I wrote this short stuff on a whim because I've been listening to Sufjan Stevens' album, Carrie & Lowell.
The album talks about Sufjan's own journey to understanding his grief towards his late mother, Carrie, who died from cancer. The first song, Death with Dignity, is actually about Sufjan finally accepting her loss and I like to wonder how Ruka's death affected Kyoujurou in a similar way.
Spirit of my silence, I can hear you
But I’m afraid to be near you
And I don’t know where to begin
This very strong and diligent boy can't even cry and doesn't have time to settle for a bit. Silence is a time of reflection and I feel Kyoujurou must have a lot of struggle with it. He is constantly trying to be better and is continually perfecting his Flame Breathing techniques, he has no time to mull or ruminate despite being so wise for his age. He was so wise even Tanjirou carried his words and actions when he started to doubt himself.
"...you may feel like digging your heels in, but the flow of time waits for no one. It won't patiently stand by as you grieve."
At the same time, demon activity doesn't stop waiting for him to grieve either. He has also been reminded of the times he lost a comrade while demon slaying.
"Death comes after the friends you shared a laugh with."
Somewhere in the desert, there’s a forest
And an acre before us
This verse reminded me of Kyoujurou's spiritual realm. A barren wasteland filled with nothing but heat and smoke. But during his last time, the smile he gave when seeing his mother reflected the hidden acre or forest filled with peacefulness. Despite everything he experienced in his life including his mother's death, there's still a silver lining to it and he's forever a grateful and accepting guy.
Well, I suppose a friend is a friend
And we all know how this will end
Unlike Sufjan, we don't know how Ruka died, just that she had been very weak. But cancer was known to be an Old man's friend and it reminded me of how Ruka had accepted her death long before she passed. It hurts her just as much to leave but neither of them could do anything about it and they both knew how it would end.
What is that song you sing for the dead?
I see the signal searchlight strike me in the window of my room
Well, I got nothing to prove
Kyoujurou's lack of "change" towards Ruka's death was him knowing that whatever song he would sing to the dead, wouldn't bring his mother back.
In my fic, I wrote about how Kyoujurou was slowly becoming very ambitious toward his goal, esp since despite everything it is still difficult to reach the top and it made him slightly agitated.
After all, that was also his mother's legacy. But as he calmed and came back to his senses he realized that it was fine to become a Hashira at his own pace. It was because his mom already believed in and he truly didn't have anything to "prove".
I forgive you, mother, I can hear you (I can hear you)
And I long to be near you (And I long to be near you)
But every road leads to an end
Yes, every road leads to an end
Sufjan had only seen his mother three summers in Oregon. After that, he barely interacted with her until she passed due to cancer. There are other songs in the album that referenced this, like in Should Have Known Better, he said
I should have wrote a letter
And grieve what I happen to grieve
That he regretted not telling his mom who was always away from him, how he truly feel. I can see how it relates to Kyoujurou who also barely had time to interact with Ruka as she died when he and Senjurou were at a very young age.
Your apparition passes through me in the willows
My fic told about how he still longed to be with her. The flower corner that I referred to, the sweet-smelling altar, was his mother's last trace and I actually used the word "apparition" in the fic because of that song and personify the flower corner to give that ghostlike image.
ap·pa·ri·tion (noun) a ghost or ghostlike image of a person
.
There are also other songs in the album that can apply to the Rengokus' in general. This family is just riddled with grief.
We're all gonna die
was the verse that kept being repeated in the song Fourth of July and really emphasize the despair and anguish.
The evil it spread like a fever ahead
It was night when you died, my firefly
What could I have said to raise you from the dead?
Oh could I be the sky on the Fourth of July?
The song Fourth of July feels like a back-and-forth conversation between Shinjurou to Ruka, Ruka to Kyoujurou, and Shinjurou or Senjurou to Kyoujurou. Both Ruka and Kyoujurou fought their own battles and died in the end. But at the same time from this next part, we could see how these deaths matter to the family.
Did you get enough love, my little dove
Why do you cry?
And I'm sorry I left, but it was for the best
Though it never felt right
My little Versailles
This part also feels like what Ruka would say to her boys but at the same time, it could be said by Kyoujurou to Senjurou and Shinjurou who finally sober up after Kyoujurou died, and the fact that it became a catalyst to Tanjirou's personal development.
The hospital asked should the body be cast
Before I say goodbye, my star in the sky
Such a funny thought to wrap you up in cloth
Do you find it all right, my dragonfly?
This is Shinjurou to Ruka or Kyoujurou. I feel so bad for Shinjurou because even before Ruka's death he had been feeling inadequate about his own ability as a Flame Hashira. His comrades die during battle and this battle that went on for centuries seemed to be never-ending. I feel even if he did get Ruka's warning that she was about to die, he would never be ready. He could never say goodbye until it was too late.
Shall we look at the moon, my little loon
Why do you cry?
Make the most of your life, while it is rife
While it is light
This reminded me of Kyoujurou's last message to Shinjurou and Senjurou,
"Please take care of your body."
It is such a simple message but knowing their story, it holds so much weight. Shinjurou has been struggling with alcoholism and despite what he said, "He's only going to blame me for it!" Kyoujurou still only wished for his father's health.
You could also see the resemblance between the characters' traits. All the animals mentioned were of flight. They symbolize freedom and soaring dreams. The Rengokus had passed down the legacy of being the only Flame Hashira and it is such a huge responsibility. At the same time, there's the privilege of being in a wealthy and prodigy family, thus the flying references.
It is very fitting for Ruka to call Kyoujurou her little Versailles as he has an abundance of potential and knowledge and he's in a way a living embodiment of the Rengoku Family history.
A littl bonus:
The verse, "Shall we look at the moon, my little loon?" is so intriguing to me as aside from keeping the rhyme and bird/flight animal motif, a loon can also mean a crazy person.
Which reminded me of the story of Icarus. I don't think Sufjan was making an ironic nudge to that story. Despite the whole sun vs moon thing (Icarus flew too close to the sun and died) and the flying reference.
(Imagine telling Icarus to look at the moon as it will not melt his wings like the sun did looool)
The story of Icarus is known to be about hubris or "excessive pride" but at the same time, I feel it's kinda bleak. You can't really blame Icarus for wanting to escape such a hellish place, and it cost him his death as he heeds no warning from his father.
In a way, Shinjurou's discouragement serves as a warning for Kyoujurou to stop demon slaying. But at the same time, he gave no good reason for Kyoujurou to do so. Though I don't think Kyoujurou fears being his father if he ever stops demon slaying. He also never once pushes Senjurou to do better and lets him decide his future for himself instead of demanding that Senjurou become his tsuguko. But I do think that Kyoujurou knew deep down he was their last resort.
In fact, Kyoujurou was adamant that the only way to bring his father back to life was for him to become a Hashira. Yet it cost him his life.
But is it foolish to be confident that you can fly high enough you can still survive without melting your wings? Is it lunatic to think that you're your family's last hope?
Kyoujurou's death is a butterfly effect.
Sooo yeah, I recommend listening to these songs or the album, and happy Purgatory Countdown.