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Thoughts on Myself and my Future

It has been a really very very very very long time since I’ve written a post. In actuality I have began writing a post one or two times, however they have ended up as drafts, because for some reason, I haven’t been able to finish writing them. Nevertheless, I really need some thinking space today. And as I’ve experienced in the past, writing the mess that’s in my mind, helps to clear it up. The thing I have been struggling with lately, is thinking about my future. I have only 2 years to go in High School and I am almost clueless about what I want to major in. I am aware that written like that, this might not seem like a great deal. In fact, it is. Being in college, as I see it, will be the basic training I will get for what I will do for perhaps the rest of my life. I’ve thought in the past about a variety of things I would like to do. They are mostly science related. Now-a-days I’m leaning more towards engineering. I realized that I dislike biology and I want to do something with more application than what I could potentially do as a physicist. But engineering absolutely does not narrow down what I want to do. Right now, I have a summer internship at a Material Science and Engineering lab. It has been an incredible experience. I have learnt a great deal, sometimes I even surprise myself by how much I’ve learnt. Working in a real lab, with real experts has been, more fantastic than what words can describe. Nonetheless, today I realized that I may not want to major in Material Science and Engineering. I love what I am doing right now at the lab, yet I don’t think it is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Perhaps Material engineering could be my thing, but just not this area of it. I suppose the only way I will find out, is if I read more about other areas of the career.

I’ve realized that what I like about learning, is knowing how things work. Not only that, I feel the need to know why things work the way they do.What purpose does it working, the way it does, have. I ask myself a lot these things, when I am around a scientific concept. However, I recently also realized that these questions are ones that I am asking myself about everything. I am not only interested in knowing how the universe works, how a solution works. I am also interested in how music works, how a society works, how history works, how feelings work, how psychology works. I am interested in knowing why certain songs sound better than others. so I break them down, I make observations and I take out my own conclusions. I want to know how things work, and I know that I am repeating it a lot. But I want to make a point, I want to emphasize how important this somewhat discovery is to me. As someone who is driven to know how things work, it is a great achievement to start finding out how I work. Not only that, this has also given me some insight into why I am so passionate about science. Science is basically this incredibly thing that gives us facts about how the most fundamental elements in our world work, and why they work that way they do. I don’t have to go far, I am internshipping at material science lab, which means that now I am fascinated by the containers I am eating in. Because, who would have thought that a glass of water is so so so so much more complicated than what the eye sees! A glass of water, is a convoluted thing. Where shall I start?? the glass or the water?? nothing is as simple as it seems, which is absolutely fascinating and fantastic. I know now that not everyone shares this world-view that I have. I am aware that this should be a fact that should be easy to discern-without adding that it is a very self evident one. But I wasn’t able to comprehend this, until I was standing under a starry night with my younger sibling, trying to figure her out, to understand how she works. When I look into a starry night, I am completely in awe. I am transfixed by the imprint of the past of the giant fireballs, that seem like dots to us in our planet. I wonder about a lot of things Like if the stars that I am seeing are currently alive or if they long ago became a supernova or a black hole. These are standard thoughts that go through my mind, thoughts that for some reason, I thought everyone had, whilst gazing into the night sky. But no person is the same, it took studying my sister, for that to completely down on me. When she sees the stars, she feels that they are pretty. Of course I feel the same thing! However our emotions spark from very different thoughts. She sees them as pretty, because they are shinning lights, not because they are blazing fireballs from the past. This difference in ways of thinking is mesmerizing. I find it peculiar that someone-like my sister- who is so close to me, still feels, thinks and ticks very differently.

But all this story is just some weird thread of thought that my brain decided to follow. It is fascinating, how different people work. Yet my point in all of this is that I am not interested in science because it is science, or because my parents are scientists. Of course that is a factor that has made me close to it. However I love science for the things it tells us about, for explaining how objective things, such as a glass with water work. For a long time I had been closed up to other areas in life, dismissing them because they weren’t science. Nevertheless, these things that I was so quick to dismiss, such as anthropology, psychology and philosophy, are also telling me how things work. I want to know more about them, I am eager to know more, to learn more about how humanity works or how a single human works.

Nonetheless, after all this ranting I still don’t know what I want to do with my life. I sure want to know how things work. However that does not exactly narrow down a Major. Today I noticed that there is a part of me that wants to make stuff. I want to build useful things, things that will help people, that will help humanity. I want to invent things, make things. So yes, that “I want to make stuff” does in fact point towards engineering. Thus hurrah!!! I’ve partially realized what i want. As my dad says, I won’t decide until the time in which I have to decide comes. Therefore, even though I internally struggle about what I want to do in a future, I do not preoccupy. Because I am certain that when the time finally comes for my decision, I will know what to do.

In any case, I promise that I will do something fantastic,

Till the next time!

Camila ;)

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