#raph i a

[fireworksandfiestas]

I love my fiancée. Whole time that’s my baby tho 💕

I miss her so much. I can’t wait to see her and kiss all up on her!!!

[fireworksandfiestas]

Everybody wants to quote black on black crime stats in Chicago but can't tell me shit else about the other violent factors that contribute to them or about who else is killing them.

Yeah ok.

[fireworksandfiestas]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAMARITAAAAAAA MACARONI AND CHEESE MASHED POTATOES WARM LIMEADE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP COCONUT OIL LOVE MUFFIN 🎉🎂💕☺😍.. Lmao come take my phone away!! Anyway it's that time of year again. Oh Lawd my baby growing up but still 3 feet tall and the perfect height to hug me!! 🙌🏾 Man listen I don't even know where to start with you, you're literally the love of my life. Like I couldn't ask for a better person to be my partner in crime. You've been my battle buddy since before I knew that was a thing... Literally. Even though we've been apart all year, I feel like you've been by my side the whole way. I know you've always been there for me from break ups to boot camp you have forever been my rock and I'll always love you for that. I'm sorry I didn't get to go to UCF with you and you weren't here to see me graduate from Hell but you still helped me wake up every morning and know that I could make it through the day. ✊🏾😭I can't wait to see you and just be myself with you again. So much is changing with me and I want you to forever be a part of everything. I know navy life isn't exactly making time apart any easier but trust me babygirl as soon as I'm balling out you're gonna be right next to me!!! I'm so proud of you and everything you've done for yourself this past year. I can't wait to see the woman you become in this next year. 🙏🏾💚Everything I said last year is still true (lol go ahead and reread it if you forgot) 😅but I want you to be better in year 23 alright. I got you and you got me!! I love you best friend 💕😊 Happy 23rd birthday princess!! @imoanaomi @damariskoox3

[fireworksandfiestas]

I hate it when guys, black men/boys in particular feel the need to comment about what I am or am not doing to my hair. They will make fun, they will criticize and say all these things but don’t know anything. The thing is we may have the same hair texture but you growing your hair just to cut it every week and brushing it until you have waves is not you being an expert on 4c hair. As a black woman already have to deal with the comments that white people, male and female make about hair whether it be weave, braided, natural, a wig whatever the fuck. Whether or not I’m having a bad hair day is 100% my business and trust me I KNOW. I still have to go to work and get my shit done. Nobody talks more shit about my hair than me (and my mom but she stays roasting her people). Anyway unless you are going to offer some products and services.. Some legit ass products and services then don’t say shit to me. It just kills me the way they go about it, approaching me in a way that they think is funny trying to make jokes about how my hair looks like excuse me nigga but did I ask you. I don’t even gamble but I bet you I didn’t. And then when I don’t laugh at their “joke” then then I’m taking shit too seriously, or I can’t take a joke or now y'know I’m ready to “beat their ass”? Like are you serious? Because I’m not laughing at my own expense I’m ready to fight (irrationally apparently). And when did that even happen? How did I even come off as aggressive? Why am I all of a sudden this angry black girl who is always ready to throw hands at a moments notice? Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying I’m not, but how did I end up in this box of super aggressive because I don’t crack a smile at you’re whack ass joke. Everybody knows that it’s not a joke if it’s not funny, so this sounds personal problems. I just don’t appreciate that shit. Like because of society, blatant hatred and deadass lies people have to take time to learn to love their natural hair. Sometimes that shit takes forever. Even having a hairstyle not come out the way you imagine can make you remember when you weren’t a fan of your naps and coils, nobody needs that extra bullshit. All I’m saying is don’t talk shit if you don’t know shit. Quite a bit of these folks out here don’t know a damn thing but are so quick to open their mouths. Just shut up.

[fireworksandfiestas]

Let's get something straight.

I'm not a runner. I don't run from my problems or leave when things get hard. I am not and never have been "the one who got away". I did not run from you. You either left me or pushed me away. Me accepting that I'm worth more than what you did or didn't give me is not me running from you. It's me learning to love myself and grow without you. Own up to the fact that you're the one who let me go.

[fireworksandfiestas]

Happy birthday to me!

[fireworksandfiestas]

Chapter closed. Before now I wasn’t in a place to receive anything that you had to offer, nor was I in a place to willingly give you anything. Funny thing is there are words that I wouldn’t believe until they came out of your mouth. I still wanted to give you the grace and the benefit of the doubt, until I realized that nothing you said actually mattered. I realized that I didn’t trust your words or your actions but somehow this wouldn’t be real, tangible and something I could conquer without this conversation. At the end of everything I still saw that you were hurting. But I immediately understood that I was no longer solely responsible for anyone but myself. Regardless of what you say, you took something from me and you manipulated me in the most shameless of ways to get what you wanted. Before I finally close this book, I just want to get this last thing off of my mind. If you will allow me to speak this into the universe, then, hopefully somewhere it may fall onto your ears. Please be fully aware that I am speaking to you especially, but maybe not you alone.  You are not the voice of reason, the voice of sanity, or the voice of the worlds most intellectual man. I say that to say you do not speak for all men, and you do not speak for all women. Just because you don’t value se-x, and the emotional connections and spiritual ties that come with it when it is convenient, that does not mean that “sex is just sex” to all men including yourself. To you, one of the most emotional beings that I know, and the most vengeful compartmentalist that I have ever met, I can confidently say that everything (se-x included) holds some sort of value to you. If not, then, we would not have been as close as we were for so long. Trying to justify a harmful rhetoric by stating that men and women simply view se-x differently is embarrassing unoriginal in every sense. It isn’t just women that place value in sex, and it isn’t just men who are hyperse-xual beings. Certainly not all men and not all women. And just to clarify, we were not only speaking of se-x, but we were speaking of intimacy, honesty, and communication as well. All of those things just fell on deaf ears but we all know se-x sells and your ears perk up at opportunity to prove me wrong. Regardless of all that, I still believe that I got what I needed from you. Though you were reluctant to give it and even spiteful, I am grateful. There was acid in your words and salt in your tone and though I don’t know you in all the ways that I used to, I can still recognize pain. Speaking to you last night, I realized that you may have needed this from me a while ago but your pride and some twisted sense of disloyalty blocked that for you. I was also not in a position to give you any more of me, and I will always believe that that is fair.  For me, it was time. I needed time and space away from you so I could see you as a person that was allowed to exist down below from the pedestal I put you on. You hurt me, but it took forever for me to see exactly what that meant. It took forever for me to understand that there was pain and hate blocking my joy. And that is not your responsibility. I do not blame you for me not seeing you for who you were. However, I do blame you for being so comfortable that you could manipulate me for your own gain and think that that was normal. I now can see you from the lens of someone outside of my old self, and I feel like a weight has lifted because I have been grasping for someone who no longer exists. This person who I have been craving and mourning has only existed within the confines of my imagination. And I loved him for that. But you are not him. You made that clear last night. You are beyond hurt that I have moved into a life that can be built and enjoyed without you. I understand. Knowing that you can do the same feels surreal but very much pleasantly delusional. I am healing from you and forgiving you. I do hope that you truly become whomever it is that you feel you deserve to be. And hope you are the happiest stranger in a life made for you.

[fireworksandfiestas]

I’m finally starting to feel like a person after everything. I refuse to let 2019 kick my ass.