And a more "relaxing" rant.
Okay, sorry for my language at my last post about math. I'm truly sorry for any annoyance people may have felt. Please, forgive me. I really am sorry.
On the better note though, I was able to finish the homework I spent two hours (mostly freaking out) on, so yay. Math was my ONLY homework too, so that's what really ticked me off.
I guess it's better for me to explain what has been going on this year. Recently, I've been using methods of "violence" to take out my anger. In example, punching the walls, smashing whatever I see, etc. I'm a really mellow person, so I've never resorted to violence-until this year. Which further proves the point, junior year really sucks.
What I did this time was pretty funny/retarded. I got extremely mad at this one problem, so I took my own personal book (not the school's book) and threw it off my balcony. I soon noticed that I had enough strength to throw my textbook to the fountain, so for the next few minutes, that's what I tried to aim for. Running up and down the stairs, throwing the textbook off of the balcony. Then, this sudden RAGE just came along, and I started to heavily abuse the textbook. I just threw it around, hit it with a broomstick (I don't know what happened), and you get the point. And now, my personal textbook is ruined. The cover is partially ripped off, the book smells like grass and flowers, and the pages are soggy. This is funny, but at the same time really messed up.
Thinking about it, why? Why did I do that? In the end, I still had to finish my homework. In the end, I still opened up my dead textbook and did the homework. Why did I do that? Now I feel bad, because I'm OCD about keeping things clean.
I need to learn how to control this rage I'm developing. I need to stop resolving to violence to take out my anger. True, it's effective, but is it really the way to solve problems? In the end, I STILL need to face it. I mean, I feel alot better once I finished my business, but was it worth the time and rage? I mean, I spent an hour just shitting bricks on my textbook. In that hour, I could've completed my homework, if I just sat down and looked at my work.
Actually, I haven't told you what made me rage. It's embarassing as hell though.
In a nutshell, I mixed up two numbers, causing my graph to look off. Already spending an hour on the same problem made me, effectively, rage quit.
*sigh*. I could really use some advice on how to control this developing violence. I mean, honestly, all guys have punched the wall at least once to take the anger out. But is this the way to solve issues? Nope.
What's really sad, is that only math causes me to freak out and rage. Even though I have benchmarks in my other classes, I feel so calm. Maybe it's because I understand all my other classes.
But sadly, not math.
So does this mean I'm not Asian? Jk.
P.S: I use "I mean" alot...