Coming Out II
Ok so... I’ve been busy hiding in a mental health hole. It hasn’t been good at all. But I wanted to update you on my situation. OK so, parents’ response had been encouraging, but... then... my mother spoke to me while I was having a panic attack. Now, before I go further, I should reiterate (I think I’ve already mentioned this) that she never came to terms with her daughter being gay. Ever. She tolerated it, but would call my partners my ‘friend’ at family gatherings and so on. That kind of thing. You know? Like, understated homophobia. So needless to say I was overjoyed with their email. They wanted to learn! They wanted to find out about my situation!! And then the phone call happened. She noticed I was stressed and told me she felt I should give something up. I said that I didn’t want to give up work or college, so what could I give up? And she said that I could ‘give up being transgender’. The conversation ended very quickly after that, and we haven’t spoken since. I have sent them links, though, and information on my situation. My dad emailed back, saying that he was keen to read it all. I’m not sure how my mother will be. My mother doesn’t see beyond her little bubble a lot of the time. It’s extremely frustrating and upsetting. But, it could be worse. It could be A LOT worse. I’m actually a very privileged cookie, considering. It is just hard to see it sometimes.
HOWEVER!! College, on the other-hand... all my tutors, and students are adjusting to my new name and so on. And they’re all asking the right questions and being very sweet. One of them informed me that he might have trouble with my name, and I told him that that’s ok, as long as he tries. He smiled. I don’t know why but that moment made me feel so much better about things. People want to try. People care enough to do right by me. This is greatly encouraging. Especially given that, with the political climate being the way it is, as well as my mother, the world feels like it’s against LGBTQIA rights. I want to avoid getting too political in my posts, but this whole Trump and May thing has really gotten to me. So having this gentle moment of caring and love made up for so much of the misery I’ve been looking at. I know it didn’t fix anything, but it encouraged me to keep fighting. To keep standing with my fellow (for wont of a less genderised word) man. To shake my left fist in the face of adversity.
Thank you,
DYLAAAAAANNNN (I’m shouting it with pride - hee)