Dating In The Age Of Ploog
by Rebecca Kreskell Enough ink has been spilled over Ploog at this point (there are even articles about its business applications, for god’s sake). But surprisingly little of it has focused on how the world’s first universal orifice adapter—and the way it’s suddenly given people access to hundreds of new orifices and protuberances—has affected dating and relationships.
Obviously, there are already way, way more trends affecting modern dating than we poor singles could ever keep track of—Tinder, ghosting, going cashless, glamping, Millennial economic insecurity, constantly evolving gender norms, etc.—but when it comes down to it, having the opportunity to cram (or be crammed with!) tons of new holes and protrusions poses too many changes to our love lives to ignore.
Number one is just the fact of Ploog itself. As an orifice adapter, it’s a tool of course, but as anyone who’s been out on the bar or club scene lately can tell you, it’s also a hot accessory. In the past month I’ve seen more and more people checking out each other’s Ploogs, asking about their favorite orifices and protuberances, or complimenting each other on their color choice. As a conversation starter, it’s great, but of course it also means having one more thing you have to remember when you head out for a night on the town. (God forbid you find yourself facing down some crazy new orifice at the end of the night without your trusty Ploog to deal with it!)
Number two—and this is a blessing and a curse—having access to a wider variety of orifices and protuberances (thanks to Ploog!) means also having a wider selection of potential dates. That might sound awesome, and in many ways it is, but as anyone who’s ever felt overwhelmed by the thousands of Tinder-using singles in your neighborhood knows, it is possible to be spoiled with too many choices.
Number three, unavoidably, is rudeness. We’ve all been guilty of the following: Your on a first date with someone, they’re sitting right across the table from you telling you their life story… and you don’t hear a word of it because you’re too busy using your Ploog to take on a murderer’s row of new protuberances you’ve been curious about. Yes, just like the smartphone before it, the Ploog can be an absolute distraction magnet. Fortunately, the solution is not only easy, but also fun. Instead of rudely keeping that Ploog to yourself while someone else is trying to get your attention, why not take the opportunity for a bonding experience and use the Ploog together? After all, the only thing better than going buck wild on an exciting new orifice is going buck wild on an exciting new orifice with someone’s help!
