Serenity Now - Not Talking Shop
Working in an open plan office leaves you open to attack from all sides. Without physical barriers to impede them colleagues will willingly sidle up to your desk and begin to yammer at you about all manner of subjects. At first you'll resist, politely explaining that you're in the middle of something or simply backing away while nodding and smiling before making a break for the toilet once you're out of earshot, but studies have shown that such resolve weakens with time and it won't be long before you're conditioned to chuckle obligingly about the shortcomings of laminate flooring or appear enthralled by stories of trips to the local garden centre. Eventually you'll be such a shadow of your former self you'll be unable to sleep on Sunday night for the excitement of knowing it's just a few short hours before you can ask the guy who sits opposite about his weekend and then wait, trembling with anticipation, for him to ask you about yours.
By far the most frustrating PSI (Personal Space Intruder) is the guy who wants to ask you about something he just read in a newspaper / heard on the radio / saw on TV that relates to your field. Managers are often guilty of this as it's an easy-in to a conversation with the workforce, something they're compelled to do as without regular walkarounds they're just the guys who get paid more than everyone else to sit at a bigger desk in their own room playing Stick Cricket all day. If you're on the receiving end of a question like this it can often feel like the person asking it is testing the limit of your knowledge so he can walk away pleased that he knows more about whatever the hell it is you do than you do. In other words, it's a form of workplace negging. Yes, negging. If you work in IT the situation can be even worse as not only do people feel it's entirely appropriate to plague you with their home computer questions because you once sat next to them at the Christmas party but there's always at least one guy who considers himself an enthusiast because he subscribes to PC Pro magazine. This is the kind of person who will think nothing of dancing toward you, keen as a spring lamb, to ask 'Hey, Jimmy, do you think it's worth me holding off buying a new computer until Intel ship their new Sandy Bridge CPUs? Just thinking about a 64-byte cache line width makes my trousers damp!' before standing with a look of smug satisfaction on his face waiting to see if you have any idea what he's talking about. The rules of polite society prevent you from administering a black eye with your keyboard, but fighting fire with fire is really the only way out of this situation. If, for example, your PSI happens to be an accountant make a habit of stalking his desk before the tax deadline in the New Year. Carry with you an enormous stack of paper (a spread sheet populated with random numbers will suffice) and pause in his eye line for a minute or two. Leaf through the stack looking confused. When you feel like you have his attention march forward, dump the stack authoritatively on his desk and announce that you knew he wouldn't mind helping you with your tax return. Slap him heartily on the back and let him know he can call you after lunch. With any luck you'll never hear from him again.