Make My Way Back
Chapter 3: Order Processing
We're getting angsty folks. There's some good Winchester Bros feels though :) Tags to note for this chapter include: body dysphoria and traumatic flashbacks (canon typical violence). Chapter 2 here!
Cas looks just like his memory told him he would: dark, messy hair, expressive blue eyes, wide shoulders drowning in an oversized trench coat. Right now, his eyes are wide and his lips hang slack with surprise. It seems like surprise, anyway. Dean is surprised.
His shoulder still burns and Dean doesn’t fully understand why. What were the wings he’d seen in his mind when Cas had first touched him there?
They remain silent for a while, simply staring at one another and absorbing the moment. Cas is staring into his eyes like he’d forgotten what color they were but Dean somehow knows that’s impossible. He wants to shy away from the intense scrutiny but he still can’t move on his own and Cas seems happy to look at him forever.
Dean can feel his eyes beginning to burn with dryness and he blinks rapidly. The sudden flutter of motion seems to break Cas from his trance and he leans minutely out of Dean’s space.
“Are you back, Dean?”
He tries to open his mouth to speak but can’t. He tries something simpler by just humming in affirmative, as he’s heard Cas and Sam do to one another, but he can’t do that either. Dean can only do one thing. He blinks.
Cas frowns and Dean wishes he could smack him over the head. It’s a simple solution.
“Can you blink once for yes, and twice for no?” Oh, thank God.
Dean blinks once, carefully and slowly. Cas’s lips split into a wide, grateful smile and Dean’s heart hammers in his chest.
“That’s good, Dean. Do you remember who you are?”
Dean pauses. He knows his name, but that’s not really who he is. Cas frowns at the delay.
“Do you understand what I’m asking?”
One blink.
“Okay, well. Three blinks if you don’t know how to answer.”
Three blinks.
Cas’s frown grows deeper.
“Do you know who I am?”
Three blinks. Dean wants to cry when Cas’s eyes grow cloudy and distant.
“Do you know my name?” He sounds like he doesn’t want to ask.
One blink brings a tentative upward curve back to his lips.
“Do you know what you mean to me?”
Dean instinctively clamps down on Cas’s hand, even though his muscles scream at the effort. Cas squeezes back just as tight. Dean blinks once and Cas’s shoulders sag in relief, as though it was the single most important piece of information to him.
Dean must have guessed right because Cas doesn’t ask any more questions. He wants to tell Cas what’s happening in his head but he can’t and so he’s grateful the questions stop. Exhaustion overcomes him once it’s clear they’re done for the moment and his eyes begin to slip shut, but Cas panics and squeezes his hand painfully.
“Dean?” He opens his eyes wearily. “Are you alright?” One blink. “Do you want to go back to bed?” One blink. “Alright.”
He’s asleep again before he’s even in Cas’s arms.
Keep Reading
Chapter 4 coming on Thursday, 9/27 per my schedule!