My honest and humble opinion is that we don’t have enough elements to judge these characters. Of course what we do have doesn’t exactly depict a nice and romantic lovestory.
We know that Rhaegar Targaryen was obsessed by the prophecy of “the prince that was promised” and he was eventually led to believe that it referred to his son Aegon. We also know thanks to Dany’s vision, that he believed he should have three children to complete the prophecy (“the dragon has three heads”). So this could explain why he chose Lyanna, since his wife Elia couldn’t have another baby.
Many have suggested that Lyanna went with him willingly, to escape her marriage with Robert, but that she came to regret that decision, seeing how it resulted in tragedy.
This picture is not quite the romantic tale of two lovers running away together, is it? But that’s not my point. I don’t want to criticize them harshly (Rhaegar in particular) since there are plenty of good analysis out there on why the silver prince fucked up really badly, and they are probably right. I just wanna share my view on the matter.
What we don’t know from the books is Lyanna’s version of the events. We can imagine she was seduced, fell in love or was abducted but that’s all that is: speculation. We don’t know for example if she knew about the prophecy, if she supported it. Maybe she had dreams about the coming of the Others, maybe she found in Rhaegar a kindred spirit, because he was the only one who could understand.
Maybe Rhaegar had a real plan and wasn’t just acting impulsively (and stupidly). I think he was genuinely a good person and not just some fanatic. A man who was haunted by visions and considered the prophecy to be a burden, not a gift, hence the melancholic personality.
Yes, his actions led to poor Elia and his children’s deaths, but I don’t want to believe he didn’t care for them, that he abandoned them. I could of course be proven wrong when the story is revealed, but that’s exactly what I’m saying, that we cannot know for certain what it happened and we can only imagine.
Maybe they were both pawns in the hands of a cruel destiny that demanded their deaths in order for Jon to be born.
That’s why I don’t feel like demonizing Rhaegar and especially putting thoughts in Lyanna’s head since we are missing so many elements.
