#ptry

[peterbenjaminparker]

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

[betterthanfive]

[peterbenjaminparker]

Jeanette Winterson, Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?

[betterthanfive]

they said that i could go so far, but i’ll bet you a thousand fold i could go even further if i could just do as i’m told. but i can’t so i’ll sit on the margins waiting for you to barge in grab me by my crumbling shoulders, shake me until this feeling of cold, cold, colder escapes my lungs until my intestines defrost until my head kicks back into motion and you can collect all the lovely words lost because of this state i put myself in. i pressed pause and i muted the plinking noise that is making my blood diluted the same one i craved (and still do) but it’s making me feel naked i am fucking exposed for no one to see yet im so depraved of touch that i despise and lies i tell for the sake of fun times. i am not dipped in vanilla extract not the lemonade, homemade you sipped in december when you wanted to pretend it was august. take a sip of me and your stomach will hiss with disgust and revolt and i’ll bet you a thousand fold you will spit me out.

alberi dei limoni

[halogen2]

trying to return to reading a little bit of poetry every day, so today’s mary oliver poem is “winter” (1991-1992) from her new & selected poems vol 1

[mistyflor]

This year I told myself that I will make peace with my past I try it but

I couldn’t even made the first step

This year I told myself that I would make peace with my past I try it but

In the try I lost her

This year I told myself that I would make peace with my past but

Its December and I still cant talk with no one about it

This year I told myself that I would make peace with my past but

When I try my throat hurts and my minds screams NO. My body hurts everything hurts when I try and I cant deal with this pain.

This pain will be here, forever evermore.

[just-to-sleep-at-night]

It hurts so much, I’m so tired of this. I can’t fucking exist like this any longer, do you even know how exhausted I am? Every day I wake up and my body and mind betray me, why was I born to be in pain? I’ve stopped performing pain out of convenience and now people accuse me of faking it, god I wish I was. I wish I was healthy, I’d do fucking anything to be healthy, I’m so tired

[just-to-sleep-at-night]

It's bad again, the constant agonizing pressure building between my ribs that makes my lungs feel like they're going to explode with every inhale is back. I cannot take a full breath without wondering if this is the one that finally pushes too far and snaps something out of place. Memories of the last time it was this bad flood my head, the vivid image of my frail and broken body curled up on the bathroom tiles letting out shallow sobs and begging for some omnipotent force to just fucking kill me already appears in my mind. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take, how many more times I can repeat this process, I am not strong enough.