i have no authority to say this or any hill to die on but i really think being a human/oid comic artist in this current day of the internet where you're either ushered to the worst places on the internet where you need to bend over backwards to fit into algorithms or predatory business models, or you can post on literally the best comic posting location on the entire internet, but the audience there ranges from "not caring on the basis of your subject matter" to "actively avoidant or hostile towards reading human comics" is ummmmm really weird
my dear sweet bugs. i have to make analysis posts about my own dang comic because i got to speak. read more because its long and i know some people dont read my comic to this extent
so this whole conversation with Itzel has been. distressing, to say the least, for Kennedy. i can think of at least 3 distinct reasons why it's uncomfortable for them, but we may not figure all of those out anytime soon! Kennedy certainly isn't making it clear!
but they know they just botched it up so bad- they overreacted and made Caius uncomfortable, dear sweet Caius who is soooo fucking avoidant and antisocial and doesn't even want to be loredumped to. he wants to go. he just wants Cetty back and then he wants to go home. he is not trying to get mixed up in these people, but Itzel kinda drags them into the conversation and well Caius is a grown man and very polite and isn't gonna be RUDE.
but Kennedy is. because the way Itzel talks is like a knife under their skin
so when it's over. Caius doesn't WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT. No i don't want to run. No i don't want to hear it. No i'm not okay. this is just caius's personality,,,he values his privacy and he certainly isn't gonna open up to this guy he met 90 seconds ago.
i love how kennedy just went from panicking and making a conversation more hostile because a topic was brought up that was clearrrlyy very uncomfortable and distressing for them, to awkwardly trying to bring things back to lighthearted banter with caius....in the most kennedy way possible. of missing a joke and then bringing up grass?? GRASS???
because despite it all, Kennedy is respecting Caius's desire to not talk about Itzel anymore- and kennie needs a break from him as well. but itsss kennedy. Caius may be content to sit in the grass, but Kennedy is very attention-seeking and has a hard time with pauses in conversation. like have we ever seen this guy not yapping their fucking mouth off on this whole walk. and they are taking a liking to Caius- and they feel they just fucked it up by getting all emotional again like they did in the Blue conversation (although that was before kennedy was concerned about getting caius's respect)
it's like that post thats likeeee "sorry i overreacted do you still think i'm mysterious and alluring" I CAN'T THINK OF THE CORRECT WORDING but instead of myserious and alluring, it's cool and causal. except the answer is no. caius has never thought for a second kennedy is cool or causal. you started bleeding and yelling earlier. caius knows you're a weirdo and a loose cannon. sorry.
while Caius is just. exhausted- with everyone- they want a second of silence with itzel gone, it's been a long 2 chapters for them, and they are still not super comfortable with kennedy this sequence makes me want to CRY he just closes his small kitty eyes and then AUGHH okay what is it. grass okay whatever.
please his social battery is running on reserves right now and his boyfriend is still missing and this pink freak is infodumping at him and he misses his daughter badly. grass??? GRASS??????
but his ear flicks up...his fucking earrrr. he is still being polite, still listening- and he somewhat subconciously WANTS to be listening. he's so tired, but he doesn't resent Kennedy from the Itzel conversation. they're all just. people. they're just people doing a weird thing together. and Caius, despite how much he retracts, likes people. he likes being included. he just feels he's no good at it, but caius my dear you AREEEE!! you are very loved and people miss your presence!!! its your brain telling you otherwise...and kennedy is one of those people who has started to really like caius and wants to stay on their good side
but theyre sitting in the grass. what more is there to heyyy you know how to whistle with grass. AUGHH ITS SO AWKWARD. ITS SO OUT OF PLACE. ITS SO RANDOM. and kennedy is so aware they sound ridiculous saying it, but its already out of their mouth, and caius is nothing but an honest father who's gonna play along with some bullshit. what is it about the grass kennedy. no i'm not mad at you. i'm just tired. i don't socialize this much, and i CERTAINLY HAVENT IN THE LAST 17 MONTHS. we alll saw louie's reaction to seeing him at the grocery store!!! caius has been pretty withdrawn and suffering from the mind electric for 17 months and 20 years. and yet. his ear flicks up
and of course. everything comes back to this ridiculous page that gave me nightmares at the time.
now is more the time than ever to engage with the indie authors around you and within yourself!!! If you like something, say something, if you want to make something, put the pen to paper. YOU CAN DO IT!!! it is a scary world out there, but there are ways to prevail and people who care ALWAYS. heartfelt art starts with US did you not hear what thespius said
its another oc birthday and you better get ready because my lesbians are soon also but today is GOAT my special baby boy GOAT the character who changed my feeble, malleable teenage mind and made me want to write comprehensible narratives with my characters and he did so by making me write something so difficult to convey to any other person. he's so important to me. he's the most drawn character on my account. he's been kicking my ass to give him a comic for seven years and i finally probably will just give me a couple years more there's no way i would keep denying him his time to be the true protagonist of planet earth
