My very first fanfic, not to mention the first thing I’ve written in at least 10 years. Eek! This tumblr is really for myself, to prove that I can do it... but just in case anyone stumbles across it, here’s a quick Authors Note and summary.
There are 6 parts to this fic, from various character points of view, and an epilogue. (So technically 7 parts I suppose....) They are all already complete, but I plan on posting them separately over the next couple of weeks after proofing and editing. If anyone reads, I’d love a message or comment to say hi! I’ll likely post a more in-depth authors note when I’m done.
This fic is set during early to mid Season 13, shortly after Cas’s return from The Empty.
Summary
Team Free Will’s thousand mile journey home from a routine hunt is going to take a little longer than planned. Sam’s patience with Dean and his Angel’s lack of true communication doesn’t last that far...
Destiel, Humor, Optional Smut. GO!
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5
A Very Human Risk
Part One - Sam
Blood. Miscellaneous viscera. A small chunk of what might be intestine… more blood. Sam idly examined the stains on his pants while he waited for the lights to change. He was sat shotgun in the front of the Impala, ignoring the thump of his possibly-concussed head so that Dean could swing them through the drive-thru of a small mom-and-pop burger joint near Zebulon, North Carolina. Something clear and kinda greasy… was that spinal fluid? Some days, it was definitely better to pick a food option where they didn’t have to get out of the car. In the wide back seat, Cas shifted his weight forward and reached into the driver’s space. He seemed miraculously clean himself, but he had no qualms or squeamishness about the lump of something-or-other he flicked out of Deans sandy hair. There was a tiny plop as whatever-it-was landed on the dashboard.
“Hey, watch the tunes…” Dean grumbled mildly, pushing a slightly yellowed cassette of Styx songs away from the chunk.
Cas made no response, instead retreating to his often worn silent-but-listening expression and returning his gaze out of the window.
A few minutes later, Dean passed a large brown bag of warmth and questionable nutrition over to Sam, who settled it on his lap among the stains and began to rifle through as they made their way back to the highway. “They forgot a fork for my salad…” Sam lamented quietly.
“Guess you’ll have to eat it straight out of the bowl, like a true rabbit.” Dean offered with a slight grin. His words were teasing, but his tone was thin and tired. He shifted in his seat, wincing sorely at an assortment of minor wounds.
They had been on the road for several hours since they ganked a whole nest of vampires near the coast, trying to make sure they’d shaken a particularly curious traffic cop who pulled them on the way back from cleaning up the remains. He’d found no issue with the license of a certain Edward Halen, thank Chuck, but had seemed more than a little disturbed by the state of the car and its occupants. Dean had thought it best to ditch their plan to wash up in a nearby motel and stay on the road until they were well clear. Although filthy, beaten and in several cases bleeding, none of them were gravely wounded and they figured a good few hours of the road back home couldn’t hurt.
“You should rest soon.” It was a statement from Cas in the back. “Or at least shower…”
We must smell awful to him, Sam contemplated.
Dean opened his mouth to offer a quick retort, but after a couple of seconds he merely sighed and agreed.
“Yeah. Let’s find somewhere with a room for tonight. It’s over a thousand miles back to Kansas, so we’re not getting back to the Bunker today anyways. Or at least a by-the-hour with a ton of hot water.”
He paused briefly to check the traffic before swinging the car out onto the highway. “I’ll head towards Raleigh, there’s bound to be some kinda motel before we hit the city.”
Sam nodded idly, distracted by more pressing matters. “Dean, did you seriously order three cheeseburgers?”
“Yes.” His brother snapped, before rolling his eyes and relenting. “One’s for Cas, bitch.”
“Cas doesn’t eat, jerk.”
“Oh, but I can.” The speed with which Cas snatched the offending item from Sam’s hand was really unnecessary. Sam watched Dean’s eyes slide back to look at the angel as he unwrapped the greasy package, biting into the burger with a contented little sigh. His brother looked pleased with himself, a tiny smile curling his lip as their eyes caught and hovered for just a second too long, before Dean had to return his gaze to the tarmac. Sam said nothing; he’d been around these two long enough to know moments like that weren’t his to intrude on. The silence that followed though… that bugged him a lot more than it used to before.
* * *
Throwing the motel card to Dean, Sam ducked down into the driver’s seat of the Impala.
“Go grab the first shower Dean, so we can get your injuries patched up…. Cas and I will run to that grocery store we passed and grab some beer and snacks for later.”
Without waiting for a response, Sam spun out of the Motel 8 parking lot. Looking over his shoulder he caught Cas’s slightly confused expression, but the angel said nothing and remained in place on the back seat, almost eerily immobile as the Impala lurched over the uneven gravel. It took only a couple of minutes to get to the Food Lion parking lot. As the car settled, Sam took the key and slipped it into his pocket, but didn’t immediately move.
“Perhaps I should fetch the beer, Sam.” Cas rumbled mildly. “For once, I may draw less attention.” He gestured to Sam’s splattered clothing.
“Yeah, I really took the brunt of the spray when Dean hacked that brunette.”
The door creaked as Cas began to open it.
“Cas?”
“Yes, Sam?”
Sam took a moment, before turning his giant form in the seat so he could look at the angelic face in the back, who still had one hand on the door handle. “Do you love my brother, Cas?”
A ghost of something shot across Castiel’s brilliant blue eyes before he responded. “Of course, Sam. You’re both family to me.”
Sam chuckled slightly, but it was a sad sound.
“Of course.” Despite his tone, his smile to the angel was genuinely fond. “But… I watched Dean grieve for you when you were in the Empty, Cas. I’ve seen him grieve plenty over the years…Grief for family. Dad. Mom. Bobby… For friends, for Charlie, Kevin, Ellen and Jo…. We thought you were really gone, Cas. Christ, I missed you too. It was awful. But Dean…. I’ve never seen him grieve like that Cas. He lost himself.”
The silence in the trench coat loomed for several moments.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Sam.” His voice a soft, frustrated growl. “It was a stupid move on my part… I was reckless and you paid for that.”
“You made a snap decision Cas, we’ve all done worse,” Sam comforts. “But that’s not my point.”
Castiel’s gaze dropped down and he began to fidget uncharacteristically with his tie.
Sam thinks for a moment about how mad Dean would be if he knew this conversation was why he had kidnapped the angel from the motel. Eh. At least he’ll have something valid to be angry about this week.
“He broke, Cas. He hasn’t told you, but… When I say he lost himself? He almost died. I think he tried…..” Sam’s gentle voice trailed off momentarily as he became aware that he was now using the same tone to speak to Cas as he used to soothe distressed victims and the inevitable bereaved family members they often came across during hunts. “…I mean, I don’t know that he made the conscious decision, but… the day that you came back, he died. To find a ghost. He was gone for a long time… too long. I don’t think he really cared if he came back. Not with you gone.”
When the angel’s eyes rose back up to Sam’s face, the blue was dangerously dark and his brow furrowed noticeably. “You think Dean would give up like that? Because of me?”
“I think….” Sam spread his hands in a calming gesture. “I just think he was grieving for something… more.”
In a moment of bravery, Sam reached awkwardly into the back seat and rested his hand on the angel’s knee. “I just thought… if I told you, maybe…..” He trailed off, unsure now.
Cas looked down at the hand resting on his dress pants, his gaze giving away that it was a strangely alien sight. Cas and Dean shared friendly touches and personal space often. It was comfortable now, normal. But despite the occasional hug or shoulder clap in their history, Sam didn’t usually invade his space more than he had to. His brief smile was grateful.
His otherworldly blue eyes drifted out of the window and rested on an elderly man headed into the grocery store with a cart, following him for a long moment before he eventually looked back to the younger Winchester.
“Sam, you know that… closeness between Humans and Angels is frowned upon.”
It wasn’t quite an admission, but Sam caught it, a small smile breaking his huge face.
“Being a rebel is hardly new to you, Cas… and it’s not like you and Dean could create a Nephilim or anything. At least, uh…” Sam’s brow furrowed. Could they? Angels didn’t even have a gender, so how much did the vessel really…..
As if watching the cogs in Sam’s brain turn, Cas interrupted briefly. “No. Male human, male angelic vessel. No Nephilim risk there.” He seemed slightly amused by Sam’s momentary confusion, something akin to a smirk briefly passing his lips.
“Right.” Sam’s laugh was somehow relieved. Good. That would be weird as fuck.
Minutes passed, in not totally uncomfortable silence.
“Sam?”
Pushing his hair back behind his ear, Sam quickly brought his attention back to the angel. “Yeah?” He tried for his best open, accepting smile.
“Am I to take it then, that… You would not be adverse to any change in mine and Dean’s… our… relationship? Such as it is?” Cas seemed to stumble a little with the wording, finding his tongue betraying him in his moment of need, attempting to voice something he had kept unspoken for the best part of a decade. “I’m… nothing, really. Not quite an angel anymore, not quite a human…. and my vessel is male. Dean hasn’t ever indicated that he would, uh, want….”
Cas’s voice gives up the ghost entirely, a flush working its way out of his white shirt collar, much to Sam’s slightly cruel delight. He took a second to bite back a teasing response, not wanting to spook the angel in a pivotal moment.
“Castiel.” Using the angel’s full name seemed to calm his gaze and bring his attention back to Sam. “You’re my brother, man. Maybe not by blood born...but damn, by blood spilled, you’re my brother. I can’t tell you what Dean wants, or for sure how he’ll react….but I know what I’ve seen, these past years. Life is too short… human life, anyway. I just wanted you to know so that… if you wanted to talk to him, you’d know you had my blessing and my support. Whatever happens.”
“What if he doesn’t want me, Sam?”
The gigantic Winchester was suddenly floored by the raw vulnerability in the angel’s voice. From his awkwardly turned position in the front of the Impala, all he can do is firmly squeeze Castiel’s knee.
“Well… that’s a very human risk, Cas. You may be an angel again, but you out of them all know what it is to feel…. and I think even as an angel you’re capable of sharing that terrifying little part of humanity. All I can tell you is that I’m here for you dude, as trite as that sounds.”
Cas can only nod, his gaze resting soulfully on Sam’s comforting hand.
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That’s it for today! I’ll be back in a couple of days with Part 2, where we pick up with Dean.
Edit: This fic is now complete!
Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6
