Glowing white eyes suddenly lost their intensity, dying back down to natural violet. It was like nothing she had ever felt before. Her magic was pouring from her like water. It wasn't painful, it just felt like a rush of weakness coming over her entire body. Where was her magic going? She moved her hands to her stomach and could feel wetness. There it was. That was her magic, spilling away. A wave of panic caused her to look down. Impaled thrice. The fourth came as she looked up again. "Irie--"
Without the weight of a sword attached to her hand, there is little difference between a scythe cutting down wheat and her blades cutting through bone and sinew.
Even though she no longer feels the resistance jarring her arm when her sword strikes another, Irelia is careful to acknowledge the very moment when a sword inflicts a mortal wound. Something inside a person - a victim - breaks, something deeper than bone, and it spreads like a disease to her own limbs and her own sensations.
After the defense of the Placidium, after Irelia once more took up a sword (not with her hands again, but with her very thoughts), she never forgot each person whose life she had to take, and why she had to do it.
So why now can she not feel anything? Why does she feel detached once more, looking at herself and the dying girl she catches in her arms like her soul has been splintered into the very skies above her?
Once she feels Syndra’s body slack in her arms and magic pour out of it like sands from a shattered hourglass, she no longer recognizes any semblance of the enemy that her country and her values painted her as. All she sees is death coming for one whose thread of life Irelia has cut short. She can hear the neighing of the pale horseman’s steed, and it sends a haunting ripple down her spine.
For a second Irelia’s mind is blank, and then the recollection of the last few seconds pour down upon her like rampaging waters breaking down a dam. The power generating in Syndra could not be contained once it had finished accumulating. Irelia’s only choice was to bring the fight to her, and strike her down.
But this is no dark sovereign, no emissary of chaos. A splotch of red leaks through the rip in her corset, where one of Irelia’s blades has struck. She bleeds, just like every other human.
irelia gasps, her hands trembling, and out of the million thoughts that cross her mind, she retains the thought to at least not draw her blades out immediately. That sort of blood loss would seal her fate.
Instead she collapses onto her knees, clutching Syndra’s body to her. She feels so light, even after the magic has drained out of her.
“W-what have I done?” Irelia sputters through choked gasps.
Duty has no consolation when its cost is the deconstruction of her world.
Irelia knows that the situation had made it impossible for both to walk away alive, but a part of her had hoped that Syndra’s retaliation would immediately wipe her out. Surely it is better to return to death, than offer the life of a husk that houses the soul of a long-lost friend as flimsy payment.
Her fingers reach out to stroke Syndra’s cheek. Her breathing is ragged, and her heart is pounding, but at least it seems that Syndra has found peace. Irelia can see her eyes, a vivid purple, always so bright and clear when they were young.
Cruel fortune, that it should take the pyre of death to ignite a fire so lovely in those irises.
“I don’t want to lose you,” Irelia whispers. “I don’t want to lose you. I didn’t want to do this…”
I had to do this. I had to lose her. I had to love her.
The blades jutting out of Syndra’s chest are still sharp, and for a second Irelia’s dreams are wild with the thought of joining Syndra in death’s liberation, of freeing her mind with one more impalement.
But the flames of Hell overpower that image, and Irelia trembles, collapsing into a pile of ragged limbs and heavy sobs.
“F-forgive me,” Irelia wails, her eyes moist with tears daring to speak to the heavens. “I am too cowardly to die.”












