Processing the Process
The problem with two life-altering, cataclysmic events happening within the same short period of time, is that - like wack-a-mole - one of them is always waiting to pop up and catch you when you least expect it.
Coming into the first Christmas without my mom, I was prepared for big feelings. My family battened down those hatches and we coped.
What I wasn’t expecting, after the presents were unwrapped, and the big meals eaten, and the guests heading for home, was to be hit full in the face with the existential angst of being unemployed.
I thought I had put most of these particular ghosts to rest, but I think maybe it has to do with the New Year looming, and no set plan of what to do next. I hate not contributing to our income, and feel I’ve let my family down.
In her piece ‘Five Painful Things to Do When You Lose Your Job’ in www.the muse.com , Elizabeth Alterman talks about the importance of acknowledging your feelings, but then moving on.
“… after you’ve been let go, you may find yourself experiencing a range of emotions: panic upon saying goodbye to a regular paycheck, exhilaration as you embrace life without a set routine, rage when you reflect on all the long hours you devoted to your former position—the list goes on.
Rather than get caught up in each of these, recognize that they’re all normal. But then—and this is the tough love talk everyone needs in this situation—move on and focus on the future.”
I think this is really important advice, as acknowledging our feelings airs out your wounds rather than letting them fester in silence, and the discomfort you feel can also be a spur to move forward.
Indeed, I think part of this psychic slump was due to my lack of productivity about where I’m going next. I have been very busy these last few months working on personal development, laying some foundations and getting back to fighting speed, all of which kept me pretty sane and centered.
Talking my foot off the gas for the holidays allowed some of the old demons and insecurities the space to sneak back into my head. Getting back and busy on my future plans, getting in control of what I can be in control of and, heck, even just writing about it in this blog is already giving me a new lease on life.
What I’m saying is movement is key. Physical movement, like going for a walk, exercising, doing yoga, or mental movement, like thinking, learning, planning are great ways to get your sad, sludgy internal systems moving again.
So I guess those are my words of wisdom for today. Don’t be afraid to feel your feelings; listen to them, honor them, and then let them go.
Then get busy doing whatever positive things you can that will contribute to your forward momentum.
The bad times are just a blip on your journey. So long as you don’t decide to sit down in the middle of them and make them your home, you will pass through them and come out in a different (and usually better) place.
It’s a process.