#prayerspleasponderings

[prayerspleasponderings]

Ponderings

Much to do. Time is fixed. Prioritize. 

Find ways to incorporate personal in the service: pick up that milk tea on the way to that meeting; grab a $2 Dunkin’ Donuts any size iced coffee on the way to that event; gather your bearings via listening to a fun podcast on that long commute to wherever/whatever you’re going... 

Slowly finding ways to include “me” in the things I do... still learning and defining what my priorities are, and looking for means to not lose me to the things outside me. It’s hard; yet manageable. 

Success: completing over half of my to-do list for that day. More times than not, by His grace, success is achieved. Praise God. 

[prayerspleasponderings]

Ponderings

Much on my mind this evening... this weekend has been full in ways I did not imagine (in very good ways). 

Thankful for impromptu opportunities that turn out to be a full day of fun and adventure with people I love and care about. Thankful that I’m starting to get over my body insecurity with my arms - I’m actually wearing my arms out and I don’t look look “fat” (whatever that means). Honestly, I’m bigger than what I was yet becoming more comfortable with who/what I’m becoming. I desire to be healthy both inside and out. Excited about that. 

The weekend was full with great people, great laughs, great conversations, and great experiences best experienced in person. So thankful to the Lord for it. 

Yet this Sunday evening after a glorious post-church meal and following nap, I was bombarded with “bonding” time that I don’t personally considering bonding. How is it that someone comes into your space, says it’s time to “bond”, and then speaks of “we” when “we” just means you, not me? Isn’t bonding mutual? 

Then to say what “we” are and are not doing... when really you came into my space, claiming where I’m laying, demanding the remote because “we” are not watching what I’m currently watching, and say it’s time to “bond”? That’s mad awkward... very awkward. 

Praise be for boundaries, for being able to at least finish what I was previously watching, and having somewhat of a say of what to watch next. The bottle of wine in the fridge was confused to be hers when I bought that for me. I let her know that no, I bought that bottle for me, placed it on her side since it has the tallest compartment to fit said wine, and that she’s open to having some if she wishes... but that wine is mine. 

Don’t care for folks to call something bonding that’s not mutual. The time earlier with my friends was definitely bonding time, yet it didn’t have to be said. It just was. We simply enjoyed each other and the shared experience. It wasn’t something that had to be announced. We just bonded. 

So to experience the opposite was upsetting. Very upsetting. This just tells me where we both fall in this relationship. *sighs*