#ranty j

[sonderandroses]

i was feeling really unproductive and honestly just kind of not-good today for literally no reason at all & then my jetpens shipment arrived and my mood deadass lifted a bit... what does that say about me lmao

[sonderandroses]

i’m starting to realize that a lot of my imposter syndrome is because of other people? like i’ve conditioned myself to feel bad about getting good grades because people around me, including some of my friends, act like i don’t have to work for it? and some constantly shame me for worrying about my grade after i take a test as if nobody else freaks out when they hear that they got different answers from other people? i have never once complained about my grade not being as high as it should be. i only share grades i get that are “low” because i feel bad about the high ones. i’m so so sick of this mindset.

[sonderandroses]

i never usually watch reality/dating shows but love is blind was honestly great. though, i wish amber and barnett weren’t edited to seem that shallow and irresponsible. they ended up being portrayed as a couple who only cared out of lust, but back in the pods barnett did say that he had the most serious conversations with amber. amber was also in a legal thing for a work injury that explained unemployment at the time, but she currently holds two jobs and is taking classes for a new career. both said in interviews that the show cut out their more serious moments. i truly want them to last (or at least get more positive exposure from the whole thing).

[sonderandroses]

some of my friends are so lucky and they don’t recognize it and i hate the tiny part of me that resents them for taking certains things for granted but i can’t help it anymore and idk

[sonderandroses]

trying so hard to overcome fear of rejection by finally putting yourself out there and letting yourself hope for something only to get rejected is the worst lol