unsure today
spent the morning cleaning, scrubbing the tub with an old sponge and some cheap shampoo, each wipe with the underlying fear of uncovering the metal beneath the enamel, scared of what the roommate might think, that all this effort yields little more than dissatisfaction, good intentions, but always poorly executed. i vacuumed and watched the lost particles of skin, fur, hair, gum wrappers speeding along into this noisy machine spitting out a never ending sigh, angry as a vessel for all the unwanted disposables, shed and forgotten by human carelessness and nature’s callousness. i mopped the floors and the water collected the graying of aging things. the toilet swallowed it all and sent it on its way so i could dispossess the filth of my life.
dust rises and settles
a single breath
on repeat
a friend announced a change of life direction with e.e. cummings: “It takes courage to grow up & become who you really are.”
how much courage?