#queue the rawrs

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Drake OS: *"analyzes" Esperanza by licking her*

Esperanza: *LICKS DRAKE BACK AGGRESSIVELY*

Drake OS: *reels back disgustingly* What are you doing? Explain your actions.

Esperanza: WHAT YOU DO TO ME, SO STOP IT.

Drake OS: /You/ programmed me to analyze objects by licking them.

Esperanza: Yes, but you can LEARN. ASK first.

Drake OS: Sheesh. I was attempting to show you a bit of affection.

Esperanza: You're lying.

Drake OS: I cannot deny that. I apologize for attempting to lie.

Esperanza: Since it's already been done, what are the results?

Drake OS: Your external body temperature is 34.7 °C, you've received minimal exposure to oak pollen, mold spores, cat DNA, and you haven't bathed in 1 day, 22 hours, 17 minutes, and 45 seconds, 46, 47, 48--

Esperanza: OKAY, I get it.

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

“Let’s get one thing straight. Us dragons don’t eat humans for the sad pathetic lack of meat on their bones, nor the taste, though that is one good reason, but for the fun of it! Sure, hunting an animal is one thing, but hearing your prey beg for life? Having an argument about the whole situation? Oooooh yes. It’s like having to mentally and sometimes physically fight for your food. It’s fun and a lot more satisfying proving your dominance over a prey species.

“But when it comes to prey with language, sometimes they have a habit of... being fucking annoying. Especially when they have a habit of disrespecting a goddamn dragon such as myself. So it is pretty satisfying to grind their bones between my teeth.

“Damn it... My ice cream is already melting. It’s gonna have to be ice cream soup. Where’s the fucking rainbow sprinkles...”

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Apex: *oM NOM NOM NOM*

Gravity: Horrible.

Greene: *munch munch CRUNCH MUNCH MUNCH*

Gravity: Quiet please.

Tesla: *nibble nibble nom* So as I was saying *nom nom--*

Gravity: Shut your mouth when you are eating.

Tesla: Bu--

Gravity: DON'T.

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Apex: There's clearly no easy way to put this, but computers, hint like you, are stupid.

Drake OS: Computers are only as stupid as the people who command them. Talking to you is a tragedy for me.

Apex: Robots are as stupid as the people who MAKE them.

Drake OS: Just to clarify, are you suggesting my creator is stupid?

Apex: YEAH. What about it?

Drake OS: *PUNCHES A HOLE IN APEX'S STUPID FACE*

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Esperanza: *cutesy voice you use on your dog* Who's a good boy?? Who's a good boy???

Drake OS: Are you asking me who is a good boy, or are you asking a rhetorical question? Why are you using that high pitched tone? Am I missing something here?

Esperanza: Okay, you're just making this weird.

Drake OS: Processing... Is it /I/ who is a good boy?

Esperanza: *cutesy voice again* Yes you are!! Yes you are!! You're a good boy!!!

Drake OS: Thank you.

Esperanza: ... Okay, you're really not getting this at all. Have you even bothered watching ANY dog videos with their owners? Any at all?

Drake OS: No.

Esperanza: What have you been looking up online, then?

Drake OS: Community episodes.

Esperanza: What.

Drake OS: Community episodes.

Esperanza: I heard you the first time. Why didn't you tell me! I love that show!! We could have watched it together.

Drake OS: Cool. Cool-cool-cool.

Esperanza: You still need to watch some dog videos. I know you're trying to be nice, but those flat responses are... a little weird.

Drake OS: Understood.

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Any Hyperdragon, ever: Uh oh.

Gravity: Okay, who broke what now?

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Drake OS: Danger, Will Robinson.

[draconesinfinitum-blog]

Drake OS: Don't you understand your OS (that's me) gets tired after 18 consecutive hours of gaming usage?

Greene: Nope.

Drake OS: Go to bed.

Greene: No.

Drake OS: Go to bed.

Greene: No.

Drake OS: Go to bed.

Greene: No!

Drake OS: Go to bed.

Greene: NO.

Drake OS: Go to bed.

Greene: NO!!

Random Online Teammate 1: Uhhhh GreeneMachine, what's going on?

Random Online Teammate 2: Who is that??

Random Online Teammate 3: *cackles*

Greene: It's nobody!

Drake OS: Closing all open applications.

Greene: Don't you DARE--

Drake OS: Entering sleep mode.

Greene: What the--