PTA Reader (Platonic!Reader and PTA Sans) Part 11
Summary: In which PTA Flowey makes a return, Helen tries to outlaw puns during PTA meetings, and Linda spends half an hour arguing about how monster food is 'bad' for humans. Note: I wasn't expecting PTA Flowey to be so popular, but since he is, I'm putting him in an official chapter as well! The PTA Flowey ask/Bonus chapter can be found here.
You'd been quite surprised during the previous meeting when a talking flower had started telling Linda off, but once you'd gotten used to it, it had been rather amusing. So you were quite glad to see Sans carrying a flowerpot with a very familiar flower inside it as he entered the room for the PTA meeting that day. "Hey," you greeted them as Sans sat down in the chair next to yours, placing the flower pot on the table in front of him. "Heya," Sans replied. Flowey just nodded in your general direction. Which, for Flowey, was actually a pretty polite greeting to a stranger. Linda was much less pleased by Flowey's return. "I thought I told you never to bring that abomination to a meeting again!" Sans shrugged. "Hey, I don't see any rules about talking flowers." Flowey smirked. "I have just as much right to be here as anyone else." "You tried to kill me!" Linda stated. "You tried to move me without permission!" Flowey retorted. "You were disrupting the meeting!" "You're an arrogant, inconsiderate tyrant!" "What does that have to do with anything?" "Frisk told me I have to start being more 'honest' and 'open with my feelings' and all that so that's what I'm doing." "I WANT A RESTRAINING ORDER!" Everyone had just been watching the two argue back and forth, and at Linda's outburst, there was dead silence. "You want a restraining order... on a flower." Sans finally spoke up. "YES!" Linda replied. More silence followed, until Alicia eventually asked, "Is that even possible?" "It will be," Linda said ominously. She nodded at Helen and Betty, who went to stand in front of the classroom door, barring the way so no one could leave. "Nobody leaves until my lawyer gets here! You're all witnesses! The flower will not be allowed to enter these meetings!" she announced, before dialing a number on her cell phone. While you might once have been annoyed by a delay of the meeting like this, this was one of those situations that was so unexpected that you didn't even mind the wasted time because you were genuinely curious about what was going to happen. You doubted Linda was actually going to be able to talk her way into getting a restraining order on a flower, but knowing her, she was certainly going to try whatever ridiculous ideas popped into her mind during her attempts to do so. Which was what was going to make this entertaining enough to accept the fate of being basically imprisoned in a classroom while waiting for a lawyer, who probably wasn't even working at this hour, to show up. It was a testament to this fact that none of the other members of the PTA seemed to so much as consider the idea of trying to leave. They all sat in their chairs, calmly waiting, as Linda informed the lawyer that they needed to come to an elementary/middle school campus right away to settle a dispute between her and a talking flower. It took all of your willpower not to laugh when she told the lawyer that, and you were honestly surprised that the lawyer still agreed to come. While waiting for the lawyer to arrive, you would have expected Linda to start the meeting, even if it was just one of her usual rants about how much better this school's sports teams were than some random other school's sports teams. But no. She just stood there in silence, glaring at Flowey. Finally, Sans spoke up, "This sure is a lot of effort just to get someone to leaf you alone." You and a few others laughed a bit at the pun, only to be silenced by Linda's glare. "Now is not the time," Linda told him. "Or did you want me to get a restraining order on you as well?" Sans shrugged, "Are you saying I'm the root of the problem?" "That's enough, no puns!" Helen ordered from where she was standing by the door. You weren't sure why she was still standing at the door; it was clear no one was actually trying to leave. "Guess I'm barking up the wrong tree," Sans commented. Helen looked furious. "Stop it!" "Can't we create some kind of treety?" At this point, even Sans was finding it difficult to keep a straight face, and nearly everyone was laughing. "Puns are banned. No puns allowed during meetings." "I'm sure weed come to an agreement if-" "That's enough, if you say one more pun I'll..." Helen interrupted, only to trail off. "Or you'll what?" Flowey teased. "Don't forget, a lawyer's coming!" You completely lost it at that, burying your face in your hands to smother the noise of your laughing and shaking with laughter. Once you'd recovered, you saw that Helen was furious but didn't seem to have any kind of comeback so she was just fuming quietly. Finally, the lawyer showed up, and everyone gathered around the table. "Now, I know you mentioned on the phone something about a talking flower," the lawyer started. "I'm not saying this is some kind of joke, but if this were some kind of joke, I'd be very annoyed at coming all the way here for nothing." Linda was quick to assure the lawyer that it wasn't a joke, and pointed at Flowey. "That's it, that's the flower." Silence. "Uh, yes, that is a flower." The lawyer said eventually. "Now, why exactly am I here?" "I need a restraining order on the flower." Linda explained. The lawyer stared at her in disbelief for several seconds, as if expecting her to continue. When she didn't, they prompted, "Why?" "It's rude and keeps insulting me. Also it tried to kill me last week." The lawyer looked back at Flowey. More silence. Somehow, you were able to keep a straight face and not burst into laughter- for weeks afterwards, you would wonder how you had managed that. "I... see... Um, would you mind explaining how it tried to kill you?" "I reached out to move the pot and then it bit me." The lawyer seemed to be growing increasingly more confused, but still tried to remain professional. "Alright. Do you think you could get the flower to speak?" "Of course," Linda replied confidently, turning to Flowey. "Well? Aren't you going to tell your side of the story?" Nothing. You nearly burst into laughter, but again managed not to. Flowey was quite clever, you thought. It really didn't surprise you at all that he'd realized if he was silent, the lawyer would just think Linda was crazy. "Alright, what's going on here?" the lawyer asked, appearing to have run out of patience. "This flower is trying to make a fool out of me!" Linda replied angrily, glaring at Flowey. "Speak up already!" Flowey remained silent still. You had a feeling he was enjoying this. "Look, I am a very busy individual," the lawyer began, clearly irritated. "If there is is a reason you had to call me here, please tell me what it is." "I'm telling you, the flower can talk!" Linda cried, gesturing towards Flowey as if that would magically force him to speak. Still, nothing. The lawyer sighed. "Clearly." they said, almost sarcastically. "I don't know what's going on here, and I'm not sure I want to know what's going on here. But I do know that so far, this has been a waste of time, so unless there is more to this than a talking flower, I'm going to have to leave now." "I need a restraining order!" Linda demanded. "I can't give you a restraining order for a flower." the lawyer replied. "Why not?" "...Because it's a flower?" the lawyer said. "Restraining orders require a lot of paperwork. No one's going to go through all that effort because of a flower." "Don't let it trick you! It's vicious!" The lawyer glanced at Flowey. Then back at Linda. After repeating this motion a few times, the lawyer sighed again. "You aren't going to let me leave until I agree to give you a restraining order, are you?" "Nope," Linda replied. "Very well," the lawyer took out a piece of paper and a pen, then proceeded to write 'Restraining order for Linda against Talking Flower.' "Thank you," Linda said, with a smug look in Flowey's direction. "No problem..." the lawyer said, before leaving the room as quickly as possible without making it look like they were trying to hurry. Less than a minute later, the sound of a car taking off down the street at what was probably several miles per hour above the speed limit could be heard. Linda triumphantly held up the 'restraining order' and told Sans to take Flowey out of the meeting immediately. "You know that will never hold up in court, right?" Sans asked. "Of course it will! It's a restraining order!" Linda argued. "Let's just start the meeting," suggested Alicia. "Fine," Linda agreed, looking a bit annoyed. "For our first order of business, there is the matter of school lunches. We're looking into some new, healthier options so if anyone has any suggestions, feel free to mention them now." There was silence for a minute or so. "Anyone?" "Well," Sans spoke up, "Muffet's been working on some new lunch items to serve at her bakery-" "No. No monster food." Linda said, not even giving him a chance to finish. "First of all, we need healthy food to serve the children." "It is healthy," Sans replied. "Muffet uses only the best ingredients in the food she prepares." Linda scoffed. "As if you monsters know what is healthy for humans to consume." "Actually, Muffet has researched that extensively-" "I bet she doesn't even know what 'gluten-free' means," Linda continued. "There isn't even any gluten in monster food!" Flowey finally spoke. You'd been beginning to wonder when he was going to start talking again. "Oh now you decide to talk. What happened when the lawyer was here, huh? Did the cat get your tongue?" Linda scowled. "Something like that," Flowey laughed. "Ha, ha, very funny. How typical of you monsters." "Well, what was I supposed to do? talk to the lawyer or something?" "Yes!" "No thanks," Flowey replied. "The course of action I chose was soooo much more interesting.” Linda glared. "Anyway," she finally continued, changing the subject back to school lunches. "We won't be serving monster food. It would be bad for the children's health." "Monster food is almost entirely composed of magic. There literally isn't anything unhealthy in it!" Sans said. "Well then, how do you know magic isn't unhealthy for humans to eat?" Linda argued. "For one thing, Muffet runs a very successful bakery that many humans have eaten at and none of them ever got sick because of it." "Children and adults are very different, it could still make the children sick." "Children have eaten at the bakery, and they were fine. Not to mention Frisk, who ate pretty much only monster food while they were in the underground, simply because that's all we had. They were completely fine as well. And don't forget the bake sale, none of the kids got sick after eating the spider doughnuts." "You know you could have just said that last part and still gotten your point across, right?" Flowey commented. "Or the first one. Or-" Sans sighed. "Whose side are you on exactly?" "Sorry. Force of habit." Flowey replied. Linda was pulling at her hair. "Fine! Okay! It might not make them sick! But there are still far healthier options we could go with so we still aren't going to serve monster food." "Why don't we just get an ingredients list for two different meals, one prepared by Muffet and the other being whichever meal you're suggesting instead and compare them to see which is actually healthier?" You suggested. Linda glared at you and then started ranting about how human food was obviously healthier than monster food. Not that there seemed to be any actual scientific basis to her claims, but it was probably just better to wait until she was done ranting to point that out. Eventually, she simply changed the topic to something else, not leaving any opportunity for argument, but by this point it was clear she wouldn't change her mind regardless of how much evidence was presented, so arguing was probably useless anyway. After the meeting ended, though, Flowey got revenge by shouting, "Linda's lemon squares aren't as healthy as monster food," as Sans carried the flower pot out of the classroom. Based on Linda's screeching, Flowey seemed to have figured out her weakness... Her precious lemon squares.