#love advice

[moderndatingstories]

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[iwmtfil90]

I'm gonna start charging people for my services as an non-official couple therapist bc wtf do u mean now is not only my friend but also my friend's boyfriend the one texting me about their problems and expecting me to help????

FOR FUCKS SAKE I'M AROMANTIC AND I'VE NEVER EVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WHY DO U THINK I'M THE ONE BEST SUITED TO DISCUSS THIS THINGS OUT OF OUR ENTIRE GROUP OF EXPERIENCED FRIENDS I SUCK MY ONLY ADVICE IS GOING TO BE TO TALK AND HAVE A PROPER CONVERSATION ABOUT WHATEVER IS BOTHERING YOU BC I DON'T KNOW WHAT MORE SHOULD I SAY😭

[tb-151]

Not my usual post but I dont have many people I can go to for love advice so like any rational person I'll turn to the Internet instead.

I've liked this girl for a long time now (I'm also a girl for anyone reading). Like since December, and I'm pretty sure she held the same feelings for a long time, but I never asked her out as I had a lot of shit going on and could barely leave the house so it felt selfish. Now I'm okay but found out she now likes some guy. (She's bi)

I've been going to ask her out, and I made a canvas and a letter to give to her next time I see her (which might be next week), but this was before I found out about the guy. Part of me still wants to give it to her though since I spent some time on it and I know I'll always regret it if I just keep quiet forever. But idk if that'll ruin our friendship.

Im 16 too so this is my first ever real crush and its a strong one, and it hurts finding out I've missed my chance.

So yeah, no idea what to do now. So any advice would be appreciated if this even reaches people.

[kagemane]

Real quick:

Your coworker requests time off for their birthday and takes off Friday and Sunday, but still decides to work Saturday because you and them have been scheduled to cover a department together on Saturdays for the past month. They have no real obligation to work this shift, they just decide to do so because the two of you have been covering it together. This coworker very rarely does things that they do not want to do and hates being at this job. Everyone else is surprised they did this.

You have a crush on them. Based upon this scenario, would you think that crush was reciprocated?

Yes

No

Maybe…?

Voting ended on6h

[lonelybat3]

Im falling apart and I need help

So, I’m 16F, and I have this 16F girlfriend I met online; she lives 500km away from me and we have never met in real life. Soon enough we will both turn 17. I absolutely adore her and she feels the same, we’ve been together for little more than a month but we were friends for a while before that (we‘d known and spoke to each other for like a year or so but started getting really really close a few months ago.). We’ve texted every day every hour for like two months or so now, we’ve video called before, sent each other videos, pictures and vocal notes. We are EXTREMELY attached. We are both HSPs, which doesn’t help things. Ive never been so happy in a relationship. She makes me feel seen, loved for who I am, safe, and all the "stupid" stuff that people who are in love say, but it’s true. I’ve been in relationships before, but I’ve never felt anything quite like this. She’s my muse, my life, my everything, the reason I smile and wake up in the morning. Not to sound like a "crazy lady", but it’s almost like our souls really have some sort of connection or something. Now, here comes the trouble.

I didn’t want to keep this hidden from my parents for too long, so I told them about our relationship a few days ago. I knew they’d react badly, as they are extremely protective, all because they love me, but it sometimes seriously ruins my life. And trust me, I’m not the kind of teenager to say that they’re ruining my life just because they don’t want me to have social media or to go out alone, that’s stuff I understand, and never complain about. It’s on a much deeper level. I now have this thing that’s starting to get really toxic for me and I acknowledge it, where I need everything I am and do to be approved by them, and I just can’t imagine doing anything against them, or that could even slightly disappoint them or go against what they want for me. It’s ruining my life. I have a psychologist I see regularly because my mental healthy is complicated, and I’ll tell her about this next time I see her. So anyway, I went and told them, and I knew this wouldn’t be an easy pill for them to swallow, but I felt I needed to. And it went even worse than I could have imagined. They were extremely upset, I spent the whole afternoon talking with them and crying until i physically couldn’t anymore, and basically, they don’t approve of this relationship at all as they say that this type of relationship (long distance) is not possible for a HSP like me, that I would end up being destroyed…except I’m destroyed now.

I just can’t bring myself to leave her for good, to not love her, to do anything. After I told them, all I ate in 24 hours was a piece of fruit and three lettuce leaves. I can’t sleep, can’t eat, I have constant really hard bellyaches, nauseas like I’ll just throw up anytime, as well as other things I won’t speak of. Its a living hell, and I’m weighing my words. I mean it, this is not just an emotional teenager speaking, I know that this is serious. I’ve been through stuff before, but this is the first time I’m so miserable.

I just love her more than I’ve ever loved anyone, it’s crazy, I can’t describe it well enough. I’ve been through breakups and stuff before and always handled it so well that my parents didn’t even see anything of my sadness; this is a whole new level. Im usually someone who smiles and laughs a lot and find an immense interest in things such as art, history and so on, and nowadays i just can’t bring myself to smile in an honest way, to laugh at all, to find as much joy in my passions or in anything as I usually do. And mind you, I’m currently in the place I love most in the world.

She says she could take trains and come to see me, but my parents said that even if she did, they wouldn’t let me see her. In September, a new law applies in our schools and we won’t have our phones at school, so we can’t talk during the day, and when we come home we’ll have work to do, so we won’t often be able to speak more than like 30min-an hour a day. If we cant see each other irl, this is truly going to be torture.

If I listened to my parents I would’ve dumped her and dropped talking to her completely days ago, but I just cannot. My head is telling me to do as my parents want me to, in order not to ruin our relationship and to please them, basically. My relationship with my parents isn’t always the easiest, but they really matter to me, and as I’ve said before, I need their approval and recognition to a point where it may be toxic and harmful for me. Every time I think of her I feel like I’m making the greatest mistake of my life by trying to get away from her, i feel clearly that I love her way too much to even think of forgetting her and what we have, and I wake up every morning after only a few hours sleep feeling numb but destroyed, and like an enormous thing is missing from me.

Before you mention it, I would not allow myself to do something like having her take a train to come see me and going to meet her pretending I’m seeing friends or something, I’d feel extremely guilty and my parents would find out, I know it.

So here comes the question : What can we do ? What should we do ? We are totally mentally destroyed by this situation, she’s in the same state as me, and we don’t know what to do.

[loveadvice]

Hi! So a friend of a friend met me at a party and slide into my dm’s a few weeks ago and ended up asking me out after we talked for a few weeks. We went on a first date the other day and I really like him but I got the ick from something and I’m really trying hard to push past it, do you have any advice? It’s just the cadence of his speaking voice, something about it feels off and it irks me a bit. I feel like it shouldn’t matter but I can’t stop thinking about it and I don’t want to write him off just because of something stupid like that if I can find a way to look past it, is there a way to get over icks?

I think that is totally valid and my girlfriend is the same exact way so you are not alone in feeling this way.

It's fine that people sound a little off, but the issue comes into play when you guys are 6 months or however much in and he pisses you off one day. It will just end up magnifying how you feel about the situation and even if you get past it, the way he talks will end up becoming something that just continues to bother you and will probably make you even resent him. I might sound a bit like I am reaching here too, but I think someone's voice can reveal a lot about who they are as a person and if you feel like something feels off about the way he sounds, then it could be because there is actually something off about the way he is deep down.

I really don't think it is stupid. I know it sounds like a Seinfeld episode, but I think liking the way someone talks is as important as finding them attractive. Just because you don't like the way he sounds, doesn't mean he is going to sound bad to everyone in the same way that you can have someone you don't find attractive, but someone else is head over heals to see them.

[loveadvice]

hi first timer here! Basically I’ve had a friend on crush, Let’s call them A, but I got over it and never told them. A gets into a relationship and spent all their time w/ their partner doing all of the stuff we used to do together which I didn’t notice or really mind. A breaks up with that person and immediately jumps back into the stuff their partner did w/ them w/ me. And I’m left confused? Am I suppose to be a platonic rebound? Will this rekindle my old feelings for them? Thank you for reading

If I understand what you are saying, you and this person broke up, they dated someone else, and then those two people broke up and now you guys are back together.

If you're confused, then you should just ask this person what they are feeling about you or where they think things would go. You two have already dated so this shouldn't be a taboo topic to talk about. In fact, I feel like that is something you SHOULD talk about early on because stuff like this happen where you feel like you are in limbo.

Just sit them down one on one and talk to them honestly to learn more about how they are feeling and let them know how you feel so expectations for this relationship is set. Whether it be a platonic relationship or romantic again.