#pro-asexual

[glooooopyyyy]

asexuals are not valid!, sex is a major part of relationships!, for GOD SAKE just say you're horny AND FUCK OFF.

[cotardkindrome1999]

thanks for being pro ace ive been feeling like shit ever since yesterday cause i feel like im in a space that I shouldn't BE in cause im ace

No one should ever have to feel as if they don’t belong because of a natural part of their identity. I’m glad that you can find some sort of refuge in me.

I’m sorry this ask took so long for me to answer, I wasn’t sure of what to say.

[meat-church]

A S E X U A L I T Y

Hi. I am asexual. Maybe could have guessed that but I am and it's a thing and I wanna talk about it.

In elementary school we did this "family life" thing in 4th, 5th, and 6th grade. We talked about biology, puberty, and, obviously, sex. Everyone was uncomfortable with that unit so I figured my being uncomfortable was normal and justified. I figured that sick and itchy feeling I got when we discussed all this was what everyone felt. Never really thought about it as more.

Middle school health was worse. I figured it would be about the same but no. All the hormones and puberty stuff hit them and all of a sudden it was all sex. I was uncomfortable, but I hadn't hit puberty yet, so I figured it would all sort out once that did.

I did hit puberty. Latter half of freshman (9th grade) year and still nothing changed. I felt more uncomfortable with people talking about hooking up with their partners and all that and it freaked me out. A lot.

I did eventually realize that any sexual aspect of a relationship is not interesting to me. I just didn't like the idea, nor could I really think of it without wanting to throw up. So, I decided that I couldn't be in a relationship without sex being part of it (hypersexuality in this society made me think this. Relationships and sex were synonymous in my mind).

Whenever I liked anyone, I would hardore repress it so I didnt have to deal with it. This still hurts me today, whenever I even kinda like someone, I try to stop, and so I've never been in a relationship or anything even remotely close to that. I'm nearly 21 and this stuff still sticks with me. It's to the point where I have trouble telling my own family and friends, with whom there is obviously no sexual anything, that I love them. I repressed any feelings of strong romantic emotion, that even platonic love and familial love is foreign to me.

Finally, near my 19th birthday a while back, I was at a church youth group thing I go to for social interaction (God knows I need it). We had a guest speaker and she was talking about sex in the bible and how it's not bad and she went into personal stories about pre-marital sex and etc. When I finally got to my car that night, I spent like half that car drive crying because I hadn't thought of this personal issue in a while. Since high school. When I graduated, I thought it would be better? I figured it was just the people I had grown up with (relatively small city where most everyone knew each other since elementary school). So I left the state to go to school and it just never came to my conscious thought. I was so busy with my first year of university I didnt even think about it. Another bad idea may I just add.

Anyway, I continued crying when I got home because I had read the word 'asexual' a while before but I hadn't really connected that word's meaning and myself. But, finally, I looked at the meaning, and likewise stories, and I felt calmer than I ever had. I finally had a name to what I felt (or the lack thereof). It made sense. I was not a freak. I was not broken. I was real and valid and a HUMAN.

I still struggle with this stuff. I've still never had any romantic interaction (besides terrible awful kinda dates we do not speak of). I am surrounded by media telling us sex is normal and to be praised. A normal human function. Asexuality was defined as a mental illness until the mid 2000s. I do feel pre-emptive guilt for my future relationship when I have to tell my partner sex may to completely off the table, depriving someone of what we have been told is a basic need for all living creatures. I feel guilty because I'm told that open relationships are my only option because then my partner can seek out sex. I'm told I will be cheated on frequently because of this.

But.

I am working toward a place where I can be comfortable with my sexuality. I do believe that once I come to full terms and accept my sexuality and the connotations with it, I will be happier, and will begin to unlearn all my taught and internalized feelings toward myself and relationships as a whole.

Bottom line is that relationships are based on trust, communication, mutual affection, and mutual interest in each other and things. Sex may be a part of that. It may not be. I am able to seek a full relationship without a sexual aspect. I have lots of love to give (once I get over my internalized issues haha, funny joke), and I think whichever partner i end up with, they will feel the same way.

This guilt I feel may not change for a while, but working on it and understanding how go change my perceptions is an important step in accepting myself.

[blondthndrninja]

Honestly I could care less about someone’s sexuality… it’s all about personality!