The Teddy Munches (Bamsemums)
We are all familiar with the joke about the kid that tries to impress his mother by removing one and one limb from his bike's steering wheel. So in the event of my untimely case of bronchitis, I have gotten the brilliant idea of taking that one step further!
LADYMEN AND GENTLEQUEERS¹, I present to you, The Teddy Munches!
5 little chocolate covered delights, shaped as the wonderful teddies we all know from our childhoods (and if you didn’t have one, you have my sympathies). These little monsters are a Norwegian delicacy, and the hunting season is all year around. However, if you hunt too many of them, you will not like the consequences, as you will experience a rather large fine, and your money will mysteriously vanish. And if you don’t bite off the head of these and laugh evilly when you look at it, you need to seek professional help.
But enough about this exotic creature. Let’s move on to the pictures and what they represent. I went hunting for these wonderful things last night, because sometimes you find yourself having urges one can only quench by grabbing your weapon, getting the right equipment and take yourself down to the nearest nesting grounds of the exotic teddy munch family. The chocolate covered bears are simply too delicious to ignore, and while it is not a cheap hunt to take part in, the spoils are well worth it. For a while.
What you see here, is a pictured ritual of a group of teddy munches getting ready to be eaten by the human that captured them. No one really knows why they have this ritual, or what it is supposed to be good for, but it is quite a sight to behold, albeit a bit grotesque.
The pictures has a caption, so that you can read what is going on in each of them, but in case you would prefer to read here, this is what they say:
This is the exotic Teddy Munch creature, exclusive to the urban territory of Norwegian stores, and these five are about to show us something extraordinary..!
The leader of the pack, the large brown to the left, has placed his pack in position. "Look, human! No HANDS!"
The second has taken his position, and is now smiling at us. "Look, human NO FEET!"
It is still unknown what the point of this ancient ritual is, but studies have shown that the next section of this is when the third steps forward and says "ooff, humimph, noph phaphe!"²
But it is the last section that leaves the scolars stunned. The last bear lies down, waits for the leader to chop his head off, and before the gruesome sight is seen, he says "Look, human, NO HEAD!"
¹ This applies to everyone, really. Ladies, gentlemen, genderqueer, people, human, otherkin, whichever you feel more comfortable with. I’m just buzzed on painkillers and medication and thought this sounded funny.
² Translation: Look, Human, no face!” This should have been ‘no teeth,’ I know, but I bit off too much and you can’t see their teeth, so... face it was.