💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with?
🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?
🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?
💥 COLLISON - what emotions do they have trouble dealing with? 🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?
Shame, mostly. He's a very prideful person, very confident in what he does. Which means when he fails, in trivial matters or in serious danger, he has difficulty getting over it. He deflects, overexplains stupid mistakes.
He- gets better- at dealing with failure and shame of being taken advantage of as the story goes on. But when he's younger and fresh off the boat, he doesnt talk about it, just pushes it down. He eventually opens up to Julian specifically, but even then he doesn't tell him everything. After escaping the MP torture dungeon, he talks to Julian more readily, and I don't think he would hold much back at this point, but he wouldn't want anyone else to know any details.
By the time he's in prison and with Alex, there's significant time passed. He still absolutely hates it, but he decides to prioritize physical safety over pride, especially if his pride is being stripped anyway. This way he can say he's at least Choosing this. During this time, the scars and brands would be on full display. Even if he was left alone, you aren't hiding anything in the showers, and when you have a number burned right above a series of whip scars people notice. Cops take notes, possibly pictures to put under 'identifiable marks'. Pictures that are put on the news when he breaks parole, for the whole world to see. And he can't deal with people Knowing, even if they don't really know the story. How he was stupid and trusted someone he shouldn't have. How he took torture to protect people that he now sees as turning their backs on him.
AND there's the cop who embarrassed him in front of his coworkers because he accidentally broke parole, so he showed up at his hard-to-find-with-a-criminal-record job to arrest/berate him about it- triggering the 'even when I try to follow the rules its not good enough' revenge arc. (Oh yeah and he's disabled in a time when that isn't given lots of grace. *Shrek meme* He's not even a war veteran)
When he returns to paradis, he still has trust issues and goes back to bottling everything up, now with a side of not letting anyone see him with his shirt off. He still stews over how just because he won't be exposed now doesn't erase that everyone back there has seen him, seen him humiliated by Alex, seen his scars. He ends up marking himself up further, because if he can't erase his scars then he can add to them in the way of his choosing. Because these new ones are intentional, not mistakes. Which causes an Issue when Julian sees him without his shirt on for the first time since he's come back and is worried which sets Kevin off-
Then of course with the final round of torture, resulting in almost total communication loss for a bit, its back to bottling things back up completely (though not by his choice). There's the added shame of again, Letting This Happen To Him, of his comrades finding him because he couldn't escape this one on his own, and those previous scars being seen by everyone(though generally unnoticed under yknow. The blood. But there is the worry that Quinn will put it in his report, which would be unnecessary and would hurt him to know that the world is once again updated on his physical and mental condition)
There's also at this point the shame of yelling at and calling his comrades traitors and what he did to lash out when he believed that, when he is now clear enough to know that was never true.
All of this is so so hard for him to get over. He can push it down only for so long.
🌈 RAINBOW - what advice would they give to their younger self?
Don't make friends with cops they'll always stab you in the back, even if you think they're on your side.
If you're in a good place, stay there.