Apricity (Qimir x Lover reader)
Ratings: Angst | Slight fluff | Mentions of nudity | He doesn’t realize what he has until it’s gone
Summary: Qimir chooses his padawan over you, going back on his promise and leaving you with one choice… To leave.
For the longest time, it has always been you and him. The two of you against the entire galaxy, searching for a place to belong. Long nights spent tangled up in sheets and days spent traveling the galaxy. It felt nice not to feel so lonely anymore, to belong to someone and have a purpose.
Until he wanted more.
“You want a pupil?” You sat up in bed, the cool air circling from the cave entrance caressing your skin.
He sat up as well, his hand circling around your waist as he pulled you closer to him, “I want to pass my knowledge onto someone else…” His thumb brushed against your side, “I want an acolyte.” He leaned in to press kisses on your neck.
“Then why not just get me pregnant?”
He grinned, breathing a content chuckle against your skin, “You would like that wouldn’t you?”
“I wouldn’t mind it.” The thought of a child, a mix of both you and Qimir, running around excited you.
He pulled back to look you in the eyes, “I promise, once my work is done and I have an acolyte to carry out my will. You and I can finally live without constantly hiding and we can have all the children we could want.”
“Promise?”
“Promise my flower.”
That was two years ago before he found… Mae. You believed in his words, kept his identity a secret, and stood by faithfully as he spent all of his time training her.
He said that he didn’t want to risk your life, that was why your love would remain a secret. You could understand his reasoning and you complied as you always did.
Sometimes he would leave you on the unknown planet you both made your home…
You decided long ago to call the planet Apricty because no matter how cold it felt, your love kept it warm. But that warmth slowly began to fade with each passing month he spent away from you. It was always the same line.
“I thought that maybe we could take a tripe to Naboo?”
“I can’t my flower, but I promise soon.”
“Today is our anniversary. I wanted to make something special for us for dinner. When will you be home?”
“I can’t my flower, but I promise soon we will celebrate.”
“Can I come with you this time? I feel…” alone…
“I can’t take you with me my flower, but I promise soon.”
You spent most of your time walking along the beach, collecting shells and taking in the scenery of the waves crashing against the rocks. Today was no different as you sat on the edge of the beach, dipping your toes into the freezing water.
You were bored and lonely and you just, “I miss him.” You admitted quietly to no one. You’ve found yourself talking to the force lately. You weren’t like Qimir, you had no strong connection and you couldn’t wield the force, but you felt close to it as the force reminded you of Qi.
“I miss waking up to him humming as he cooked breakfast… I miss his jokes and that lopsided grin of his… I miss cooking dinner for him and running my hands through his hair… I miss our adventures… I… I miss…” You didn’t realize you were crying until you felt tear drops hit your hands, “I miss him.” You sobbed.
You were concerned and you were scared for him that his ambitions would take him to where you couldn’t follow.
You were cutting potatoes to put in a stew, humming a song that Qimir used to sing to you. It gave you some sense of humanity staying here alone for the past couple of months. Your tears had long since dried from earlier today and your only plan was to eat dinner and go to bed.
“Your voice is just as beautiful as I remember my flower.” You heard him speak behind you and you froze wondering if you were imagining him again.
“Qi…” You whispered his name as you turned to find him standing there, a small smile on his face.
Your eyes tear up as you stood and rushed towards him. He engulfed you in his arms and you felt like you could finally breathe again.
“It’s been so long.” You cried into his shirt.
“I know, I’m sorry my flower.” He whispered into your hair as he caressed your body.
You pulled back to look him over, “Are you alright? Are you hurt?” You notice the tired look on his face, “What happened?”
“Jedi.” He muttered as he pressed his forehead against yours, “I took care of them.”
You breathed in his scent as closed your eyes… You were happy that he was back and you once again felt safe in his arms… That is until you heard a noise emanating from your room.
“What was that?” You wondered as you pulled away from him.
“My flower, there’s something I need to tell you about.” He said.
There was nothing in his expression that would allow anyone to know what he was thinking… But you weren’t just anyone.
“What is it?” A frown crossed your lips as you could see the guilt in his eyes.
“I brought Osha here.” He muttered knowing he could not lie to you.
“Osha?” Your brows furrowed, “Your acolyte’s sister? Why?”
“Mae betrayed me. I believe Osha is the acolyte I need.”
You pushed him away, your joy of him returning morphing into frustration, “You brought her here?”
“I had no other choice.” He pressed.
“You always have a choice.” You turned away from him. It was ironic how now you wanted space from him.
He took a step towards you wrapping his arms around your waist, “She was hurt, please. I wouldn’t have brought her here if I didn’t have a choice.”
You sighed and closed your eyes, “Alright.” You whispered quietly.
He turned you around and pressed a kiss to your lips, “Thank you my flower. You have always supported me and I love you for that.”
“Of course.” You brushed your nose against his, “I love you.”
You spent your evening tending to the girl’s wound, something you never dreamed of doing, but here you are. You were happy though that at least Qimir was back and hopefully now you can go with him places.
Or so you thought.
You both stood outside of the cave as he told you, “For my plan to work, you can’t tell her that we are together.”
“What do you mean?” You questioned him, “What does our love have anything to do with her as your new acolyte?”
“She needs to see that to truly be powerful she cannot have any attachment to her old life.” He explained, “Trust me on this, please.” He asked once again.
“Who…” You frowned softly, a sad look in your gaze, “Who would you have me be?”
“You’ll be my smuggler, just for a little while.” He placed his hands on your arms, “I swear that it won’t be for long. Just until she accepts who she is.”
“Okay…” You whispered unsure.
Why do you always say yes to him? Why can’t you just tell him that this hurts you more than slicing your own skin? Then being left alone. It felt as if he didn’t want to belong to you anymore…
“Who are you?” Osha asked behind you from where you were making lunch.
“No one important.” You spoke softly, “How is your wound?”
“It’s… Better… Thank you.” She spoke unsure.
“I did what I could with what I had.” You motioned to a bag, “There are some clothes and things for you in there. They are mine, but I’m sure they’ll fit.”
I could hear her make her way over to the bag and open it to inspect the items, “Why are you helping me?” She wondered.
“Because he asked.” You stated as you added more vegetables to the curry, “And because I’m not a bad person.”
You heard her pick up the bag and carry it to the back room to change.
“Qi is outside.” You told her, “I’ll come fetch you both for lunch when it’s ready.”
You hoped that you didn’t seem too mean or awkward as you brushed off your pants. At least the curry turned out good. You thought as you slipped on your shoes and one of Qimir’s coat that you stole. His scent was still there but faded from how many times you’ve worn it while he was away.
“You are not going to give that back are you?” He chuckled.
“You are leaving me for months. The least you can do is leave me this. I may forget you after all.” You teased though you were silently hurting, you didn’t let him know.
He pulled you in for a deep kiss, “I won’t be gone long. Once I find an acolyte everything will be perfect.”
But everything was perfect… At least to you.
You hummed softly as you left the cave, some seeds in your pocket to feed the cute little creatures that live alongside you. The walk felt nice as you finally had somewhere to go to without mindlessly wandering around until your feet felt numb. You wondered if Qi would like to go see the small garden you had been meticulously been cultivating since he left. It wasn’t perfect, but it was yours.
Besides you always told him you wanted a garden and now you have one that you made all on your own.
“A garden hm?” He smiled softly down at you.
“Yes! I would like a big one with the most beautiful and exotic fruits, vegetables, and flowers that we have ever seen!” You explained happily to him as he spun you around in your little home, “Then I can make us the most delicious meals.”
“I see, I guess I will have to get started on building you one then.” He smiled.
He never did build you that garden; but it made you feel proud that you built one yourself. It wasn’t grand and it didn’t have the most beautiful fruits, vegetables, or flowers in the galaxy, but it was enough. It made you content in your lonely state. You continued on your path, knowing exactly where he would be. It was your favorite spot after all, a little cove that was perfect for taking a swim or just relaxing. You remember all of the fond memories the two of you had there when the only thought in mind was your shared future. You thought it was enough… You hoped it was.
You could hear two voices and you sighed silently knowing you would have to put up an act. You had secretly hoped that Osha would try to escape or get lost and you could spend some much needed time with Qimir, but you suppose that the force was not on your side this time.
“If you’re not going to join me then I would like to get dressed.” You heard Qimir say and the odd choice of words made a sick feeling settle in the pit of your stomach.
You turned around the corner of a giant boulder when before you made you step back in shock. There your lover was standing bare in front of a girl who was only supposed to be his padawan.
What was this…?
You didn’t understand as you watched him get dressed. He didn’t try to hide himself or make her turn away. He didn’t…
You turned away and wrapped your arms around yourself, silently leaving the two to their private conversation. There were many emotions and thoughts consuming your mind as you trekked back to your little home.
How long has that been going on? Was he that way with Mae as well? Was I just a placeholder until he found someone better? Why? Why? Why?
Your sadness grew into anger as the realization settled in you like a seed of doubt. He… Didn’t love me anymore. I wonder if he ever did? You thought.
You waited in your home, a place that you have worked hard to make it a warm and welcoming place for the both of you. You could hear them talking as they approached, could see them as Qimir twisted his way inside her mind as he did yours all those years ago. Watched as he grabbed her arm so gently that you wanted to cry. You wanted to look away as she pinned him to the cave entrance and he let her, the lightsaber so close to his neck you wondered if she would actually do it… You wondered if you wanted her to.
He set his claim over her with soothing words and a gentle touch and you knew… He didn’t want you. He didn’t even want a padawan.
He wanted an equal.
You couldn’t give him that, not with your small connection to the force. You weren’t like him. You never would be.
Your heart broke in that moment and nothing saved you from the sorrow that consumed you. All you wanted was a family… He was your family. He was everything to you and you… You weren’t as nearly important to him.
“At least three.” You lied in bed, curled up in his arms.
“Four kids?” He chuckled as he drew circles across your skin, “Why not make it four? Make it even.”
“Four?” You hummed in thought, “Do you think you can handle that many kids?”
“I handle you just fine, how hard can it be?” He teased.
You mockingly gasped in shock before rolling over on top of him, “You’ll see just how hard I am to handle.”
“Oh I’m counting on it.” He grinned, placing his hands on your hips.
You leaned down to press your forehead against his, “You’ll miss me when I’m gone Qi.”
“I’ll never let you go.” He stated sincerely, “Nothing will ever keep me from you, my flower.”
“I’ll keep you to that.” You kissed him.
It seemed that shattered piece of the force reminded him that you were there. He could feel that string of yours begin to fray and when his eyes met yours he knew that there was no way to bring you back.
It was early the next morning and you watched the tide begin to recede as you waited to board your ship, one that was smaller than Qimir’s, but still fast.
“Flower.”
“Please, spare me indignity.” You whispered.
“I can explain.”
You could see the hurt hidden behind his soft gaze, a pleading act that you knew too well. It was a look that he only gave when he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have been doing.
You continued to look at him with tears in your eyes, “I don’t need you to explain anything to me. I’m not connected to the force like you, but I know you do the very core of my being and I know… I know Qimir.”
“That’s not—” He stepped towards you, but you held a hand up to stop him.
“I want to be loved only by you and… You swore that it would just be the two of us. You used to say you couldn’t bear to be without me… You used to run to see me… I want to be close to you and you still keep me at arms length. You think I’m naive, but I see more than what you want me to see.” You took a breath as you tried to keep your composer without breaking down.
You searched his eyes for the love he once held for you and you wanted to cry because you couldn’t find it anymore.
“You have my heart Qimir, you always have. My love for you is as warm as the sun, but I cannot continue to shine upon something that prefers the darkness.” You confessed, your heart barely keeping it together. You wanted to run back in his arms and forget everything that happened, but that would only leave you right where you are now… Alone.
“What are you saying?” His voice cracked and he felt a gnawing feeling crawl up his chest and towards his heart.
“I can no longer follow you on the path that you are taking, not when your heart no longer belongs to me so please… Give me some decency and let me leave you.” You pleaded not knowing how much your heart could take.
“I can’t.” He shook his head and his voice became desperate, “Please don’t leave me. I can’t bear to loose you. Not you.”
“Then tell her to go.” You looked in the direction of where Mae was watching at the entrance of your home… Your life… Your safe space.
“I…” He looked torn as he tried to decide and that hurt you all the more… He had to think about choosing you and… “I can’t.” He finally responded.
He couldn’t even choose you.
You nodded to yourself at his choice, silently confirming your decision to leave. It was best for you no matter how much pain you were currently in.
“No one will ever be able to truly see you the way I do… You were my apricity.” You turned and began to walk to your ship, “Goodbye Qimir.”
Osha took his place by his side and he suddenly felt a feeling of emptiness, no longer did he feel a purpose nor did he wish for anything except for his beloved flower.
“You won’t kill her?” Osha asked as she watched as your ship took off.
“Never.” He responded quietly.