#pumpypersonal

[mysti6]

I know I love him because my mornings are different when he's here

When I'm alone I'll begrudgingly wake up at 2 pm and immediately reach for my phone

Spend an hour updating myself on the world before I can even think about getting out of bed.

Some days I won't. I'll lie there for hours staring at a wall or a screen not really seeing anything.

If I do get up I'll down some coffee and power smoke a cigarette while complaining how much every morning is Armageddon in my house.

But when hes home I wake in golden morning light. I've never been a morning bird but he looks the most beautiful while still peacefully asleep.

Then I'll cuddle into him a little longer, trace the lines of his face and watch as his mouth curls into subtle shapes

Then I'll get up, wrap myself in his fuzzy robe and make us both coffee. He can't start a day without it.

Then we will talk and laugh over a cup for an hour if we can. His bed head is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

Mornings with him make me a morning person. And that's how I know I love him

[mysti6]

Facebook quotes and self help book reading socialites tell me that it's ok to lose friends.

That it's part of growing up

And that sounds great, a revolving door of friends with fresh perspectives on life and healthy lessons to teach you

Ya that would be great except making new ones is so damn hard when you are a snail who prefers to hide silently in her hand painted shell

It's quite nice in here. Burgundy painted walls littered with picture frames and potted plants to keep me company

But there's not exactly room for two.. or three or four or however man constitute as a social event because I'm not sure anymore.

When I reach out of my shell, try to have some semblance of a normal human interaction, it feels as alien as it would if I were trying to learn German from a dog.

But my people, the ones I thought could squeeze themselves into my shell forever, have now grown too large for this small town.. or simply bored of me.

They all say the same "keep in touch" "I won't forget you" but how am I to keep a relationship going from afar when I can't speak to those sitting directly in front of me wothout the fear I will lose my lunch

When you can't text someone first, when you make plans only to feel the overwhelming dread of leaving your room drown you until you make up an excuse on why you can't, it makes you easy to forget.

One day I'll be the girl they'll see in yearbooks and old instagram posts and have to think hard to remember my name. Then they'll pick up their coffee and continue with their day.

[mysti6]

Am I?

[mysti6]

Write me into a song Bend my bones to make the clefs Rip word from my mouth and shape them into lyrics Make my mind your art Use my skin as sheet paper Blood red ink Each note torture Pain True art

[mysti6]

One Year

One year out and i still feel like hell. I still cry at night sometimes and fall into restless nightmares staring your face. I still breath in toxic fumes to keep thoughts of you at bay. But i got out of bed this morning and thought of the day ahead instead of you, i got ready and smiled at my reflection, i drank a cup of tea and only had one cigarette. Last week i had a chance to see you but i chose instead to be with him. I know im getting better