Rang in the new year with red on my eyes, red on my lips, and red on my most prominent zits.
red lips for learning that makeup isn't signing the contract of Girl, to finally finally understanding why that was always so terrifying to me. It's funny that learning that I'm agender has made my life now and (esp) in retrospect make so much sense to me, more so than the "realization" that i'm 'gay'.
The lipstick on my zits: for the symbolism in acne.
Child of a single mother: My mom had terrible acne growing up, and now very bad scarring from it, mostly on her shoulders. I'm lucky in that I didn't inherit that, so mild acne is something i do not complain about.
Just turned twenty: Acne clearing is something that's supposed to happen with hormonal maturity, but I can't count on that.
Weird kid growing up (not the fun kind): And concealer is the part of makeup I don't like to do, performance or reduction or a hiding of flaws. Wasn't ever good at that anyway.
and of course red eyes for lady vengeance and powderdoom; the makeupping we actually need in the world; makeupping i don't feel so alienated from, so failing-at-pretty i never said i wanted to be pretty; and all the people and poets i've been following and growing from this year, shelters where i lay my gratitude and pray for another year of tender protection
