#prayingfordeath

[deadpoollovr]

I love it when I develop a crush for the first time in a long time just to realize that they like someone else. My favorite is when I get to see them look at their crush in a loving/longing way while I stand there, praying for death. What’s also fun, not sleeping because my depression and anxiety won’t let me forget what I saw or how I feel. This is why I don’t get close to people. 

[jhasgnarlyeyebrows]

My pain manifests as anger, too, and everytime it hurts its as if you’re tearing away all of the things i grew to care about and i want to cause you more and more pain. It isnt the same, it’s compounding. It grows, as if the love never stopped yet it evolved to seething hatred and continues its exponential growth pattern. Just like when i was with you and my love grew daily to complete the puzzle, now i have an enormous void to fill again and none of the broken shards of the things you and i used to share are around to pack the wound with. The white sand and trinitite of this mountainous desert isnt any better than the polluted oil soil of the pumpjack wasteland our love made beautiful. I never stopped being interested in you, especially not physically, until those fists came at my face after we discussed how you punchin me was the o n l y thing you could do to ensure i would leave you forever. I hope my frustrations and broiling self-hatred dont cause me to do something really dumb to us both.

[good-ole-boy97]

Now that i finally got today over with, I'm going drag racing. If anybody needs me I'll be in sunny Florida doing 202 MPH.