I’m Not Coping Well
No one told me having two children would be this hard. In fact I was under the assumption it’d be the opposite. I knew I would have some rough days, but I was in no way expecting each day to be a stress!
Let me explain. I’m 4 weeks post partum, so for me that means I’m depressed some days. Depressed in the fact it doesn’t take much to make me lose my temper. Things just seem like they’re going downhill. My emotional stability is blah. I feel like I’m failing with my babies. I did this with baby number one, only it wasn’t as bad considering I didn’t have a child already.
Adding on top of that the stress of Little Man’s tongue tie & heart murmur which means specialist doctor visits. Plus the previous doctor we had was crap. I’m still waiting on a call back from them making our appointments, going on almost 3 weeks now. Yeah, they’re definitely crap in my book. We’ve got another doctor to use who seems better thankfully. Since he’s tongue tied, I have to pump every feeding & bottle feed him. So I don’t have the closeness of breastfeeding. Also have to wash the pump & bottle so that adds more work in the picture.
Now add in the fact that Baby Girl is feeling very neglected & is constantly acting out. I’ve gone from having a sweet innocent little girl who got in trouble occasionally, to a child who is being disciplined almost every time she turns around. Yes, I know that sounds horrible. I’ve even relaxed on some things I was being stern about. It’s not helped much. So every day I look forward to her being in bed for her naps and James getting home so he can help. Feeding little man is hard if she’s up because she’s into things she’s not supposed to be. So I have to put her in her play pen & contain her, which I dislike doing or just let her run free & hope she doesn’t get into anything real bad.
So add that all up & you’re talking about a stressing mess some days. Some days I can cope well, but the last few have been real real hard. I’ve yelled & lost my temper more times than I care to admit. I’ve even snapped at little man, which then makes me feel guilty & adds to the stress. I know it’s neither of the babies fault! We are all trying to get into a routine. But finding that routine is wearing thin because it doesn’t seem to be happening.
The constant day in day out routine is also very depressing. All I do is cook, clean, feed children, & start all over. Rarely getting out of the house, & when I do that’s a stress because it’s a doctors appointment or groceries, which neither are that fun.
I feel guilty a lot because I snap at the kids. For other reasons. That just adds stress & makes me want to cry. (Which wanting to cry or cry happens a lot more than I care to admit lately. Dang post pregnancy emotions!)
In short, I could use your prayers through all this.
That I keep my temper. I have more patience. The postpartum emotions go away & the depression that follows it. That Baby Girl will relax & realize we love her just as much as before. That she starts obeying. Prayers for Little Man’s heart murmur would be great too. He has to see a cardiologist.