Throughout my life I have been running after numbers, in the form of grades or a salary figure. But on that day, there will be another one-number summary that will determine where I go, my score. An objective yardstick used by Allah (SWT) to rank us in order for our deeds. And this score and all its immaculate and precise calculations will be transparent to us all, available for any cross-examination but surely Allah (SWT) is Al-Adl and would not do any Zulm on any individual, and each persons score would be in accordance to what they had sowed.On that day, I imagine myself standing in such a great leaderboard displaying a series of scores. In this exhaustive list of figures, I see the martyrs, the scholars, the fuqarah and the revolutionaries! Amongst this great list of figures is there even a place for a sinner like me? A person with meager deeds and no extraordinary achievements to his merit, I scroll the list frantically, trying to find where do I stand, what position did I get? Which percentile do I find myself at, how did I perform?
Every year, companies conduct rigorous audits balancing the accounts. examining every nook and cranny so that no small financial figure goes unreported. If somebody were to conduct a similar analysis of mine, what would they find? What would my ledger look like? A net income with gaping holes and errors. Am I ending my days on a net-positive or am I accumulating deficits? Is my journal going to be replete with red pen-marks , cross-out marks of half-cooked actions? For surely such a record can never warrant Jannah. And then imagine Allah as your auditor! Not even an iota of an action would be missed! For surely then, I am going to rely on Ar Rahmans 's infinite mercy to overlook them, gloss over my mistakes and just let me through. For surely, if that book will ever be opened on the court of accountability, there will be shame everywhere! Imagine seeing such a result in front of our Nabi (SAW)? Will he wish to intercede for someone who barely passed?
And imagine just getting a score shy of a couple of marks. I remember back in the school days some of us used to cry for that one elusive mark that would be changing our grades, imagine the great importance this mark will have, and how little of an effort it would have required...But then I think, is passing even enough? Throughout my life I have been struggling to meet the bare minimum. Sometimes even doing the fardh seems like a chore, and I miss it. But then there are people who excel in their ibadah, reach the pinnacle of faith and are amongst the chosen few! For surely there are ranks of varying degrees in Jannah , and Firdous is the coveted one, but were my actions in line with it.When in life I never wised to never settle, desiring the best-of everything, than why is 50% enough? Perhaps the biggest mistake I made is that I settled for less, when were worth so much more.
Ya Allah (SWT) what is my score? Will it ever be enough? To raise my ranks and be amongst the chosen few.
Ya Allah (SWT) make us amongst the Sabeqoon!
Ya Allah (SWT) make us amongst the Muqarraboon! The Awwaloon!
Ya Allah (SWT) make us amongst the people for you have reserved the rarest of treasures, the exclusivities, the prizes reserved for the high scores!