I've been on tumblr for so long, through so many changes to the platform and i follow so many people that I don't even know if my most beloved mutuals from times past are still here.
Where have you gone? Did you change your handle? Your profile pic? Did our interests diverge so much that we do not pop up on each other's timelines anymore?
I remember when the only things on my timeline were the posts you and I made, and everything else was something I searched for myself. I remember when they didn't suggest posts to me at such volume that I lost you in the debris. I remember when ask games were something worth doing even when your following was barely in the double digits because i could count on you to send me things. I remember when I didn't need to turn on notifications for you in order to join in on your fun. I remember chat boards, and post editing, and fuckyeah![topic], and asking narnia blogs if Jake Gyllenhaal was gay, and how sitting for the PSAT on Wednesday meant I knew about Crimson Leaves, Falling but nothing of cows. I remember the letter E. I remember the color of the sky. I remember how it felt to discuss things with you in the tags of a post about the thing that brought us together. I have seen this site 'abandoned' once, then twice, then two thousand times. But I do not know how we drifted apart.
Do we even still follow each other? My beloved, eldest mutuals - do you ever think of me? My beloved, dearest, eldest mutuals - do you even still exist?
