Hello I got followed home by two drunk dudes like two hours ago and I wasn’t freaking out or anything, I handled it fairly well. I did the 4 right turns and I lost them on the highway and I had 911 ready to be dialed. What I’m getting at is, if you’re a guy and a woman you know was in a dangerous situation like this but is already safe, one of the last things we want to hear is “Don’t talk to strangers! Call your mom next time! Next time do this, do that, it was so dangerous, handle it better next time!”
You don’t have to deal with this! I am already safe and proud of myself for not freaking out and taking care of it by myself! Don’t treat us like we don’t know what we’re doing, don’t undermine our experiences by telling us what you think we should do instead of lending a comforting and attentive ear. Unless I ask, “Hey, what should I do in this situation, I need your help,” I truly do not want to hear you (and I hate this term but it’s so perfect) mansplain how I as a woman need to know how to protect myself. I know how, I’ve lived through 17 years of catcalling and harassment and being followed home, and I’m going to trust my own experience and judgment in those situations rather than the judgment of a person who has never been through it.
In certain situations, I understand when you find the opportunity to turn something into a learning experience but! It is not my fault I was followed home. It’s never the victim’s fault, and I don’t really love being treated like harassment is a result of my own mistakes. And, being combat trained, safe in a locked car, and totally ready to use my pepper spray with the police on the phone with me, your advice isn’t helpful at all. I refuse to be scared of the world and assume the worst about the people around me because you don’t think I’ll know what to do when that assumption is accurate.
