#putrid lullabies

[mutilamb]

i want to be your plastic angel

mold me, twist me, break my spine

pick at my wings when you're angry

every little feather is a sin i won't cry

cherry stains cover the mattress

mold blossoms on the underside

my hair is rotting on the floor

all my dreams have turned to dust

christ gazes at me upside down from the wall

and mary cries tears of cum

a piss and copper perfumed heaven

made of putrid lullabies

please, lord, i beg you

tighten the rosary past my head

i wanna hang there just like you

not by my wrists, but by my neck

[nihilamb]

parasyte

i starve myself cause home's not safe i've been walking in circles a long, long way i don't wanna come back i'm not safe

i've been feeding the demons the parts of your soul you gave to my heart i am making you rot like a brain parasyte

i'm always looking for a new place to go leaving dark and empty each one i step on

don't let me in

home's not safe when i'm around

[nihilamb]

sweet little doll with your big, big head and your fragile limbs made of tender bones your eyes look like porcelain your lips are chapped like autumn leaves they'll crack and bleed if you try to speak so you remain silent muted little heart you're so afraid of making a sound because you know it may be your last

[nihilamb]

slit my wrists and slit my heart you thought you knew but i couldnt take it anymore woke up in the hospital bed went back home like i didnt almost kill myself and you thought it was okay you sent a couple weeks with my aunt you said, you'll come back and you'll be fine but i think your heart knew that i wouldn't ever come weeks passed and months passed and it's been almost three years since the last chance i gave you to hug me tight and i cry i cry because nothing gets better three years running away from the dark without realizing it lives deep in my heart

[nihilamb]

all i wanna feel is the tall grass caressing my thighs like your hands when we first met sitting on your daddy's car waiting to arrive to the home i thought would save my life

but now i cannot escape i am a bird in a cage waiting for the day i break these chains and leave to only be found on the back of milk cartons

[mutilamb]

mold

trapped in these moldy walls been here for too long way too long but days pass like weeks and weeks pass like days it feels like it was yesterday i came but today i'm just rotting everything i touch is broken i smell like weeks old meat in the trashcan mosquitoes drink the blood i haven't already poured myself always had this thought, "if god exists, he sure hates me" praying for forgiveness when things were too tough will these crosses make you love me like they say you do?

[mutilamb]

fawn

i've always loved playing boy stuff with the boys

so i am the only cake

and they all prey on me

and i feel special

they're hungry for me

they haven't eaten in years

i can feel their jaws drooling on my neck and my thighs

and they will rip me apart

until there's nothing left but blood

but i feel loved

cause how else could someone want me ?

[mutilamb]

soft-boiled egg

and if i shave all of my hair

will you love me still

even if i look as ugly as i truly am

cause i am ugly

i know you know that

i am not cute like the girls you used to date

i'm a soft-boiled egg with a babyface

and i am both hard and soft at the same time

i'm gonna get all spoiled

in the sun while i see you go

the summer heat always makes me feel dirty and rotten

when you wake up i'll be gone