#radiicn

[hotboxed]

- ̗̀   CLOSED STARTER   ̖́ -   ——–  @radiicn

                  time trickles by like the incessant  drip, drip, drip  of a leaky faucet. but he won’t  BOTHER  feigning even the  v a g u e s t  interest in what’s going on around him. frankly, his father’s rallies were among castor’s least favorite political events to attend. not to mention how crowds made him  nervous,  at least when they  all  seemed to know his name.  you’re decody’s boy, right  ?  yeah, let’s not talk about it.  today he’s clinging to anonymity as best he can, dawning dark sunglasses and a yankee baseball cap  ---  probably not his best disguise. in retrospect, though, cas hadn’t planned on showing for the assembly  AT ALL,  so his makeshift pseudonym would have to do. it’s when he promptly  b u m p s  into another attendee that he’ll figure his cover has been blown, timbre aching with  inconvenience  as he speaks, despite how aware he is that it’s probably his own fault.  “  shit  ---  ”  REMINDER  :  cursing while in the public eye was a big  no-no  !  “  ---  i mean  sorry  !  ...  i wasn’t watching where i was going.  ”  an embarrassment of an excuse, really.

[fearedloving]

there she was: a true break of light against his otherwise bleak friday afternoon. they had plans ( since monday’s unscheduled rooftop meeting ) to do something after school. planning that and knowing that SHE would be coming over for the first time was nervewracking enough. but this week seemed longer than your average five, eight-hour day school schedule. with hannah’s rather grand re-entrance, more eyes were on clay now than ever before -- and you could say it was taking him a little while to adjust. for the most part, the intensity of attention it didn’t bother him -- but if looks could kill, he was sure he would’ve died a couple times already from the people on the tapes before ( and after ) his. no one knew what was going to happen to hannah’s story next, and that was probably the most nervewracking part; for everybody. nobody knew whose possession the tapes were in, and for once, maybe ignorance was bliss. and clay wouldn’t admit it right now, but he was anxious to see where’d they go, and just how far they’d drag hannah along with them. 

a gentle and warm smile would be cast toward hannah, clay watching long legs making quick converse-capped strides come his way. he felt lucky -- and for once not CRAZY for visioning this. congratulations, clay jensen: for once it’s not your daydream. “ finally ! i’ve been waiting here for at least ninety seconds. was about to put out a search call. ” instinctively, he wants to reach for her hand, but he doesn’t know WHERE they are. apparently, an innocent exchange of ‘ i like yous ’ doesn’t really give any clarification on where you people stand. well, at least he could have that knowledge to put his mind to rest. “ i really hope you don’t have high expectations about tonight, ” clay jests, “ i’m totally not going to be responsible for ruining your night, which is why you’re getting the heads up. ” you can see his teeth now, cheeks pulled back tight as he beams toward the girl and brushes his pinky against hers, coiling lightly like before to give her a gentle tug in the direction back to his house. clay’ll drop her pinky, at least for now. he highly doubts she wants more attention drawn to them. “ did you have any ideas, though ? about what you wanted to do tonight. unfortunately my house doesn’t have as much to offer as monet’s or the crestmont, but i think we’ll be able to make due. ”

[helmetc-blog]

"oh no,” he quickly responds to the woman running the kiosk booth. “we’re not dating.” the question startled dylan and it was obvious from the way his cheeks were flushing with a deep red. this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence though. aly had been mistaken for his girlfriend a number of times and it was more of a compliment than anything. 

[hotboxed]

🌟 !!!

hi i lov eu + dude ur post recent ooc post like i fucking relate dude i experience such cosmic shit all the time i swear ur theories ar e right

SEND  “🌟”  IF YOU THINK I WRITE WELL

[fearedloving]

HIS WORLD HAD TURNED BLUE. everything he had once felt had turned cold, and for the last week, he kept relearning why. hannah baker was dead. deceased. no longer breathing and he was one of the reasons why.

his forehead was pressed against the cool metal of his locker, a daily ritual that took shape after he quickly became too afraid to turn to the right and see the untimely memorial of the girl he had been too afraid to love. that locker had been hers, and he avoided it since the day he pinned a drawing of a rabbit to the front. he was sure it was almost invisible by now. after she was gone, everyone showed love. but if you asked clay, he'd say he loved her first.

this whole new life without hannah baker that he acquired seemed almost impossible to live with, really. his mind ticked constantly, like clockwork he’d think of every interaction between the two — each one that could’ve been used to save her life. a few days into the tapes, clay began to have nightmares. the least popular had been one where they were dancing at the winter formal. it started off dreamy enough – slow dancing, their song, a daring hand on her lower back – but it didn’t last. his shoulders became stained with red where her wrists sat, he’d look at her as she pulled away and then – he woke up.

whispers snapped him out of his daydream, two footsteps sound louder than the usual as he dares to look at what has the halls buzzing. NO. no. it’s not. it couldn’t be. he refused to give himself false hope, and he’d had this vision too many times. since her death clay had been seeing hannah everywhere, and he was haunted by the things he never sad. the visions of his mistakes were anything but pleasant. this just had to be another mindfuck. but she kept walking. her locker was now clear of any reminiscence of last week and HOLY SHIT, was he dreaming?

[fearedloving]

before last weekend, clay had never been so confused about where he stood with someone. to anyone outside his own head it’d be pretty fucking obvious: hannah liked him, and he liked her. that be the end of it -- but not for clay. your favorite textbook overthinker was back where he had started, but this time, with less reason to be that way. with all the bullshit hannah had gone through this semester, clay still couldn’t get it through his head that she wouldn’t have done what she had with him unless she liked him – but it still just seemed too good to be true. anxiety was calling, and three outfit changes and a skipped breakfast later, clay was ready to try and ignore his own head and the possibility that what happened two days ago may never happen again. luckily for him, a ten-minute chauffeured ride to school with tony proved to be the perfect distraction. perfectly selected 8-tracks thumped as they discussed throwing a party for clay’s favorite holiday ever – halloween. and to make the night even better, tony was more than willing to throw the gig at his place. as they walked into liberty side by side, tony couldn’t drop the joke about how clay’s dad couldn’t cockblock him from across town. clay mall-walked to his locker in hopes of seeing hannah at hers, too eager to wait to tell her about their plan. he’d stop at his locker to act busy, buying him a few seconds to gather his cool before striding over her way. “ hey, happy monday, ” fucking lame, jensen. that’s the best you got? clearing his throat, he adjusted the strap of his backpack that seemed to be gaining weight the longer he stood in place, “ tony and i are having a halloween party this weekend – would you uh, like to come? ” quickly realizing where that could sound plain, he quickly catches himself, “ with me. like, as my date.”

[fearedloving]

he swirled around whatever it was that kat had poured into his plastic cup -- and he can’t help but notice it’s an off brand red solo cup. whoever was the supplier couldn’t even finagle five more bucks to get the real thing ? he looks around to make a comment about it to the only other person at this party he feels like he could make conversation with the observation, but she’s nowhere to be found. he saw how she was looking at justin – and on a more disgusting note, how he looked at her. in a matter of seconds, a semi-fun and LOOSE night for clay turned into something he didn’t want to be a part of any more. realistically, clay never thought he had a chance with hannah. but the unearthed ( and unacknowledged ) hope that the impossible-turned-possible would happen tonight just didn’t seem like it was beating alive anymore. feeling defeated, clay fishes for his phone and goes to send a text to his mom to let him know he’d be coming home earlier than expected. considering clay rode up to the party on his oh so desirable set of ( ten speed ) wheels, she liked to know when he’d be expected home. yes, he was that kid. just as he was about to go on a hunt to find kat to give her a final goodbye, he spots hannah coming back inside. instantly, there’s a pit in his stomach and he’s reassured that leaving would be in best interest for his sanity tonight. ‘ uh -- hey, have you seen kat ? i’m taking off and wanted to say goodbye before she leaves. ’ characteristically, clay is unable to make eye contact as he fumbles with the rim of his off brand solo cup, hoping she wouldn’t make this more difficult than need be.

[crimsondrive-blog]

“All of this fucking shit was for nothing.”