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the third annual Sorry Your Mom's Dead flowers from work today was brutal, and the anniversary was only a little of the reason. office mate is gone, we're short-staffed, i'm so behind on paperwork, and also my room at the daycare had descended into chaos but it doesn't matter because i'm probably being reassigned, and to work under a teacher with whom I have some pretty fundamental differences re: developmental psychology, discipline, attitude, etc. so that's all fun
got this text a little while ago:
Hey Amber! Saying prayers with [Black Widow] tonight.. I usually say them and then she adds on anything she feels and she says “please keep everyone safe and protected and please bring Amber back to my house so we can hang out. She’s nice.” Thanks again for hanging here lastnight and being so sweet to my girls!
every time this sweet, precious child includes me in her prayers, it makes me feel protected somehow, there’s nothing more powerful than the heartfelt prayer of a child??? somehow. idk. i love her so much, she’s a good child, she’s literally a case study for being asymptomatic with her diagnosis, she’s a miracle child and i think all that worry made us appreciate her even more, and she’s soooooo good, her humor is never cruel, she sometimes brings me random artwork and flowers and food when i’m at work, she is just so! freaking! pure! and i mean that in the least creepy way possible. i just love her so much.
i really shouldn’t say self-deprecating things around or to my kiddos, but i did it today anyway and the results were amazing.
so little A was excited because another child had a mickey mouse shirt on. and she said to me, “i like mickey mouse.”
“i know you like mickey mouse,” i said, attempting to smile at her while squinting against the sun.
“i like mickey mouse,” she repeated. she got the tiniest scowl. “i don’t like pete.”
it took me a minute to place pete as the antagonist in many mickey cartoons. “he’s scary,” i said, intended as agreement.
but she had a more complex take on it than that. it took her a moment to get it together, she’s only been speaking in full sentences for a few weeks, and finally she said, “he messes things up.”
“he does,” i agreed. then, the inappropriate part, i added, “i mess things up, too.”
“no,” she said firmly. “pete messes things up. he’s sneaky”
“so do i,” i told her, because i felt committed once i slipped and said it.
“you’re not sneaky.”
“you’re right, i’m not sneaky.”
she had such an intense look on her little face when she said, “you don’t mess things up. you’re good!”
and i immediately teared up at this tiny, innocent child’s utter faith in my goodness. “thank you,” i told her.
“let’s go play on the grass,” she replied.
so we did. i played on the grass with this kid who is kind and smart and perfect, this tiny human who, just today, was able for the first time to reach the sink without asking me to pick her up. this little girl i’ve seen almost every day since september, when i met her two days short of her second birthday.
she’s a treasure.
and for a few minutes today, she made me believe that i am, too.
this evening at work, after enough of the kids had left that the twos and threes merged rooms, little miss o, the three i know best (because schedules), wanted to play with my hair. my hair spent the day up in a utility ponytail (because one, my hair was dirty, and two, it’s hot as hell now that the heat’s on at the office), but i took it down so she could mess with it
and she said, so sweetly and sincerely, as her fingers combed through my hair, “you’re so pretty when your hair’s down. you look like rapunzel. you’re so pretty with your hair down”
what a sweetheart, what a good child. she’s the same one who’s told me twice now that she loves me. she is a bright spot in a kinda crappy life at the moment
westwardflight replied to your post “my name is amber and i started crying when i got home because there...”
Commenting anyway because it has been a while since I told you that you are awesome and I am lucky to have you in my life.
i love yooooooooooooou
tsuzukiruka replied to your post “anyway like i don’t like snow white in ever after high because she...”
APPLE IS PRECIOUS THO SHE'S ONE OF THEM GOLDEN APPLES SNOW Y U GOTTA BE HATIN
littlebluecaboose replied to your post “my name is amber and some months i get suicidal when i’m PMSing and...”
hi my names laura and there's this super cool lady named amber i know who is basically the older sibling i always wanted when i was a kid and she's super cool and i love her
<3 ilu a lot
Hello Amber. (I also go by Amber (persona at larp)). I know that feeling all too well. It is an awful feeling. Here are some things to remember when it happens: my current situation isn't my final one. Remember to eat while on it, and avoid caffeine as much as you can. Chocolate does help. Possibly see a doctor when it happens. And keep ibuprofen close if you get bad cramps.
You are a very nice person, Amber. I ate and brushed my teeth and took a shower and laid out clothes for tomorrow, and soon I will go to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling better. I’ve talked with my psych doc some about the PMS, not this specifically (the really, really bad months) but we do bump my zoloft for the last ten days of my cycle to help some. And it does help. Tonight is just bad for some reason?Thank you for the reminder about caffeine, too. I know better, but I rely on it a lot anyway, and I should try not to for this week at least.I really appreciate your message. It’s nice to know there are nice people in the world who care to reach out. <3(I hope it’s okay to post this, I want it where I can keep it and see it and where maybe someone else will benefit from it, too.)
