page 54 of 365. (Feb 23, 2014)
Go ahead and tell me what you want. In the end I will find a way to do what I'm meant to do. I am impatient and I am not perfect but I know I will not settle for anything other than following God's will for me. Sometimes it gets heavy on my shoulders, the weight of all the things that are in my head. Sometimes I wonder if it's the way I'm carrying it or if I'm just simply carrying things that are unnecessary and perhaps I need to cut excess weight. For sure, I think way too much of it. There are other times, where I feel invincible and ready to survive anything that comes my way. Up till this very second I type these words, I have indeed survived everything that has come my way. I am realizing that it's mostly in my head when I do not feel invincible and able to take anything on. God doesn't put anything in our path that we cannot overcome with His help. I need to start putting more of my worries and the weight on my shoulders in His hands. All I can ask for is a relentless will and clear mind to understand the steps I need to be taking. I'm writing to learn. I'm writing to discover. Sometimes the tangible manifestation of actually typing out words on the keyboard and the process that clicks in my mind help me understand things. So, yes, this may very well sound like a rant when you read it through. It's more like a form of making sense of my thoughts this time around. Currently I am in the 9-5 Rat Race people are slaves to in the modern world. The thing is, I am absolutely not a slave to it. I know that at any given moment I could just disconnect but I know that in order to make a difference I need to manipulate that system first. I can't expect to make a difference from outside.