hello! do you have any advice on info to include in an initial letter to someone incarcerated? it's tricky for me to reliability send letters to friends I know, and so it's hard to know what to "promise" the times I've tried doing pen pal commitments of any kind, much less for someone who isn't getting any contact with the outside world. What topics are you drawn towards, and what do you limit? ~rat 🐀
Yea!
It is always a really difficult letter to start. I think going back to the Five W's is always a good choice for this.
Who: Tell them about yourself. What do you have to offer? What are your interests? Many incarcerated folks are looking for spiritual or religious friendships in their letters. That's not me, but if that is you, that can be a really helpful thing to bring up. (Many pen pal ads will say as much if that's what they're looking for.) Do you have particular skill sets? Interests?
What: You should indicate what level of friendship you're looking for, or what kind of pen pal relationship. Many ads are for romance. I don't write to anybody who is looking for a romantic connection as that's my personal boundary. If I'm not sure what they're looking for, I make this a clear boundary in the first letter. This feels awkward. It's fine. Blunt is better.
When: How often will you write? In my experience, you're going to get letters back faster than you can answer them. It takes some amount of emotional energy to write a letter, and while your pen pal might have nothing but time, you may not. Set expectations early. (This is the hardest part for me.)
Where: Where did you get their information? Technically, you can write to any incarcerated person but I'd start at a penpal service (WriteAPrisoner, Black&Pink, and there are a number of religious groups that have pen pal lists.) You can write to people who are infamous but I don't particularly recommend this unless you have some good reason. (Nevermind that people who have ongoing, highly televised trials are usually being written to and are unlikely to able to answer at the advice of their lawyer). Why: What's your motivation to write? I usually mention my previous prison activism, etc. This doesn't need to be long.
How: Paper letters are great but they are more expensive for your pen pal to send out than other means. There are a few email services provided to inmates (JPay, Corrlinks). This sucks, to give money to these corporations, but it saves resources for your pen pal or might be their preferred method. If you're writing an initial paper letter, indicate what platforms you're willing to communicate on. If you're writing digital for the first letter, do the same.
I think that's it! In general, I recommend committing to at least one year of writing. Friendships with penpals can peter our like any other, but it's very upsetting to have somebody swoop in with a letter and then disappear.
(You also may consider if you'd like to use your own address (I do) or if you'd want to go digital only or use a PO Box or a pen pal service's return address before you start.)
Also I hope this was okay to answer publicly! Let me know if not!
