SUMMARY ➝ Penny and Emmy talk at the Halloween party and make some big decisions.
EMMY CORCORAN
It was towards the end of the night, and Emmy's resolve was broken. She had never felt more alone or out of place than in a setting of people wearing costumes. She glanced down at the green ivy dress that Addy had put her in, and she felt pretty silly. While she was trying to be friends with Penny, she would have been lying if she said it didn't hurt to see her in a couples costume with Logan. But, she was alone in that moment, and frankly, Emmy was desperately in need of a safe person.
"Hi," Emmy sat beside her on the couch. Penny had been safe, once, and she could be again. At least, based on how Emmy felt herself already start to calm down in her presence. "You look nice. Who are you supposed to be?"
PENNY SYLVESTER
Despite all of the crazy going on in Penny’s mind, all of the confusion and the guilt and the sadness she felt, somehow she still managed to find it in herself to be on for this party, just like she’d been on at work all day. It was exhausting and excruciating, but finally the festivities seemed to be winding down, so Penny took herself off to a quiet couch, leaving Logan to continue to hang out with their friends.
Her social battery was at about a zero, although there was one person she’d never quite run out of energy for, and as that one person approached, the smile on Penny’s lips, while small, was genuine. “Hey, Em. Having fun?” She asked, happy that Emmy was choosing to sit beside her. Her presence helped Penny’s tension ease some, even if it really should’ve done the exact opposite. “Oh, Harley Quinn. I’ve never actually seen the movie or read the comics or whatever… I thought the costume was cute, though.” She shrugged, glancing down at her outfit, then focusing on Emmy’s. “You look incredible. I love the green on you.”
EMMY CORCORAN
"Thank you," Emmy shrugged, blushing at the compliment but also feeling like there was a hole that suddenly appeared in the floorboards that she wished would just swallow her up. "Um, it was Addy's idea? I was originally under a rest... I had on a prison outfit and a headband with a quarter rest on it. But I definitely did not get the memo on the dress code..." Everyone looked what Emmy was the conventional definition of hot, and while she was stupid, she wasn't blind.
"You look great, too," Giving or receiving compliments was not her strong suit, and Emmy frankly knew she was broken. "This is some dress Addy had, and it reminded me of a song I like, so I went with it."
PENNY SYLVESTER
It was further proof that Emmy was and always had been the exception that Penny chuckled softly, rather than willing her to leave the way she would’ve anybody else. “Under a rest… That’s genius, Emmy.” Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean dress code? It’s Halloween, the dress code is spooky, sexy, funny or punny, and you hit three of those with your original costume.”
Penny had had plenty of compliments in her own costume, but it meant more coming from Emmy, and her smile in response was the most genuine it’d been all night. “Oh yeah? Stand up, let me see it.”
EMMY CORCORAN
Emmy felt color flood her cheeks as Penny called her a genius, and wondered if she'd ever become any less hopeless. The answer seemed to be a resounding no. "Th-- thank you," she stammered out, unable to meet Penny's eyes. "Oh... no, I mean, it was punny. But definitely not spooky. Or, um, sexy. I don't think anyone would call me that."
Emmy did stand, and let the ripples of green tulle and glittery appliques fall around her. "It looked better on Addy, I think."
PENNY SYLVESTER
“I’d call you that,” Penny said without thought, and while she regretted doing so immediately after, it wasn’t because she didn’t think it. She was still just trying to move with caution around Emmy, and calling her sexy didn’t seem to be all too cautious a move. She decided to go with it, though, and admired Emmy’s dress as she stood to show it off. Penny responded with a smile, though it fell to a frown then. “Why do you do that?” She asked with a tilted head. She patted the seat beside her again, hoping Emmy would sit. “I wish you knew how amazing you are, Em.”
EMMY CORCORAN
"It... It was a tee shirt and leggings and a stupid headband," Emmy countered, and then gestured to Penny's outfit. "You... I mean, you definitely look... sexy." Emmy wrinkled her nose, only because the word didn't seem to encapsulate exactly how good Penny looked, and while she wished she had a better understanding of the English language, it was difficult for her to try and find it. "I bet you'll have a great night, tonight. With..." But Logan's name died in her throat and she was grateful for the distraction of being able to stand and clear the air. She sat beside Penny again, grateful for the dark so that Penny could not see her cheeks turn pink. "I think that's my problem. Or the journey I have to take. Being able to see it for myself."
PENNY SYLVESTER
Penny responded with a soft smile, because Emmy was sexy, and funny, and charming, and all of the things she knew Emmy couldn’t see herself, but she was also cute, and her confusion was just that. “It’s not the outfit that makes it sexy. It’s the person wearing it.” She nodded, another smile. “I do look sexy, because I’m sexy.” She winked. “The costume is just a bonus.” Sitting here with Emmy, despite plenty of other people in the room, made Penny forget her troubles for a short time, forget there were even others around, though when Emmy started to say what Penny was certain she was going to say, her heart stopped. “I think this has been my favourite part of the night,” she said in a softer voice. “Sitting here with you.”
Penny considered for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, maybe. That sounds like a scary journey, but one that’s gonna be so fulfilling in the end.” She gave Emmy an almost sympathetic look. “I don’t know that the main goal of a convent is help their members feel sexy, though.”
EMMY CORCORAN
"Yeah..." Emmy trailed off, swallowing nervously. She agreed with Penny, and she knew how good Penny looked in her costume, but also how good Penny looked at all times, and how she definitely needed to take a few breaths before she continued that conversation. "Well... the night is young, right? I'm sorry that this is the highlight so far. You must be having a terrible night."
Emmy's mouth moved into a thin line at the mention of the convent. She knew it was hard to understand. "The main goal of me joining the convent is so that I'm not alone when all of my siblings end up married and with their own families. So I have a home, and a community, and a place I'll belong. I can learn how to believe in God. I mean, music is already the highest power I believe in. I don't need to feel sexy as a life goal. I just need to feel like I belong somewhere."
PENNY SYLVESTER
“Stop it.” Penny laughed quietly. “I’m having a great night. I’ve done plenty tonight, I’ve talked to plenty of people, I’ve danced and mingled and eaten a ton of sugary snacks. But even with all of that, I’m telling you this is my favourite part, because it’s the truth. If you can’t believe good things from yourself, at least believe them from me.”
She frowned, listening to Emmy’s reasons. “Isn’t Addy the only one that’s getting married? I’m not a twin, but I can imagine it’s harder when you are, trying not to compare yourself to them. But you have plenty of time to find your home and your community. I mean, you already have one with your siblings whether they have spouses or partners of their own or not.” She paused, fighting herself about whether to go on or not. “I want to be part of yours. I never stopped.”
EMMY CORCORAN
Emmy couldn't believe anything from Penny, and in fact, she might have looked at her like she had suddenly sprouted another pair of-- very gorgeous legs. Legs that were being very shown off in the... Emmy was getting ahead of herself. "Well... thank you." She didn't know what else to say.
"Can... can you explain to me how that works?" Emmy swallowed, because she didn't want to go down this path-- not really-- not especially knowing how much it would likely hurt. "Like... do you want me to be your... thing on the side? What... I'm not really understanding this. How you can say this while you're married."
PENNY SYLVESTER
“You’re welcome.” Penny nodded, grateful Emmy wasn’t trying to fight her. It felt like a little bit of progress. Her head tilted as Emmy began to question her, though, her expression falling at the very idea. “What? No.” She shook her head. “Emmy, no. I’d never want you to be that.” She scooted slightly closer, wanting to cocoon them in their own little bubble. “I meant as your friend, but you also have to know that’s not all I want to be to you. But if that’s all I ever can be, I get it.” Penny considered again. “Remember how I told you I’m not happy? I wasn’t lying. And I don’t want to keep doing this.” She glanced towards the larger crowd, then back to Emmy. “I’m not staying with him, Emmy... I think Logan and I were done a really long time ago. And I know that doesn’t mean anything for me and you, I don’t expect anything from you, but I just need you to know you’ll never be a thing on the side.”
EMMY CORCORAN
Emmy didn’t want to feel herself choke up, but she could sense the telltale wad of peanut butter in her throat. “I’ve loved you for so long, I don’t know how to stop. Who’s to say we are even compatible for each other anymore? Could I even give you what you need?” She blinked, and a tear spilled over. “I just can’t believe you’re here telling me everything I’ve ever wanted to hear, and I…” She shook her head. “Is this real? Can this all be real?”
PENNY SYLVESTER
The steadiness of Emmy’s voice seemed to change, and Penny felt her own eyes beginning to sting at the idea of upsetting Emmy—then even more so as she went on. “You’re asking if you could give me what I need?” Despite her prickling eyes, she gave a soft, quiet laugh. “I don’t need anything, I just need—I just want…” It felt mean to say ‘you’, even though that was exactly what Penny wanted to say. Even if she had every intention of ending it, she was still married, and she knew that meant something to Emmy. Watching the tear roll down Emmy’s cheek, Penny scooted even closer, then reached up to gently brush it away. “I just want to try, okay? Both of us. I want us to give us a chance.”
EMMY CORCORAN
“Everybody has something they need, Penny,” Emmy replied sadly, suddenly struck with remembering that whatever it had been when they were together so many years ago, it obviously hadn’t been enough for Penny. They were different people now— at least, that’s how Emmy felt. She was worlds away from the wide-eyed and optimistic girl who she’d been before, which was the girl that Penny had fallen in love with. Could she still be who and what Penny needed? What Emmy was quickly realizing was that her need was the reassurance that she could be enough— or that for the right person, she would be. “Yeah,” Emmy nodded, sniffing as she blinked away another set of tears. “I can do that.”
PENNY SYLVESTER
Emmy was right, everybody did have things they needed. But for Penny, she truly didn’t know what that was. She just wanted to be happy—needed to be happy, and Emmy even entertaining this conversation made her happier than she’d felt in a long time. She only nodded, staying close to Emmy with her body facing towards her. “Then let’s try,” she said, her heart hammering at the very prospect. “I know that right now I’m married, and like I said, I would never want you to be anything on the side. I’m gonna take care of that part, but let’s…hang out? Get to know each other again. Would that be okay?”
EMMY CORCORAN
Emmy nodded, swallowing nervously. She didn’t know how they’d gotten to this point, but she didn’t mind it. It was a happy thing, it seemed. She was surprised that she wasn’t suddenly starting to panic. No matter what, she was happy to be a part of Penny’s life again. “Yeah. I’d like that a lot.” Emmy bit down on her lower lip, giving her a side glance. “Can I give you a hug?”
PENNY SYLVESTER
By no means had this been easy, but Penny couldn't believe how smoothly their conversation had gone. She was filled with hope over the idea of them trying to move forward, to get to know each other again and see where this could go. It was exciting and overwhelming in the best way, and Penny could think of nothing she wanted more than a grounding hug. “Of course you can.” She gave a soft laugh, then lifted her arm to welcome Emmy in. “From what I remember, you always gave the best hugs.”
EMMY CORCORAN
"Do I really?" Emmy asked, shaking her head. "I don't know about that." But still, she swallowed nervously again and tried to find her inward place of calm. She leaned forward and, being mindful of the tulle green sleeves she was wearing, wrapped her arms around Penny and pulled herself closer. "I don't know. How is this?"
PENNY SYLVESTER
“You do.” Penny nodded. Was it normal to be nervous about a hug? She wasn’t sure, but her heart raced as she waited for Emmy’s touch. Then, just as suddenly, a feeling of calm swept over her, her own arms wrapping around Emmy in return. “Perfect.” She hummed contentedly. “Absolutely perfect.”
If anything "good" had come from Penny's texts to Emmy—the ones that'd prompted her to tell her she hated her—it was the fact that they were actually taking again...even if their conversations hadn't been the most friendly so far. More level-headed and less trapped in a lockdown environment, they'd agreed to meet at the on-campus coffee shop between classes, where Penny had ordered a simple caramel latte for herself and a chai latte for Emmy, then taken her seat at a table in a less populated section of the shop. She waved Emmy over when she saw her enter. "Hey," she greeted casually, offering Emmy a small, polite smile. "You still like chai, right?" Her nose scrunched. "I thought I'd do something nice by ordering for you, but now I realize it was probably kind of presumptuous. You don't have to drink it if you don't want to."
ZACH: Hey, you. I'm gonna go ahead and assume the lockdown was as shitty for you as it was for me.
ZACH: I was thinking we should hang out soon. Would you be down with that?
ZACH: Maybe a movie night or something? I'm staying at Immy's right now, but I don't think she'd mind too much. Or at all, really. @emmycorcoran
Hey, you all good now we're out and about? It was pretty rough right, and scary. If you ever want to talk or anything, I've been told I'm a good shoulder to cry on.
