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im watching g r e y's a n a t o m y and. like. i just. im so confused?? george in an episode: fights like a motherfucker to get a patient the money he needs to pay for his surgery, yells at the chief of medicine, generally is so empathetic w/ the patient that u could argue its overly-empathic george in literally the exact next episode:: bailey "this guy isnt dead yet so i want you to try everything u medically can to save him" george "but hes DEAD" *whines so incredibly hard the entire episode, about, trying to save the life of a patient, as if that isnt his job as a doctor* im??????? what??? what?????? this feels really inconsistent

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awwww man turns out the doc mom just went to was a suuuuper crappy one :+(( so like she still has rly rly bad jaw pain+some other stuff, and she'll have to see another one to get it diagnosed cuz this doctor was like "eh, if it hurts take asprin and apply heat." and mom was like "yes ive been doing that for months n it still hurts" and the doc had the gall to say the pain "might just be one of those things." yepp. just one of those things. like if someone says "every morning i wake up and my nose itches, but 2 min later it stops" thats just one of those weird, unexplainable things. if someone comes in and says "i have consistent pain in this area" you............. dont get to just shrug it off. youre a fucking doctor. your job is to have someone say "xyz hurts" and then u find every single goddamn thingg that could cause xyz pain thats..... like what the fuck else would you do as a doctor im ???? augh.

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got my student id and finished day 1 of class. it was kinda nerve wracking but like,,,,,, i got through it, i'll live. plus the teacher seems sorta nice and so do my classmates. now im at the doctor's office cuz my mom's not feeling 100%

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in line @ the college to get my student ID, finally, and im taking a class too. its a psych 101 type class. i was gonna do women's studies but it got cancelled so i am NERVOUS abt bein around NTs that just wanna dissect Weirdos Like Me Ha Ha Ha but like *shrugs a lot*

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my grandma was here the other day and she said "i'm no indian giver" and then she, like, immediately paused and blinked before anyone could really say anything and she was like "you know what, i heard that phrase a lot as a kid, but thinking about it, that's probably a pretty bad phrase, huh? i should stop using it. sorry." and im just like "A+ grandma. good job." like ok its not cool to use a shitty, offensive, racist phrase but like. to be talking and say a bad thing and actively realize the exact words yr saying and like to acknowledge them as offensive?? and apologize? without even having someone else take u aside and let u know that its bad??????? thats good. that can be rly hard to do sometimes.

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im thinking about re-reading chobits, cuz, its so important. like ok its garbage in very many/most ways, its deffo got some terrible terrible thigns abt it and i would never ever trust a man who said he loved chobits........

but i love chobits and its so important and also true and if you ignore the shitty parts its all perfect and has nothing wrong w/ it So Like

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#UNSANITARY #GROSS #TMI #MUCUS (typing these in caps was an accident but im gonna keep it like that)

the most satisfying thing in the world is like, feeling off all morning, but not being able to put yr finger on why, and then for no real reason u pick up a tissue and blow your nose, and like. just. a frikken ocean of thick, gross, yellow snot comes out, and the skies clear and u can breathe again, and everything is wonderful. like srsly, one blow took an entire tissue out of commission.

which isn't to say i, love snot, its gross and honestly likee,,,, writing this post has kinda made me want to gag,,, but like,

if yr already afflicted w snot issues, blowing yr nose(when its not already rly sore) is............ super satisfying.

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my perfectionism and love of language tends to coalesced in rly interesting ways tho imo

like i have, an entire, alternate alphabet in my head. with minimized use of c except in relation to h or x, so the letter would basically exist as a modifier, and every letter has one single sound, but dots placed over them modify the sound, so you never ever look at a word and go "what???? excuse me?????" cuz it always tells you the sound it makes, because like i said, the alphabet  was MADE BY HUMANS to MAKE THINGS EASIER for HUMANS. we said things out loud, and then said "i wanna record this stuff so i know what i said later" and then we made a bunch of tiny pictures and said "ok this tiny picture next to these three other tiny pictures means tree" and thats FINE and GREAT but now it's like. through???? chew?????? receipt????? these are tiny pictures meant to make me hear a word in my head. and these tiny pictures dONT TELL ME HOW TO SAY THE WORD IN MY HEAD, OR OUT LOUD

and like, i dont mind borrowing a word we dont have from another language and keeping the spelling mostly the same/similar/whatever, thats rly cool, just. can we. can we do SOMETHING to make it make sense????? please?? please i am so much better at language plz throw every douchy old white guy who idolizes latin into a river and give me their jobs plz,,,,,,,,,,