#psychosistalks

[schizo-cripple]

15. Tips on how to best help and support a person with schizophrenia?

Be kind to us Be gentle with us We may be frightened But we get to choose

Let us be the ones To write the rules For you to follow When we’re to frightened to think

Don’t tell us we’re faking Don’t say our delusions are real Keep us safe from shadow creatures Do not make us a joke

Essentially, we fight a war Where you cannot see The battleground, the struggle The fighting or the weapons

But you can see us Let us tell you our story Keep listening where you can If we can lean on you, let us know

And don’t flinch from us if we’re odd Don’t demand we be healthier Or pretend to be for you Meet us where we are

We don’t get that often enough.

[schizo-cripple]

16. How you discovered that schizophrenia is not a death sentence/finding hope and joy in life with schizophrenia?

Life with schizophrenia Will never be the same As life in a healthy mind But that’s ok

I’m lucky enough To have some hallucinations Of which I’m fond And who are entertaining

But even with the painful ones The terror of delusions The emptiness of apathy The lethargic way I move

There are things worth living for The few things in life I still enjoy Like music and craft And the vindictive triumph of finishing tasks

In the face of how I struggle I delight in finding success No matter what the sort Or how small it may seem

My valley of struggle is deep And filled with jagged spines But the stone is beautiful When you remember to look

Close examination of my life gives joy Like the smell of coffee or feel of warmth Having very little reminds one That there’s something around every corner

[schizo-cripple]

13. How people react to knowing you have schizophrenia/how to react?

If I trust you with the truth And tell you I am schizophrenic The best thing I can say to do Is react like the boys in the park

When I was sitting under a tree Weeping until I choked Not a single friend came To see what the problem was

But when three strangers Came and asked me I was too distressed to lie And I told them I was crazy

And they reacted with kindness The only people I’ve ever met Who hearing “schizophrenia” Responded “can I help”

They asked if I wanted Water or a hug Respected every answer And sat with me

So if somebody tells you That they’re schizophrenic Remember those boys in the park Be kind, listen, respect us

We’ve trusted you

Don’t break it

[schizo-cripple]

11. How do your symptoms affect you in your everyday life?

A day is composed Of a thousand tasks You cannot see That I find exhausting

Thousands of decisions Logistics to manage My paranoia creeping All around my ears

Lies jumping in my mouth Clamouring to be released So I can hide the truth Of why my face is blank

Learning not to move A muscle in my face If I hear or see  Something that isn’t there

My every day is a sparring match Where I cannot let anyone see My opponent or my choices So I pretend to dance

My everyday life is constructed Around managing my fear My emptiness and strangeness Without ever letting on

[schizo-cripple]

10. How did your illness start? When/how did you realize you had schizophrenia/get diagnosed?

It started small and simple

With me lying wide awake Remembering the day And convinced it was a dream

The way it grew, a virus would envy Feeling its way down channels Of my mind, and infecting Each and every moment

All too soon, I hid from traffic Convinced it watched me With unfriendly eyes Reporting to whom I knew not

It was years later In a dingy classroom Staring at a screen I realised my reality had a name

“People may behave in ways That do not make much sense Because they believe someone watches Over the top of the fence”

I have been schizophrenic Almost all my life But it was giving it a name That let me live again

[schizo-cripple]

12. Do you take anti psychotics/go to therapy? Why/why not?

Therapy is an elaborate dance Tell enough to be believed Hide enough to stay free I dance it to survive

It helps to speak with someone Trained to nod and smile And tell me when I’m being Crazier than usual

But nonetheless it’s tiring To talk about my world With someone who does not Walk in it with me

My therapy is far more Found among my peers With maps handwritten By those gone before

To guide me through The labyrinth of consciousness With only minimal amounts Of terrifying falls

If I could, I’d find assistance In antipsychotic meds But they’re “too scary” For people who only see outside

So I make do without

[schizo-cripple]

Day 9: Representation in Media

I have never seen myself Shown as anything But murderer convicted Dangerous and frightening

Media says that I Am a threat to the world For daring to breath I become their psycho killer

Vilified and cast aside The world has given up And so in pain and loneliness I become your monster

That is the secret You are Frankenstein The more you call me freak The more I become your monster

It is tiring to be the bad guy In every story told For my existence to be A horror story by itself

Is it any wonder That it always seems to be I identify far more With the villain in your story?

[schizo-cripple]

Day 6: Cognitive Symptoms

I don’t know what I ate This morning for breakfast Morning doesn’t really mean Anything to me

I can’t remember time Can’t call to mind The one two three Of cause and effect

I’m staring into And endless void

Where others see A tidy line

Focus? Haven’t done that Since two thousand thirteen Haven’t had a habit Since well before

It’s hard to have a conversation When you forget the words Once they leave your mouth Or even well before

I’m standing at the platform Waiting for my train of thought And all I have is a ball of string And a feeling this isn’t right