#priest work

[shefytbast]

A new blog post (finally!) on today's festival, The Eye of Ra Calls the Shemsu.

[signsofmelody]

To Do

So, as I rise from the ashes of the explosion of misery I was targeted by, I've come to find the strength reserve I put away a long time ago in the debris and realized the only thing between my aligning diety and my peace was a tattered piece of ego. I have a  nasty habbit of turning on my power when I feel at best and  sinking to cardnial pacifiers when I'm at my worst. It would be nice if I could just smoke and drink myself numb until the storm passes but unfortunely, the universe doesn't work that way.

I'm told that a number of people in their ripe early twenties have rheumatoid arthritis. I'd like to think I've had a fair amount of experience with this age group and I have yet to meet one. Well, counting the girl I grew up with, I haven't met more than one, let alone someone who had to suffer the way I have. I believe that some things we go through emotionally manifest through physical ailments, but now I'm taxed with greater consequences if I lax on self maintenance. I dig it: Great diet, exercise, meditation and channeling regularly, living elevated, being clean. Sounds good. Those things are really easy to do when your mind and spirit are in a tranquil place of being. But mine quite frankly is not. Granted, I'm in a wonderful place for my current level of healing and growth. I'm living in a beautiful family setting, where all my immediate needs are taken care of. I'm not required to brave the world for traditional work or for commuting purposes. I have the opportunity to leap forward in a million different directions.

I'm overwhelmed however. I'm antsy and restless for my next big move, but I know I'm where I should be and should prepare to stay put for a while. Before I can take more steps into being "the bomb 30-year-old-version of me", I need to respond more to my calling in my spiritual work, which frightens me terribly. Moving forward without growing that aspect would be voluntarily throwing my life away. I would ignoring my greater purpose. But I'm not quite up to the state where I can be cool with hearing voices and seeing images that are not my own in the mirror. I'd like guidance for my craft, but I also know I need patience too. *ugh*

If I could get just one person to truly sympathize with what I've been through, it would be great. But each has their own struggle right? Mine just doesn't seem to be of this world. I have been literally picked up and dragged by my hair into a new pattern of living by an invisible hand, and I'm shaking in the corner because I KNOW it's no where near over yet. 

I do what I can one day at a time. I have what I need for now and all my needs will always be taken care of. I just need to work towards the next level.