cont. @pxratxse.)
Scared is an understatement. It feels as if his entire being is being torn apart; his brain is buzzing, a constant wild vibration humming through his eardrums making his stomach roll. It's been ongoing since he awoke hours ago, an endless loop. Nothing quite makes sense, and the more he tries to focus, the more nauseating the world becomes. Everything skews to an angle, only righting itself by the hands suddenly forcing him upright. When had he fallen..?
"Ivan..." It's all hazy; like clawing his way through to the surface after being buried below. A part of him knows what this is, what's happening to him, why it keeps happening to him. He knows the only way beyond this is through, but it's so hard. Didn't they suffer enough? Hadn't Urak done enough damage to him? How was it without even being here that fucking piece of shit was still fucking him over?
"Yeah..." Till half slurs, sinking into the arms. The warmth only serves to make him aware of how damp his clothes are; the sweats setting in. He knows it's going to be another few hours of cycling before his body gives out and finally lets him sleep again. But this is what freedom is. It's ridding his body of the poison they spent a lifetime pumping him full of, sweating out every sickness they made his body endure. One day, he'll be through with all of it, and every part of him will be just his, and he'll be able to do whatever he wants with himself. Freedom to live, freedom to die. Freedom to...
And he's pushing back, albeit weakly, bullying Ivan onto his back to climb on top of him, just enough to shove trembling, icy palms up his shirt. The bullet wounds are fresh scars now. His thumb digs into the one on Ivan's stomach, right around where it just missed a kidney. It probably still hurts a little, but that's the point. He nudges his face into Ivan's shoulder, forcing skin to skin enough for his cheek to ache, before mumbling, "Head just... is buzzing. Do somethin' 'bout it, already."