#ranty boi

[fischyplier]

The highlight of the entire stream if you ask me, is when Mark starts ranting!

[liquid-geodes]

I'm gonna be ranty for a minute, because I deserve it:

I should be allowed to not care.

I should be allowed to not care about anything that doesn't add value to my current situation. I should be able to say "No, I don't care about x thing" without the immediate response being "Oh so you don't like me?"

Many people will see this as just being an asshole, which some people in the world are. But it's not just that. It's what living in an abusive environment will do to you.

You're living in an inescapable place where you have to listen to every single thing your abuser says or else you get hit with the "why don't you like me? I knew nobody loved me." Or them just straight up not caring that you've said No and talk anyway.

I don't care about things that dont apply to the circumstances. And I know I've been forcing myself to listen and to act like I care to everyone on a daily basis, because it's just so hard to say no to your friends when they want to talk about something they love, but years of being in this abusive household with no choice has made you just Not Care about anything unless it has some sort of value to what you're doing, like if it's an instruction or a task.

And I recognize that it's been getting worse for me here lately, because I just don't want to talk to certain people because it's so hard to care when I have to spend all day being forced to Care.

There are people I can genuinely still talk to and engage with and it not feel like work because we're talking about the same things we've been talking about, it's relevant, it's not new or off topic, the conversation is linear and I know where it's going and what's important to the topic and what's not.

But most messages I just can't answer because ever since getting a job I've been getting hit extra hard with the "you don't care about me. I have nothing to do if you aren't here. You left me all alone. I'm bored without you here" when you don't even talk to me when I AM here.

It's been exhausting for years, but now it's reached the point of overwhelming and I mentally can't keep this up any longer.

[liquid-geodes]

Today has been a trying day

Today my mother made me spend maybe an hour? helping her with a phone game of hers I've never even heard of because I "know more about this kind of thing" than her (I don't btw). So what she was trying to do was create a second account so she can do some kind of cheat to get more coins for her main account, couldn't tell me anything more than that and expected me to just Know how everything worked when she handed me her phone, would not take "I don't know where x thing is" as an answer either. She could NOT grasp the concept of logging out of her game. Literally COULD NOT understand how pushing the log out button to get back to the log in screen worked. So I sat there, and explained the exact same, incredibly simple process to her five times AT LEAST.

She started crying

She said I was confusing her and that I shouldn't be mad at her for not understanding, but actually I should. I didn't just explain it to her, I walked her through the process step by step OVER FIVE DIFFERENT TIMES. She also would not understand the process of logging in with her email she JUST linked her account to.

So anyway we FINALLY get her second account going so she can do this cheat she said herself she could do, she just needed help with the two accounts thing. She said this to me before we started

So tell me why she looked at me and said "okay, now can you please google the coin cheat for this game for me and show me how to do it?"

I said no maybe five times before she started the fake crying and said "I am your mother you should do things for me. I have loved you and took care of you when you were little you would do this if you loved me."

Please do not give me any more reasons to reconsider that feeling for you than you already have, I genuinely do not need any more reasons. You are on the thinnest ice with me.

So literally just to get her to shut the fuck up I google it, I tell her exactly what it says on the page where I very easily googled what she could have done herself. It doesn't work, and somehow repeating "I don't see that option" to me is supposed to change it or I'm somehow, suddenly supposed to know what the hell she's talking about. Because again, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA ABOUT ANYTHING IN HER PHONE GAME THAT SHE PLAYS

Eventually we reached a point where I GENUINELY couldn't do anything else at all, and she finally drops it and says she'll just ask one of her friends on the game who 100% knows how to do the specific thing she has spent the last hour expecting ME to know

YOU COULDNT HAVE JUST ASKED THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?? YOU TAKE MY TIME AWAY, YOU GUILT TRIP ME FOR OVER AN HOUR, YOU REFUSE TO LISTEN TO ME WHEN I SAY NO TO YOU WHEN YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO CAN ACTUALLY HELP YOU THROUGH WHATEVER THE FUCK YOURE TRYING TO DO??

By the time she let's me leave she still doesn't have anything figured out, she's still crying, and I am so far beyond indifferent about her feelings that the only thing stopping me from telling her to grow up and get over it is the fact that I have to live with her and am stuck in the same house as her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, with absolutely NO break from her or her bullshit

The reason I bring it up now? I can hear her from the OTHER ROOM loudly sighing in frustration, and I KNOW she's still trying to figure out her game because she has called me in there TWICE since earlier to do stupid shit like "collect my diamonds for me" and "my internet isn't working you have to fix it"

A 50 year old woman is the reason I'm never having kids, because I'm already fucking dealing with one every single day of my fucking life and I can't take this anymore

[scotty-burr]

If you do this, please. Fuck off. When a character locks a door, you can’t just walk in. So please. Don’t do that.