You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: (Punk!Merlin, clueless 'straight' Arthur, top!Merlin) Explain something to me. AP
You: Sure, babe. What's up? -ME
Stranger: See, you calling me that. It needs to change, people think we're a couple. AP
Stranger: But that's not the point. AP
You: Ah, don't let it bug you. People's opinions don't matter. -ME
And if that's not the point, what is? -ME
Stranger: Can you tell if people are gay just from looking at them? AP
You: Not always. Sometimes. Reckon you're not as straight as you'd like to think. -ME
Stranger: What? No, you're wrong about that. AP
You: Sure thing, babe. Keep saying it ;) -ME
Stranger: Stop that. I'm not gay, and I'm not your babe. AP
You: Never said you were gay. There're other possibilities, darlin'. -ME
Stranger: You're a dick. I'm not your "darlin" either. And I'm /straight/. AP
Stranger: What makes you think I'm not? AP
You: Easy. You put a lot of effort into how you look, but a lot of guys do that. Not an obvious tell. You look sometimes, but stop when you catch yourself. And I can keep the pet names coming, sweetheart. Doesn't do any good to argue. -ME
Stranger: [delayed] Your pet names are annoying. And I don't know what you mean by me looking. I don't look. There's nothing to look at. AP
You: Course not, Love. Just keep deluding yourself. -ME
Stranger: That one. Don't call me that one either. And it's not a /delusion/, I think I would know. AP
You: You don't like Love, how about Dear? I can keep going. And that's the point of a delusion, darling. -ME
Stranger: Darling. You've called me darling twice now, you're running out. And it's /my/ brain, Merlin. I think I would know better than you. AP
You: I was hoping to save you the worst ones. But I can keep going, honeybunches. -ME
And I think we're getting to the point where I know you better than you do. Outside perspective, sweet cheeks. -ME
Stranger: [delayed] I liked darling better. And screw your outside perspective. AP
You: Thought so. And that's not a very compelling argument. -ME
Stranger: As if I could convince you of anything. AP
You: Never, darling. But you love that about me. -ME
Stranger: Love? Not likely. AP
Stranger: What, now you have some theory about how I like you more than as a friend? AP
You: Ha. Nah, that's something you gotta figure out for yourself, darling. -ME
Stranger: So you don't. AP
You: (Said yu were still typing.)
Stranger: (Oh, sorry. No.)
You: Nope. But theories imply I'm not dead certain ;) -ME
Stranger: What? You can't be dead certain when you're wrong. AP
Stranger: Tell me why and I'll disprove you. AP
You: Ha. Well you stare. Like, a lot. Constantly. Until you realize I've caught you. And you do that adorable thing with your tongue, same as you used to do looking at Gwen in middle school. And seriously, though, the number of times I've caught you having a staring contest with my arse. It's adorable. -ME
Stranger: [delayed] Well at the very least, I'm not adorable. AP
You: Ha. No arguments though? And you really are kind of adorable, all in denial and everything. -ME
Stranger: No argument because there's no point in arguing with you. And I'm not in denial. AP
You: Suuure, darlin. Whatever helps you sleep at night. But you can't tell me you don't want a piece of me. -ME
Stranger: *I most certainly can tell you that. AP
Stranger: What did you mean by the thing I do with my tongue? AP
You: The adorable thing where you sort of flick it across your lips while you stare at me like I'm a piece of meat. -ME
Stranger: [long delay] I see. Well. AP
Stranger: Talking to you was clearly pointless. AP
Stranger: Even if I do look at you like that, it doesn't mean anything. AP
You: Deniiiiaaaaaaaaaal -ME
You: You're adorable, though, really. You'll have to admit it to yourself sooner or later. -ME
You: I'm irresistible. -ME
Stranger: To gay guys. I can see how you would be irresistible to gay guys. AP
Stranger: But not straight men. AP
You: How about bisexual dorks? -ME
Stranger: Don't know any of those. AP
You: No? I do. He's adorable, fluffy blond hair. He's a big, handsome lad, not too bright but kind. Seen him around anywhere? -ME
Stranger: Sorry, no. Don't know anyone like that. AP
Stranger: But my hair isn't fluffy. And I'm inteligent. AP
You: It's very fluffy. And normally I'd agree, but you're so deep in the closet I think you found Narnia. -ME
Stranger: Oh please. You only used that analogy for a Narnia reference. AP
You: Well. yes. But only because I thought it would appeal to your dorky nature. -ME
Stranger: I'm not a dork. Just because I wear button downs and I don't shop frequently at Hot Topic doesn't make me a dork. AP
You: Nothing wrong with being a dork, darlin. It's cute. -ME
Stranger: You know what, what's wrong with looking at blokes every now and then? You don't have to be bi for that. AP
You: Nothing wrong with being bi, either, darlin. -ME