#produceboy

[warmthintouches]

Sometimes I don't feel like we're even a real couple because we do not do any of the things couples do.

We don't spend much time together outside of work. I'm lucky for a mere 15 minutes of your time outside of work weekly. Fucking ridiculous btw

We don't go on dates

We've never been on a date

You have never stayed the night at my house

You still leave me on read sometimes

We don't tell each other much about our days when we're not at work bc we barely talk

You have only ever bought me one gift for no reason that wasn't food and I had to bring it up several times

You don't care if we take our breaks together or not

You don't wait for me after work bc I take 10 minutes longer than you

We've not met any of each others family

Your fb still says single 🚩🚩🚩

You don't ever tell me I'm pretty or beautiful without me asking you if you think so. You never just tell me I'm pretty...ever. never. Ever. Not that I'm beautiful or pretty or even cute. You don't see a selfie and tell me I'm pretty.

You never go out of your way to do anything to help me and I'll never fucking ask

I know all this and yet I like you so much that I just keep accepting it. I just keep trying to be okay with it. I haven't wanted to pressure you or rush you.

I moved for a lot of reasons, but one was definitely so that we'd have somewhere to be comfortable at, and we hang out less now.

I just feel horrible and stupid.

I feel worthless to you

[warmthintouches]

I'm just never convinced you actually like me....

[a-warm-whisper]

He comes to say bye at work bc he leaves before me if I still have stuff to do.

He starts to walk off

Me: be safe, lmk when you get home safe. Byeeeeee

Him: always *makes heart sign at me* bye babeeeeeeee

...

...

Coworker: so how's it going with ProduceBoy?

Me: I am enjoying it. I think its going well

Her: so no "I love yous" yet?

Me: oh nooo. No no no. Too scared

Her: yeah, let him say it first

Her: by that time you'll be settled down on a porch somewhere before he finally says it.

Her: how long have you guys been dating?

Me: four months now

Her: its about that timee....

Me: no. No. No. Too scared. Panic. Im going to pretend we never talked about this.

[warmthintouches]

You said

"I miss you"

first today

[warmthintouches]

Me: my new space is gonna be such a cluster of vibes. Bc I want moody/witchy nature vibes, but I also have a lot of weeb/cute stuff

Him: it'll be interesting, just like you 😘 but you're gonna make it look great

Me: im so happy. It's hard to decorate here at my dad's bc everything is so cramped and dark and I can't do what I want with my space. It'll be so nice so have a nice clean spot to work with 🫶

Me: 🥲 sorry if I'm annoying about moving

Him: its not annoying at all babe, I like seeing you finally getting excited about it 😘😊😊 you deserve it and I know you'll be so much happier there. You deserve a space to feel comfortable and happy in.

Me: eeeeeeee 🥰🥰

[warmthintouches]

Me: Can I ask you something that's a little weird and a little late to be asking this?

Him: Sure

Me: You value me right?

Him: Absolutely babe

Me: 😅😅 ...you ...you want to spend time with me? It's not like ...a burden when I ask to spend time with you? you enjoy talking to me every day? Eeeeep

Him: Your never a burden, i enjoy every moment with you in person or texting on here.. just wish we had more freedom (which hopefully should happen once we get you moved in with Dusty)

Me: It should be a lot easier once I move, which is a major plus to me moving. I just overthink (as you know i do) and I thought about how I always initiate hangouts and stuff...(usually) and got worried that I was only fun when it's convenient? 😅 eeeeeeeeeeep

Him: Im just very low maintenance.. I usually just wanna chill, watch something, play something etc.. not a huge going out person and the car hangouts are cool but its just some music a little talking and great sex lol

Me: I'm like that too, I would much rather just watch something or play something while chilling in my comfy clothes together. But! Quality time means something to me too.. 👉👈 so I know it might be lame but I like to know that spending time with me means something to you?? And when we don't do it very often I start to second guess my worth? Idk if im explaining it very well 😓

Him: I do understand, but you should never second guess your worth with me.. if it somehow fades then I will let you know because you deserve my complete honesty babe

Me: I really appreciate the honesty 🫶 it means a lot. I will also be honest about that too. I uh, I just think im trying to say that I would be comforted maybe if you tried to spend more time with me? Or suggested spending time together? I know it's lame to just hang out in the car or just go eat or something but...I'd like it? And it will be different im assuming once I move/less difficult to figure out things to do. I'm sorry im being annoying

Him: No need to apologize, i want you to express how you feel so we can work on things

Me: 🫶🏼🫶🏼 want you to be comfortable with me

Him: I am comfortable with you.. im still partially stuck in my loner routine of leave work asap, shower, eat and game/yt.. so im never trying to just leave you after work its just my mind goes straight into routine mode after lunch basically

Me: I'm glad you're comfortable with me and I know it takes some getting used to. I just like spending time with you but I don't want to be too much. So I don't like to bug you bc its out of your routine. And im simple I don't require much, just need some time wiff you. And to talk to you outside of work.

Him: Maybe we need to work on scheduling/ setting a more legit schedule to regularly hangout for a bit.. since we are both creatures of routine

Me: Maybe so? We do have the same Wednesdays off. And I just get tired of our only interactions being at work 🥺 but! We can talk about it tomorrow or something. You need to get some rest, im sorry for keeping you up with silly things.

Him: Nothing silly about this babe, but yes lets try and continue this tomorrow

Me: I appreciate you caring and taking time to talk to me about it 🫶 let's try to talk about it tomorrow if we're not too exhausted. You need sleeps

Him: Sounds good babe, get some rest as well 😘🫶🏼 sweet dreams and see you tomorrow

[warmthintouches]

What happens when we get tired? What happens when we get tired of car banging/you sneaking me in to your house while your parents are at work and I leave immediately afterwards? What happens when we just want to cuddle? What happens when we get tired of having to make plans to do something when I simply just want your presence and want to just be near you? What happens when you get tired of me constantly wanting to just sleep next to you and we can't do that? What happens then? What happens when eventually, inevitably, we get tired of how things are and we want more? Will you just let me go? When you're tired but I want some time to cuddle after work? Will you realize how much effort I require? Will you get annoyed eventually? What happens then? Will you just

Let me go?

Will you try at all? Or are you just done at that point? Is that what you're waiting on? Are you just waiting to see how long I'll last being okay with how things are? Will you just say it isn't going to work and that's final? Is that it? Will I have liked you for nothing?

I'm too scared to bring anything up. I don't wanna fight, I don't want you to say "when you agreed to this you knew our living situations would be difficult"? Bc .. I cant handle you just being gone. And yet all I want is to just ....relax with you. But im too afraid to tell you.

[warmthintouches]

Him: im sorry, im not 100% myself tonight, I keep zoning out...

Me: thats okay, we can talk about it some other time, but soon

Him: okay, thank you. We can decide something tomorrow.

Me: okay 😊 do you want me to leave you alone for the night?

Him: not at all

Me: okay, just checking

Him: ... please never leave me 🫶

Me: 🫶🥹 I won't