AN: So, I have the coolest English teacher. She let me turn in letters between Clarke and Bellamy for a writing assignment because she, too, is into the 100. So I’ll put them up here for you all to read, too.
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Dear Clarke,
I understand that bringing down the mountain was hard for you. I can't imagine having to decide whether to kill everyone or let the people we had to sacrifice everything for die. I tried to help – to make it feel like maybe it wasn't completely your decision to make. Did I make it worse? Did I only make you feel more responsible for everything that's happened since we landed? You want to take everyone's sins as your own so they don't have to answer for them.
I know. I want to, too. But Clarke, you're not Atlas. Atlas bore the world as a punishment; he bore it because he had to. There was nothing anyone could do to take away his burden. Heracles tried, but it almost killed him. In case you can't tell, you're Heracles in this story.
It's not easy to be the leader. You know that. Did I show you that you weren't alone? I tried to. Was it made clear that I am just as ready to take the fall for whatever “war crimes” Abby or the Grounders try to put you on trial for? Clarke, the only reason I went into Mt. Weather in the first place was because I knew it was our best bet for saving the kids. It wasn't because you told me to, no matter what Octavia might have accused you of while I was gone. If you recall, I offered.
The deaths on your head shouldn't dictate your life. We're not the Ancient Egyptians: Our lives are not lived around death. Lexa forced you to abandon TonDC. Your compassion led you to kill Atom and Finn out of mercy (their deaths would have been so much worse if you hadn't). Wells was an accident, so was Charlotte. As for the Dropship offensive, well, I don't know what to tell you. That one was kind of your fault, but it really was our best option. Nothing else stopped them. And the mountain was the worst of all, but it didn't come without warning. You gave them a fair shot at surrendering after Lexa bailed and forced your hand (again). They chose death. They chose it.
So anyway, Princess, I hope you find whatever you're looking for out there. I bet the world is bigger than we ever imagined and I hope you can find a place somewhere in all that vastness. Just know that if you can ever find your way back here, I'll be waiting. I expect an explanation of that kiss, anyway. We have a lot of unfinished business, Griffin. Hurry back.
All the best,
Bellamy
Dear Bellamy,
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for the mountain, I'm sorry for leaving you all alone after, I'm sorry for making you go inside when Lincoln warned us that it would be dangerous, and, most of all, I'm sorry that I never thought about how scarred you would be after. I didn't think about what they did to you in Mt. Weather. I never should have left you alone with a crew of damaged kids and no one to hold you up when you need someone. I don't know if you would even let me hold you up, but at least I would have tried. I hope Raven or Wick or Miller (Nate) try to help you and you let them. When I'm not so damaged anymore, I'll try to come back and save you. I don't know how much good it'll do, but I'll give it everything I've got left. It won't be much, granted, but maybe it'll be enough.
We were never officially friends, but I think of you as my person. You are the most important living person to me. I think you got that idea when I said “love is weakness” when I sent you into the mountain. I love you. How, I'm not sure yet. I'm going to figure it out, though. That was what the kiss on the cheek was for. I hope I didn't confuse you too much. I have a lot to figure out, don't I? I guess I'll be gone for a while, then. But I'll keep working at it like we did the wall around the Dropship. Just keep working and it'll get done someday.
I'm seeking a quiet place to think right now, but maybe I'll try to find Lexa, too. Make her answer for everything she screwed up. She almost got you killed and cost Octavia everything she wanted (except Lincoln). I'll get justice for every one of ours that she let die. I promise. I know you like justice, so I'll play up my god complex a little bit for the occasion and make it really poetic.
Bellamy, I know you won't be the same person you were when we landed, or even when I left, but I hope you will be better. I can't wait to see the man you have become. For now, we have to go our separate ways and try to live and learn alone, but I will come back some day. I'll let you know when I'm close, somehow. For now, you have to be a wounded soldier and I have to be the traitor. “I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.”
See you soon,
Clarke
