Sep 21, 2023
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No Rest for the Weary
Love for vacations is universal, right? It’s like “mom and apple pie” isn’t it? Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my family away from home and the never-ending to-do list on my whiteboard. What I don’t understand is why I return nearly as stressed out and tired as when I left. I try not to think about the cost of the vacation because any economist would tell me that, based on dollar value alone compared to rest received, I would be better off skipping vacations and staying at work. I suppose this is evidence that the value of vacations can’t be measured in dollars and cents.
I have just returned from a theoretical vacation. I’ve been out of the office for 2 weeks. For 5 of those 10 business days, I was working (in exotic locations, albeit) while my kids enjoyed the pool and resort facilities. The other 5 days, I was trying (really hard) to be engaged with the kids and trying to decompress. In between the 2 weeks, we came home for 36 hours to do laundry and change up the mix of children traveling with me (each of the kids has a slightly different spring vacation schedule). My husband also joined us for week 2.
Setting dollars aside, the “cost” of my time out of the office adds up as follows:
- Missed hike in Sedona in order to catch up on office work
- Early morning email exchanges and phone calls with colleagues in a different time zone in order to accommodate family activities later in the day
- Ninety minutes late to dinner at a friend’s house because of a conference call
- Complete disruption of my healthy eating habits and exercise routine
- Mounting pile of work for my return which will likely result in something close to an “all-nighter” immediately prior to my first day back in the office
- Still the one to clean dishes, make beds, and pick up clothing and towels off the floor
Thinking through the costs, most rational people would choose to stay home. I get anxious just thinking about it. So, I take a moment to think about the benefits before I decide if the value of vacation done my way is really worth it.
The “plus side” of my vacation ledger includes the following entries:
- Two weeks of sharing every meal, every evening and even sleeping quarters with my teenagers with little or no intervention from their peers (if you don’t count Snapchat and Facebook)
- Inside jokes created with the kids that will be part of our shared language for years to come. Ask Daly about “the game” (actually, don’t ask her; it’s our thing).
- Playing golf with Philip (15) with the Gulf of Mexico as our right rough (the lost ball count is our business, thank you)
- Choosing to take the middle seat in row 29 for a 5 hour flight so I could sit between the girls and be next to both of them at once
- Introducing the kids to many work and industry colleagues (read: proud mama showing them off) and listening to them engage in intelligent conversation like the young adults they’re becoming
- Several naps on a poolside chaise which resulted in a bit of color (don’t tell my dermatologist) and an appearance of better health
- Awestruck moments together as we first spied the beauty of Sedona and the dolphins jumping in the waves in Captiva.
- Small but high impact conversations as the kids each revealed a bit about their school and social lives
- Standing next to Daly as she learned of college acceptance decisions and helping her to ease anxiety over those yet to come
- Watching both girls leave for a day trip dressed in my clothing! I was glad to share because I was over the moon that they would consider wearing anything that I own
- Hiking the hills of Sedona and enjoying it 3 times as much because of Caroline and Daly’s appreciation of the natural beauty (and their ability to demonstrate what they’d learned in science class)
- Learning new slang while having dinner in a dive with Caroline and Philip (and no I won’t repeat what I learned)
- Sharing a moment of excitement when we thought our Pink Jeep Tour companion was the lead singer in Barenaked Ladies (turned out not to be true, but the speculation was fun)
- Watching Daly delight in her celeb spotting on our return flight from AZ (Quest Love)
Given this cost/benefit analysis, I think the economists would side with me. The time out of the office was well worth it. As Philip (15) says, “rest is for the feeble”. Well, I’m not sure I’d agree with that, but it’s becoming my mantra. It’s not the work-life balance for everyone, but it works for me. These years with the kids are fleeting, and I’ll have plenty of time for naps in the years to come. Right now, I am grateful that we’re able to take these trips and for every exhausting vacation minute I can squeeze out of them.
Just How Does She Do It?
I know each and every one of you has had someone ask this about you (and for our male readers, just switch out the pronoun). When someone asks it of me, he (or she) usually shakes his head and says “yikes”. Sometimes there’s admiration; often it seems that the question is dripping in judgment. My unscientific survey suggests that the admiration most often comes from men and the judgment most often comes from women. Many assume that there is a small army helping me behind the scenes but they soon learn that there are only large vats of coffee in my supporting cast (and very conscious, energy boosting eating and exercising habits). No, this is not a blog post to say that my organizational skills are superior, my stamina superhuman or anything even approaching that. In fact, it’s just the opposite. I am writing to yell out to the world: Just stop! Stop what? Let’s stop looking on one another with judgment and instead reach out to one another with a helping hand. At Zicam, our social community usually does a great job of this. Our Facebook friends and twitter community share their cold management tips and Zicam success stories and spread the word about treating a Pre-Cold (tm). So let’s take that more broadly and help each other across the board.
The past 20 years of my life have been jam-packed, exhausting, exhilarating, challenging, frustrating, energizing, stressful, and unbelievably happy. Depending on where you sit, you’ll be tempted to pull an adjective out of that list and say, “I knew it. Look at what her work/life balance choices have caused”. It’d be interesting to sort through your adjective choices (read judgments) and see what they tell us. Yes, us. Not me. While I have always been overly concerned with what others think of me (a people-pleaser to a fault), I know that I have made the choices in my life that are right for my family so I really don’t care what your choice of adjectives in the above example tell me. I am most interested in how they line up as a group and what that tells us about some of the gender specific movements in the press these days.
I offer two few examples: One Billion Rising and Lean In. While you could say that they are both about women and that’s where the similarity ends, I think they are both about men and women and our respect for and relationships to one another. One Billion Rising is a global movement to end violence against women. (How ironic that the globally coordinated movement to raise awareness of the organization and its mission happened on the same day that Oscar Pistorius killed his girlfriend, Reeva Steenkamp). Lean In encourages each of us to “lean in” and live up to our full potential. I am completely aligned with the philosophy of “Lean In” and know that this has been my own, natural way of living my life since I was a little girl and didn’t even stop to wonder if I would be included in the boys’ soccer game at recess. I was included because I was at least as good at soccer as they were. Looking back, I realize that I didn't even question whether or not I could or should play. I wanted to play, so I did. And I’ve lived that way my entire life. I struggle with the need for an official movement like “Lean In” because if my own hard-wired approach to life, but I also accept that many have not had the opportunities I’ve had nor have the inborn gumption I have (five siblings might have something to do with the gumption thing). I did joke with colleagues yesterday that if I “leaned in” anymore, I might fall over!
Check out both OneBillionRising.org and LeanIn.org and then reflect on how you might live out the missions of both organizations. We, men and women alike, will never reach our collective potential if we don’t take a step back, quit judging, accept more, and reach out a helping hand. Lean In may encourage you to look inward and fulfill your personal potential while One Billion Rising (or any one of the thousands of similar organizations) encourages us to look outward and seek our full potential through service to others. I think it’s this combination of inward and outward potential that will really enable us, “proactive avoiders” and others, to make meaningful contributions to ourselves, our families and our worlds. But don’t feel a burden to do any of this a certain way or in a certain amount. Just be and do the best you can and allow others to do the same. And please, let’s quit judging whether “she” does too much, too little, loves too much or too little, eats too much or too little, etc. If we won’t show kindness to one another as a community, why should we expect others to do that for us? (I also encourage you to follow momastery.com, a blog and community all about supporting and living without judgment).
I have chosen a path that works for me. I am truly happy to share the details of that path, trials and tribulations along with moments of unspeakable joy. I am the very fortunate mother of four wonderful children, young adults really, and I run a fantastic organization. I am likely where I am due to tremendous luck. However, I have made many conscious choices, and I have worked very hard. I will not foist my choices on anyone else, but if you are interested in learning more about my path, contact me and I will share. I still hang onto the phrase we all learned in nursery school: Sharing is caring. That’s my philosophy, however exhausted it might make me. I think it makes each of us better. So, if you want tips for managing through the cold season or have any other questions, let me know. Until then, look inward for your potential and then share that potential with the world. Take that light out from underneath the bushel and let it shine!
How the Irish are Treating my Pre-Cold - - not with Leprechauns
I’ve been doing the old bob and weave with assorted colds throughout the holidays. Each of the kids seemed to have some level of cold at some time or the other. The girls hit the Zicam consistently and managed to keep the suffering minor and short lived. My younger son’s cold had settled well into his chest by the time he came home and eventually turned into bronchitis. He was well past the pre-cold stage and had to take cough medicine at regular intervals and then antibiotics. Now that all the kids have returned to school, I’d figured that I was safe.
I sat down this evening by myself to work and watch the BCS championship game (go Irish!) when I felt that somethin’ somethin’ again - - fatigue and left throat ache. I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR A COLD! I have 3 straight long travel and meeting filled days; I cannot have a pre-cold. So how are the Irish helping? Well, just as I’m starting to feel poorly, they go down 21-0 and seem to be leaning into the underdog thing. I’m taking my cue - - I’m climbing into bed with Zicam and watching a rom-com on Netflix. I will show this cold who’s boss and remove my jinxing ways! As one of 6 children and the daughter of a Notre Dame alumnus, I do feel as though I’m abandoning ship, though I note the postings of my siblings on Facebook. They can carry the flag this time. I’ve decided that I might actually help the Irish out by not watching the Crimson Tide smush them.
So, tonight, I’m leaning on the luck of the Irish and Zicam to deal with my pre-cold. Maybe we’ll all have the right combination of luck and skill to get through this! I can read about the game tomorrow, well-rested and moving through my pre-cold. Hoping for the best for all of us! Go Irish!
What Would You Do With 22 Million Days?
This just in: The flu season has begun and appears to be strong. Zicam is NOT for the flu so why do I care that news outlets have reported the latest flu data from the CDC? It seems that the number of people reaching for cold medicines also rises along with the flu, so as CEO of Zicam, I pay a lot of attention to the influenza data.
I’ve read that individuals in the U.S suffer 1 billion colds each year, in some estimates. This sounds a bit far fetched to me; however, data from the National Center for Health Statistics from the CDC suggest that over 62 million cases of the common cold cause Americans to either seek medical attention or restrict their activities in some manner. Further, the CDC estimates that common cold results in 22 million lost school days (and presumably lost work days for parents). That’s a lot of lost time for our very busy world and all for something which most of us consider a simple fact of life.
I have a very bizarre relationship with the cold season. As a mom, I prepare for back-to-school by stocking up on Zicam, cold symptom relieving products and tissues to prepare for illness from the germs brought home from school. I intensely scrutinize any symptoms to determine if they are the first sign and a Pre-Cold(TM) or related to allergies because I just dusted the house or played with the dog. I’ve come to learn that my Pre-Cold symptoms (ache on the left side of my throat and run-down feeling) are different than my nasal allergy symptoms, but I reach for the Zicam each time, just to be sure. If the symptoms disappear after I remove the potential allergen, I know that I can relax again for a bit. If not, I stick to my Zicam regimen until I’m better. I am also pretty careful about diet, exercise and fluid intake to be sure that my immune system is getting as much help as possible (my kale-spinach-avocado-blueberry blender concoction each morning either keeps me strong or keeps those with germs at a distance! The recipe will go to the first 10 responders!!).
Professionally however, I have a different view of the reported statistics on cough/cold incidence and on whether the latest flu vaccine has hit it on the mark. While Zicam has no impact on the flu, a very serious illness, elevated flu incidence does seem to correlate to higher cold incidence. To be extremely clear, I hope that each and every one of you gets through the year without suffering from a cold and without contributing to the lost school and work day statistics. Who has time? And it’s really a drag to have a cold. The truth is, like clockwork, a significant portion of the population suffers from several colds each year. The average adult gets 2-3 colds in a year.
So the office was abuzz this morning after many of us had heard a news clip about the flu season beginning in earnest in the Southeast. Here’s the latest CDC map so you can evaluate your area. You can also stay up-to-date on incidence by checking in on our Cold Monster Tracker. Flu can be scary. The complications can be very serious for many people, so get your flu shot if you haven’t and seek medical attention if you think you have the flu.
And there are many other respiratory ailments that take suffering well beyond the common cold. Jessica from our marketing team was striken with bronchitis last week. At first I teased her about missing her Pre-Cold signs. Once she told me that it was bronchitis and she was on her 4th day of antibiotics, I quit teasing. Clearly, the Pre-Cold and Cold Monster are not a part of the bronchitis equation. Thankfully, she is on the mend and seems to be the only one in her house or our office afflicted.
Stay healthy, stay alert and let us know when the Cold Monster comes calling (hope he won’t).
Grace Under Pressure: An approach to the holiday season
From one tired mom to another . . . Martha Stewart, you sold us a bill of goods, and I don’t appreciate it!
Growing up, my own mother was a June Cleaver-Doris Day-Julia Childs (without the bodily injury part) hybrid. In short, she was a tough act to follow on the domestic front. Enter Martha Stewart to crank up the gas a bit. I have spent years looking at beautiful tablescapes, impeccably wrapped gifts, holiday decorations all in one unifying color (yea, right, I’m going to change up my decorations each year) and smiling children and told myself that I could do it if I only worked harder. This Christmas will mark my 20th with children, and I have discovered that I can live in the “world according to Martha”, but it’s not nearly as enjoyable as the “world according to M’lou”. So, based on my 20+ years of learning, I submit my tips for navigating the next several weeks with as little stress as possible.
1) Learn Excel and use it. So maybe this tip is a reflection of my business background, but I keep a spreadsheet of birthday and Christmas gifts throughout the year so I know what I have or plan to get for each person, whether it’s wrapped, where it’s hidden and what the cost for everything is. With this, I never discover a gift hidden away on December 27 or forget a person on my gift list. I can track where gifts have come from so returns are easier as well. With the kids, I have found that this enables me to make sure that things balance out - - both in terms of value and approximate number of goodies to unwrap on Christmas morning. Nothing sours a Christmas morning more quickly than a child watching everyone else open gifts because she got one “big gift” that year. A few of my children have birthdays during the holiday season so my spreadsheet lets me balance gifts between birthday and Christmas as well (assuming I remember to change the wrapping paper!)
2) Listen to music. I can’t take holiday music throughout the season, so when I’m not in the mood for Carol of the Bells, Hark the Herald or Adam Sandler’s Hannukah song every day (though when the mood strikes . . .), but I find that wrapping, baking, list-making, cleaning, decorating, are all made less stressful with my music of choice on in the background.
3) New Year’s cards can be as nice to send as Christmas/Hannukah cards. After many unpleasant “hurry up and look nice for the Christmas card” photo opps, I realized that I could take a picture of the kids dressed in their Christmas eve finery and send it out as a “Peace on Earth” New Year’s card. I have even sent out Martin Luther King Day cards (not themed as such just mailed in mid-January). Friends are always glad to hear from you and see how the kids have grown even if it’s not in the mailbox by December 1.
a. The corollary to this is: Consider Facebook. I am seriously considering posting a Christmas picture or Christmas album of my kids on Facebook and foregoing the (bad for the environment and time consuming) card route. I'd use Instagram, but I only have one follower :(
4) Gingerbread houses are about the process not the product! Remember this and you will be guaranteed to have a messy, fun-filled afternoon with your kids. If you want it to be beautiful . . . well, just get over it.
5) Make small desserts. I love to cook and bake so I always over do it on food. Hot on the heels of my wasteful disposal feeding after Thanksgiving, I have decided to make mini desserts. I have a mini-pie maker and will use it to make an apple pie, pecan pie and mince pie so that each member of the household will have a selection they find particularly yummy. Rather than doubling most of my other dishes, I will cut them in half. While it’s not less work to do this, it helps me to balance my need to provide a special dish for each member of my family with my abhorrence of waste and waist - - I don’t feel the need to finish ½ a pie or cake that was left untouched!
6) Shop Online or with a local business. This one seems obvious to me. We live close to the local mall, and you could not pay me to enter it during this time of year. I love the stores there, but I love their websites and my local independent shops around town better.
7) Clean out your cupboards and closets. While this will feel like an added “to-do” at a busy time of year, the psychic and karmic benefits of cleaning out the clutter before the extremes of holiday giving and doing cannot be overstated. Every year, my children and I choose at least 3 items that we really like and donate them. They must be in good condition and not be things we would otherwise throw away. While just a small gesture, it makes the kids really consider the blessings they have and how so many do without. I also donate non-perishable food from my kitchen and roast a turkey for the luncheon for local seniors. Yes, it’s extra work, but giving to others is a good stress antidote for me.
8) Greet everyone you see. This is actually a year ‘round tactic for me. My day is made infinitely better if I acknowledge random strangers as I share space with them. Over the holidays, be sure to wish them well. Try it for a few days, and I promise the grocery store will be a different place.
9) TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH. You will be tempted to cut corners on sleeping, eating healthy and exercising. This is a huge mistake. You are already juggling so many balls that if you let yourself get run down and sick, the balls will start to fall down on your head! Sleep, eat nutritiously and make sure the second you feel a Pre-Cold, you start taking Zicam. Even if you don’t get sick, running low on sleep will raise your stress level and ruin the holiday spirit for everyone.
There's an old expression: “As goes General Motors so goes the nation”. In my house the expression is: “As goes Mom, so goes the mood of the house”. Know your limits and respect them!