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[jimminniepabo]

when you were so close to forgetting something and getting rid of that terrible sadness that has been pulling you down for a few long weeks but then it had to be ruined and ripped open in front of your eyes once more, making you turn back to what you were like during those long weeks... it's a terrible thing. 

[tianmimii]

what's great is that when someone gets you something that reminded them of you. like they just went to a shop and bought this thing that reminded them of you and they give it to you and don't ask for anything back at all. but another great feeling is when you go to a shop and buy something that reminds you of someone and when you give it to the person and you see the happiness and the gratefulness on their face is a great feeling too. like really. 

[jimminniepabo]

the joys of having a mother who studied english in uni is that she can help me out with my personal statement

[jimminniepabo]

need a strong bottle of alcohol...

[jimminniepabo]

i deserve all these unhappiness 

[jimminniepabo]

i feel sick and i feel like im going to be sick and i want to die and i slipped the other night and did something 

[jimminniepabo]

not been myself since monday. i had a bad feeling that there was something that will go wrong on monday and something did and i cannot explain here or anywhere about what happened all i can say is that it has crushed me quite a lot. not blaming anyone at all but i've hardly been touching food or have the enthusiasm to eat and when i do eat i eat painfully slow and find it hard to swallow and keep it all down. been extremely tired and running on low energy in college and getting agitated easily. the lack of energy and sleep has been going on for a while now and haven't been sleeping so well as i want to. my eyes hurt like fuck and feel swollen. all these things have been going on way before monday but after monday it has heightened all the problems and it has made it impossible for me to function a little now. being melodramatic or something i don't care. i just cannot do things and i end up crying and hating myself because i know i did something wrong and i don't know why and hating myself even more cause i fucked everything up and didn't try my best and let things go away and caused feelings to fade and everything is just shitty and i feel shitty and lost. i'm close to getting bad again and doing things to myself that would harm me because it feels good and it will release the bad vibes in me even if its just a little or if it will hurt really bad i don't care. told myself to be good to myself, don't do anything but i'm slipping again and getting tempted. it's only wednesday and i hope things get better cause if not then fuck i want to die. 

[jimminniepabo]

one of the worst things you could ever read or hear from someone you've loved so much is that they don't love you like they used to anymore.