There’s something about pre-fall Bucky that’s just [loves desire but hates wanting] [always wants what he can’t have] [shows off as a defense mechanism] [self-hating] [proud flirt with a secret shame] [wants to be wanted] [wants to be touched so god damn badly] [thinks no one could love the real him but sex is a good substitute] [could take and take and take and take and never get filled up] [desperately needs something of his own to be proud of] [fights like somebody’s watching] [fucks like somebody’s watching] [lonely all the time] [full of determination because what else does he have] [afraid but can’t say it] [wishes the world was something else] [practiced his easy smiles in the mirror] [protecting people is a personality trait and he’s going to win it] [in love with his best friend] [consumed by it]