recovering the light
one of the things i notice about people, is after a break up, we get very emotional, and have tons of thoughts, and all the ones on the way. We get weighed down with all these scenarios, and lose sight of what our inner-self is going through, or even our inner-selves, period..the little things start to become the big things, and especially the talk about "what went wrong" or "what happened".... How you feel, how they feel, then the middle ground. You can reason, and have all sorts of conversations about it, and around the problem, but not the SOLUTION, as in, what to do...
Simplify the "problem", if you can indeed, identify it. It may take you weeks, months, and a lot of therapy and self discovery, but the answers will come to you, if you are seeking the truth. So now that you're here, you don't feel as anxiety ridden. You may feel in the middle of a sea of problems to re-connect, and how to jump through the hoops...realize.... it doesn't matter. no reasoning, no logic, no "why did they leave", whether they hate you, none of it matters when it comes to love.
what the feeling of love is....what you really want to get at is the feeling, when you first fall in love with someone you don't think about the obstacles that come along the way, it doesn't seem to matter then, does it? also, if you love someone you could look past differences, you just love them because you love them, and love comes first. Then reason, and logic to justify that feeling, why we want them back... you're kind of left scratching your head... it has nothing to do with superficiality, what it comes down to is that feeling of true love, period. When you think about all these obstacles, realize, it shouldn't matter.
The first mistake I see people do is usually they picture themselves trying to pull, or drag their ex back into the exact place they broke up with them in, in the first place. They'll usually use tricks, or tactics, make themselves feel better, pull themselves up infront of their ex, and put on a show.
Traps... really? Do you really want to "trap" him? What you want... is for them to want you of their own volition if you've any sense. Do not try to trick anyone into thinking a situation, especially if it involved drugs, violence, emotional violence, or any kind of domestic dispute. I always see the originating problem come up again, especially if neither of the people have worked on it, and just slapped themselves back together as a couple. The poison is always there to invisibly manifest itself later on down the road.
Clearly, this is not a good way of going about it, because if you ex does go for it, they're going to make sure next time not to be so foolish, so be careful, when coming front to them- be honest, about where your focus is... Enjoy life again. So a lot of you interpret this as "put on a big big show to make him think you've moved on"--- kind of putting up this facade of moving on. it may work sometimes, but it's still not honest. after a while, it progresses no where. once they DO start talking to you again, you start putting the "mask" aside.... and projecting that image out there.... and as soon as they sense that feeling from you, they know that all this stuff they see you're doing "must just be for them, and not for you"... this is one example of something i've seen. as soon as this happens, they'll be suspicious. and if they came back? then what happens? they put it all away? and they're back with the old you?
yes. to them, you were just covering up ..and now they know "oh, you're still the old problematic you". so it's super important that the idea of them coming back is from them, themselves. and never forcibly pull them back in, but be where you are. stand still. dont go out there and jump through hoops, just breathe, stand still, and think about what it is that they'd WANT to come back to.... and can you DO that?
They must actually think to want you back... so don't try that "mask" tactic I was talking about. please, be who you are. you want them to come back to something you love, and something you understand that they fell in love with about you, and it's possible to bring it back out, and simultaneously start over, with even more power...
A lot of us lose ourselves in a relationship, and project it in the relationship, and often, that's when the breakup can happen, because sometimes when it comes to a head, it is easier to walk away. the hard part is getting back to who you are. for yourself, first. focus on you, yourself. put the energy that you're putting worrying on yourself and you'll start to feel strong. to please yourself, make yourself happy and confident, and delightful to be with, because you're actually content with yourself, and it genuinely isn't just to "please you ex"
People who tend to feel bad about making "mistakes" in the relationship also tend to over-compensate. Please them too much. Or feel like you need to walk on eggshells. cause you're worried what you'll say will drive them away. once again, it's about you, not your ex. your ex will feel this, and when they get it they wont feel that attraction to want to come back. so then what? at the end?what do they get? they don't just want someone who will do everything for them. they want someone who's their own person their own mind the ability to make themselves happy.
your partner should never feel responsible for your happiness. that responsibility is yours. constantly. make yourself happy. we all want someone who is themselves and who can make themselves happy. were drawn to people who are complete like that for a reason. think of yourself as a planet with an orbit, a healthy one, with a strong center... and you're attracting them back into your planet, they'll gravitate toward you, because you're happy with yourself. you know who you are and you know what you DON'T lack, and THAT'S very very attractive.
-caitlin osanna brown
continued later.......