January 14th, 2016
Because I wasn't told I could like women
"Like that."
Because growing up I was shown one option
And that was happy ever after with
A husband and
A dog and
A fish tank and
Three kids and
A picket fence.
Because I was 20 when I first realized
Not all girls look at women the way I did.
Because they taught me we all compare our bodies,
That doesn't mean you want to touch hers.
No.
"That's gross."
Because 50+ people died and we still won't
Say what it is: homophobia.
Hate.
Disgust.
Because I'm lucky I didn't come out in high school
Where my fellow lgbtq members were ridiculed and bullied.
Beaten and tormented.
Pushed back into the closet
Or into a grave.
Because I'm lucky I'm not a gay man or transgender person.
Because lesbians are fetishes which means I'm
Socially "acceptable."
Easier to swallow.
Easier to digest
As you fantasize about us
But don't want us having basic human rights.
Protection in the workplace.
Adoptions. Families. Safety.
Because this is our lives.
For your safety, right?
Because I have to come out daily,
And pause first to assess if it's safe.
Debate in .382 seconds with myself if
I should say partner, spouse, or husband.
Debate if I say husband will you be frustrated
That I look like I have a wife?
Because I am a lesbian. With a husband.
Will you be disgusted when you find out my
Husband has a vagina?
Because I panic when asked.
Because I feel unsafe in public when mothers
Look at me disgusted and shield their children
From the sharp edges that make up all I am.
Because I still feel guilty when you look at me
Disapproving.
Disappointed.
Because pride is the only time and place I am
Allowed to be me.
Safe to be me.
But not safe to exist.
Because you can be shot at a gay club and
They call it terrorism.
Because people like me have to fight for the things
People like them are born having.
Representation.
Safety.
Comfort.
Legal protection.
Walking down the street without being anxious
That some ignorant man with a weapon will kill you
Because you don't blend in.
Because growing up I was shown one option
And it took me 20 years before realizing
There are others.
Because coming out still isn't safe.
Because we never feel safe.
Because existing is a battle.
I stand up and speak out
Because some of them never
Had the chance.
